On both pages. I emailed to the doctor at the clinic about egg donation and tattoos/piercings. He says that my getting a tattoo won't hinder my chances at egg donation as long as I go to a licensed placed. (duh!)
A friend and I went down to the shop where I am getting my tattoos done and I spoke with the artist. I am beyond stoked and 100% sure about her abilities. I can't wait until Monday!
I've been enjoy my time at my dad's. I've been spending time with friends and relaxing.
Today I am going to hot yoga in a hour and then maybe going to the beach with my dad after he's off of work.
Tomorrow I am going out to celebrate some friends birthdays. Were going to the gay bar again. I don't intend to get drunk, I want to enjoy my Sunday, most likely at the beach. It is hotter than hell here. Well for the west coast at least. Were in the middle of a heat wave and I am loving it.
I need to hope in the shower before I head to yoga. (I know it kinda defeats the purpose of sweating my brains out, but I feel gross.)
Friday, July 9, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Update of Sorts
At the moment I am hanging out at my dad's sans Aaron and Eric for a few days. The three of us made it here yesterday afternoon from my sisters and we spent the night. We took Aaron to a local water park and spent some family time together.
I have been have been more even keel now that I have been able to put some distance and time between the situation between MIL and I. I have done a lot of analyzing of the situation and I am not going to ponder it to death. I am going to write my MIL a letter and mail it, a heartfelt, constructive non accusing letter telling her how I feel. I don't want to just brush this under the rug and pretend it didn't happen. Visiting with my sister really helped, and she gave me some great insight and wisdom that only an older sister can.
There is someone else who is more at stake than me, and that's my innocent, beautiful son. despite my issues with MIL, she loves that boy. I don't know how future visits will be, but in the near future I don't foresee a visit. Eric will be away for 2 months come August, and will be deploying next spring and realistically he is the only one I would allow to take Aaron visiting to Alberta. One thing I am weary of in the future when he is old enough to make solo visits that she will talk me down to him.
I never want him put into this situation. My step-dad used to speak ill of my dad all the time and it broke me as a child. I want to protect my son from that hurt. My MIL is one to praise someone one minute and talk behind their back the next. She has done this with SIL, there is no doubt in my mind she talks about me. I am firm believer that someone gossips with you about his/her other friends and family, that the moment your back is turned they're talking about you.
I do not want Aaron subjected to this. Ever.
I will go to great lengths to protect my child. I am going to have to find a balance of things when he is a little older.
I am not going to write the letter in the next day or so as I want a little more time to think and digest the situation.
For the the next few days I am going to try to relax and get over this cold. My voice still raspy and I am still hacking up phlegm. So far today I went on a hike with a friend and went to a Bikram's yoga class. Tomorrow I will attend another hot yoga class and take it from there.
I have been have been more even keel now that I have been able to put some distance and time between the situation between MIL and I. I have done a lot of analyzing of the situation and I am not going to ponder it to death. I am going to write my MIL a letter and mail it, a heartfelt, constructive non accusing letter telling her how I feel. I don't want to just brush this under the rug and pretend it didn't happen. Visiting with my sister really helped, and she gave me some great insight and wisdom that only an older sister can.
There is someone else who is more at stake than me, and that's my innocent, beautiful son. despite my issues with MIL, she loves that boy. I don't know how future visits will be, but in the near future I don't foresee a visit. Eric will be away for 2 months come August, and will be deploying next spring and realistically he is the only one I would allow to take Aaron visiting to Alberta. One thing I am weary of in the future when he is old enough to make solo visits that she will talk me down to him.
I never want him put into this situation. My step-dad used to speak ill of my dad all the time and it broke me as a child. I want to protect my son from that hurt. My MIL is one to praise someone one minute and talk behind their back the next. She has done this with SIL, there is no doubt in my mind she talks about me. I am firm believer that someone gossips with you about his/her other friends and family, that the moment your back is turned they're talking about you.
I do not want Aaron subjected to this. Ever.
I will go to great lengths to protect my child. I am going to have to find a balance of things when he is a little older.
I am not going to write the letter in the next day or so as I want a little more time to think and digest the situation.
