Not At This Time

I had my psych assessment for egg donation today. The psychologist told me that he doesn’t think that ED is something I should do at this time.

We talked at length about different scenarios, and if I wanted to meet the IP’s or not. He thinks it’s good to tell the child(ren) and Aaron about the ED as everyone wants to know where they come from and what if any child that should result of my being an ED were to meet up with Aaron later on in life.

I got to thinking of a whole list of worries. What if a girl child were to result of it and her and Aaron were to meet up later in life and start dating? It’s highly unlikely but not impossible.

I then started worrying about other issues like what of there was a relative in the IP's family who was a child molester and because I donated eggs I subjected a potential child to this. Or what if the mom had cancer previously which left her infertile and then she has a baby and the cancer came back and she wasn’t able to beat it. That child wouldn’t have a mother, and enabled that to happen.

Or if the couple were to donate frozen embryos to another set of IP’s that brings up a whole lot of questions about IP’s.

What it comes down to is I worry too much, and what psychological repercussions would it have on me in the future and the current state of my relationship with Eric. Now isn’t the best time. We discussed the fact that I have General Anxiety Disorder and he thinks I should seek treatment (I didn’t know there was) through cognitive behavioral therapy (talking it out) with a psychologists and if ED is something I am still interested in than I should proceed with it at that time.

I am disappointed to say the least, but I think I have too many what if scenarios to be 100% comfortable with it. I just feel for infertile people and I cry when I read there stories and can’t imagine going through their plight. It would break me. Hence wanting to be a donor, but alas it isn’t meant to be at this moment. Hopefully this will change in a few months.

A Post Brought to you Courtesy of The # 2

The number of times I walked by my dad's car yesterday;

2

He is visiting and is nice enough to let me use his car. Every time I go out, and come back to it I am looking for our car.

Number of times I missed nearly getting crapped on by seagulls;

2
Walking around downtown Victoria requires an umbrella.

Number of times I walked away;

2

I took Aaron downtown last night to take in the sights and pretend to be tourists. A favourite pastime of Eric's and mine. I went to get a single scoop of gelato (sorbet) and one single bulk candy for Aaron and it rang into $7.90.

Yeah, I don't think so. Apparently there is a 2 scoop minimum. Screw that. Who can justify $8 (Thank you HST!) for ice cream???

Two gelato places on the same street. Yeah, they're probably owned by the same company.

Memories in Photos

Finally, a decent picture of my tattoos.

When I was over in Vancouver a few weeks ago I went to Kitsilano Beach with a friend and got some craptastic photos on my phone. I took pictures of the Showboat and pool as I have fond memories of these places from my childhood. My grandma used to take me to Kits Beach as a child and sometimes there would be performances on the Showboat. I used to love to watch these. Other times we'd swim in the pool in the back drop. It was a beautiful day and words can't describe the beauty that Vancouver possesses.

Yeah, So I Got Probed.

You knew it was coming. So I had the initial consult with the fertility clinic. It was mainly talking to the RE and IVF nurse about my history, family history and the process. They seem to be more concerned about the emotional implications that it may have on me and if I am up to it at this point in time given the instability of my relationship with Eric. So far I am okay with it. Things I need to do now.

-Blood work

- contact the shrink the get an psych evaluation

- Set up an anonymous email so that I may have contact with the IP's

It will most likely take place in September should everything go okay with the screening. I got a pap and some standard screening and a vagisound. I saw my right ovary. That's about it.

I got a tour of the clinic and saw the exam rooms, procedure room and recovery room.

Now I know in IVF land, the big thing seems to be socks. I got offered a pair of courtesy socks to wear during my exam. I declined, as it was super warm in the exam room. I am not one for socks anyways being summer. I can understand why one might want some knee high babies. As to not disappoint, I did take a picture of said socks.


They're certainly nothing to shake a stick at. I wonder why this isn't offered to me as a courtesy when i am getting my regular pap. I know we Canadians have universal health care. I am sure this wouldn't be much of an expense to offer these to the patients. It isn't as if we get to keep them. (According to the sign on the wall your to return them when done.)

I also wore sun dress, to make the exam process easier and less time consuming on my part. I highly recommend it.

Advil Cold & Sinus I Love Thee

I feel like ass tonight. I went to the walk-in clinic tonight as my right ear still hurts. I though my swimmers ear hadn’t cleared up. Turns out it has. My ear hurting is due to my sinus/head cold allergies. The doctor asked me what I was taking. I told him:

-Aeruis
-Advil Cold & Sinus

He said I should steam.

I told him I already do, and that I irrigate with salt water.

He offered me a corticoid nasal spray.

I told him I have Nasonex.

He suggested that I see a specialist.

I told him that I’ve seen an allergist, was told that I do not have seasonal allergies and was diagnosed with chronic sinutis/rhinitis.

I also told him I’ve seen an ENT and inquired about surgery on my sinuses, to which I was told the surgery would only last a few months to two years at the most. The ENT (Ear, nose and throat specialist) pretty much declined me.

I saw a naturopath. I was told I had a dairy allergy which causes my sinus issues. I think I stumped the walk-in clinic doctor.