For the the next few days I am going to try to relax and get over this cold. My voice still raspy and I am still hacking up phlegm. So far today I went on a hike with a friend and went to a Bikram's yoga class. Tomorrow I will attend another hot yoga class and take it from there.
Crazy?
Call me crazy but I had a crazy thought a few days ago. I thought about donating my eggs. Why would I do this? I read A LOT of infertile women's blogs. I don't know how I managed to land myself in this camp, but since I started reading blogs in 2005 I've pretty much always read IVF blogs. I feel for these women, I wish I could do more than just offer moral support through comments and prayer.
Then, the other day I looked into it. I found a clinic in Victoria and contacted them. I thought I wouldn't be a candidate for at least 10 months as I have had a piercing recently which puts me at risk for HIV/AIDS. (I did my research on an American clinic's website and they said don't bother applying if you've had a piercing or tattoo in the last 12 months). So far it doesn't come into play at the Victoria clinic.
In Canada it is illegal to receive compensation for egg donation. So I wouldn't be getting any monetary gain from this. As such is the case in Canada, the clinic doesn't even have an egg donor program. The doctor emailed me some info and they want to meet with me, should I still be interested as they are always in need of donors. The only thing I'd be compensated for really is the drugs as I don't need to factor in travel or accommodations.
I've talked about this with a few people, and I've gotten mixed reactions. Eric doesn't mind in the least. Some people think I am nuts, some people are indifferent. I know that if I am found suitable for donation that the drugs may make me a bat shit crazy hormonal pregnant like lady as that's how I was for most of my pregnancy.
The clinic in Victoria gives the option of meeting the parents but I don't think I would want to should I go through with it. I want it to be anonymous and just go on with my everyday life. But it's something I might be able to do, to give someone else a shot at parenthood, something some people take for granted.
Then, the other day I looked into it. I found a clinic in Victoria and contacted them. I thought I wouldn't be a candidate for at least 10 months as I have had a piercing recently which puts me at risk for HIV/AIDS. (I did my research on an American clinic's website and they said don't bother applying if you've had a piercing or tattoo in the last 12 months). So far it doesn't come into play at the Victoria clinic.
In Canada it is illegal to receive compensation for egg donation. So I wouldn't be getting any monetary gain from this. As such is the case in Canada, the clinic doesn't even have an egg donor program. The doctor emailed me some info and they want to meet with me, should I still be interested as they are always in need of donors. The only thing I'd be compensated for really is the drugs as I don't need to factor in travel or accommodations.
I've talked about this with a few people, and I've gotten mixed reactions. Eric doesn't mind in the least. Some people think I am nuts, some people are indifferent. I know that if I am found suitable for donation that the drugs may make me a bat shit crazy hormonal pregnant like lady as that's how I was for most of my pregnancy.
The clinic in Victoria gives the option of meeting the parents but I don't think I would want to should I go through with it. I want it to be anonymous and just go on with my everyday life. But it's something I might be able to do, to give someone else a shot at parenthood, something some people take for granted.
Monday, July 5, 2010
It Came To A Head
I have been composing posts over and over in my head for the last 24 hours. I don't even know where to begin. I have experienced every emotion imaginable from red rage to black sorrow. I have been to emotional hell and back in the last 32 hours. To blame? Mother-in-law.
I am sitting At my sisters in Kamloops. Aaron and Eric are here too. We should all be in Calgary. We had to cut our trip short by 3 days. The MIL and I got into yesterday and I couldn't stay there any longer. I've been analyzing every little detail of our argument and trying to decipher her. This woman baffles me and I don't know if I will see her again at this point.
I am going to shoot for the short coherent version of the events that took place.
Yesterday, Eric and were all set to go to Edmonton. The plan was to leave Aaron with MIL and FIL and take a day trip up there. As we were getting ready to go she said "Be back by dinner." I pondered this and said "Seriously?" And she said "yes, seriously I've got shit to do." (Um okay this is news to me seeing as she has this week off.) Edmonton is 3 hours from Calgary, it was unrealistic to think we would drive 3 hours there stay 2 hours and turn around and come home.