I did go home and steam and irrigate. And took some Nasonex. I didn’t do much> I need my Advil Cold & Sinus, but being so late in the evening and it being a non-drowsy drug, I have to suffer. At least I am not hacking up phlegm anymore.

My sinuses can be so bad that they render me useless. Ah it sucks to be me.

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I took Aaron with me to drop the forms off at the fertility clinic. The nurse/receptionist was enamored with him. I said she could tell the IP’s how cute he is, as I won’t be giving them one of his baby pics, (of this I am almost certain) only some of mine.

2 days till I get probed. And have my consult. I get to see what kind of reserve I have (egg wise). I feel like a dam.

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I applied for a job that I really want. It’s a corporate sales job with my former employer. I’ve got the inside goods, my resume and cover letter were stellar. I hope they call me for an interview. Wish me luck.

FAIL

In the last 24 hours I have screwed up; twice.

We just got a new Wal-Mart Super Center here in Victoria. Finally! I am tired of all the construction that has been taking place for nearly three years. All the hassle I have to go through to make a quick trip to Wally World.

The Grand opening was on Wednesday and Aaron and I christened it last night.

Along with the new Wal-Mart is a HUGE parking garage. It was so busy last night that there were security personnel directing traffic. I was funneled into said parking garage parked my car when I found the first available spot, grabbed a cart loaded Aaron up and proceeded to entrance expecting to have the big O on the spot.

Three years! That is how long I have been and anticipating this Wal-Mart Super Center. Three years is a long time.

But I didn’t. I am not sure why It’s nice and all, but not what I expected. Hell, they even have escalators for shopping carts! You’d think I’d be more impressed.

I let Aaron explore while I chased after him and got to the store lay-out.

After 40 minutes or so of Aaron exploring I corralled him into a cart, got our needed items and proceeded to the check out, paid, and headed to the parking garage in an industrial sized elevator. (Which reminded me of Ikea. Except there have two. Wal-Mart Canada you FAIL))

And then, I didn’t know where I parked. I had an idea so I went there.

And here.

And there.

And here.

40 minutes later I still hadn’t found the car. I ended up having to get an employee to help me find the car.

Wal-Mart FAIL!

I pushed Aaron around this parking garage for 40 minutes people! He was good the entire time. Thank god for strawberries and fruit snacks.

I had an epiphany today. I have turned into what I feared most; an Island Girl.

I was city girl, but alas she is gone. The city girl I used to be would ALWAYS check her level and parking area number. I had to growing up shopping at Metrotown. Even when I am shopping in Seattle, Portland or LA I always check my parking area number.

I have succumbed to the laid back Island life. God help me. I prided myself on my street sense ways, always remembering to lock my car even in the safest of neighbourhoods. This is instilled in anyone who grew up in Metro Vancouver which includes Surrey the the car theft capital of North America (On a side note, I don't think Suri Cruise will be happy when she learns what a Surrey Girl is despite the different spelling, this might scar her for life.)

Well she is gone. I must now mourn.

My other failure was leaving Eric in charge of some roasting vegetables while I took Aaron out. I found a new recipe that I wanted to try.

I came back to pan of charred eggplants and tomatoes.

Cooking FAIL!

In no way do I blame Eric for this. I never told him to check on the vegetables at a certain time. I even came home 3 minutes before the timer was to go off.

Let this be a lesson. If your cooking something new don't leave to house or someone else charge.

Egg Donor Disclosure

I picked up my forms from the fertility clinic yesterday and have to complete them and drop them off before my initial appointment next week.

These are some of the questions I have to answer.

1. Are you comfortable with the intended parents (IPs) having access to your medical history ?

-Yes.

2. Are you comfortable with the IPs knowing your name(s)

-No

3. Would you like to know the names of the Intended parents

-No

4. Would you like to know the outcome of this cycle ( i.e. if successful pregnancy occurred )

-Yes

5. Would you be agreeable to any children resulting from this cycle, once they reach age 18 years, being given access to your identity ?

-Undecided.

Would you be agreeable to being contacted by the IPs in the case of a medical emergency. e.g. if the child required a bone marrow transplant !

-In a heart beat!!


Question 5 really has me wavering. My initial response was to say no. I do not want any children resulting in this cycle knowing my name. What if said child(ren) wants to forge a relationship with me or shows up at my door out of the blue? This isn't something I want to deal with in the future. But then again I believe everyone has a right to know about their history.

Another thing I wonder about is if I want to know the IP's names or not. I may say no now, but then part of me might wonder and it might eat at me every time I see a pregnant woman or a new mom and baby. Victoria is too damn small for my liking. I wish I could donate in a bigger city or part of the country so the likelihood of running into any future offspring is almost impossible.

***TMI warning for men.***

I have my appointment next week. For the first time ever I will be probed down there. I will be getting a vagisound. And I do most things with a bang the first time, as I will be on my period next week it will be a blast for sure. I told the clinic this and they said it wasn't an issue. The whole probing thing doesn't bug me I just find ironic for what time of the month my initial appointment was set for.