I went upstairs to get some needed items for the trip and Eric joined me, he said that MIL had told him she felt like we were dumping Aaron on her and nobody consulted her and we assumed she would watch him. Yes, we did assume she would watch hi,, no we didn't ask her. I realise our faux pas now, BUT in our defense EVERY SINGLE TIME we see them or they visit us and especially short visits with us they say how much they miss him, how they wish that lived closer so they could see him more. So naturally we assumed it wouldn't be problem. They did watch Aaron last summer for 4 nights when we went to Vegas. After we returned, FIL said anytime we wanted them to watch him we they would and he was a good boy and no problem at all. MIL said that Aaron reminded her of Eric when he was that age and she loved watching him, so we honestly didn't think it would be a problem.
As I was coming downstairs I passed her and she said "Don't be upset, Siera." as I was already choking back tears, I lost it on her. Years of pent up anger, accusations, examples how she was rude to me, all came out. It went on from anywhere from 30-60 min. Every example I gave her, she had a rebuttal or a comeback, NOT ONCE did the damn woman apologize at all. She proceeded to tell me I am a bad mother, a princess, that I use Eric as my whipping boy and that I treat my dad with no respect. The first 3 she has no recourse whatsoever. The way I speak to my father is the only valid point she had. ( I have a difficult relationship with my dad, he acts like a child and I am not the only person who feels this way and it's not relevant to this post) Yes, I apoligized for assumimng she would watch him and much more than I needed too. I am not that stuburn.
My MIL is the most headstrong person I know. I swear to god she hates me. Eric thinks it is just the way I perceive things, but there is more to it than that. At one point she even asked him what she thought of all of it. He said she has come on a little strong to me. I was hysterical at this point and had to get out of that house.
I'll give 2 examples of the past where she has spoken to me with such disdain that your head would spin. Both our from our visit in August of 2008 when Aaron was 4 months old.
When we got to their house from the airport as soon as I got in I started to help her unload the dishwasher I asked her where the glasses went. She replied in a spiteful tone "The same place they were the last time you were hear."
Who talks to someone like that?!
The same I wanted to boil water for Aaron's bottle and I asked where the kettle was as their was crap all over the counter she replied in a room full of family "Open your eyes dear." Again how rude can you be?
Every since I was little, all I ever wanted was to be a part of a family. I had a less than ideal childhood being raised by a single father and seeing my mom every second weekend. All I wanted was normal family to spend quality time with.
In last day, my emotions have spiraled from sorrow to complete udder rage I was gripping the steering wheel so tight that that my knuckles were white. If my MIL had been anywhere near me I would've launched myself on her.
Eric and I have been through highs and lows and had the same arguments. He blames me for coming on the trip as he wanted to take Aaron on his own, and leave me behind. He says he can't be with someone who can't he can't take home. I said I won't go back to his parents house in the unless his mom apologizes.
I have a lot of feelings to work through in the next few days, and will be using this as an outlet. I'll be staying at my dad's for a few days on my own in Vancouver.
I am sitting At my sisters in Kamloops. Aaron and Eric are here too. We should all be in Calgary. We had to cut our trip short by 3 days. The MIL and I got into yesterday and I couldn't stay there any longer. I've been analyzing every little detail of our argument and trying to decipher her. This woman baffles me and I don't know if I will see her again at this point.
I am going to shoot for the short coherent version of the events that took place.
Yesterday, Eric and were all set to go to Edmonton. The plan was to leave Aaron with MIL and FIL and take a day trip up there. As we were getting ready to go she said "Be back by dinner." I pondered this and said "Seriously?" And she said "yes, seriously I've got shit to do." (Um okay this is news to me seeing as she has this week off.) Edmonton is 3 hours from Calgary, it was unrealistic to think we would drive 3 hours there stay 2 hours and turn around and come home.
I went upstairs to get some needed items for the trip and Eric joined me, he said that MIL had told him she felt like we were dumping Aaron on her and nobody consulted her and we assumed she would watch him. Yes, we did assume she would watch hi,, no we didn't ask her. I realise our faux pas now, BUT in our defense EVERY SINGLE TIME we see them or they visit us and especially short visits with us they say how much they miss him, how they wish that lived closer so they could see him more. So naturally we assumed it wouldn't be problem. They did watch Aaron last summer for 4 nights when we went to Vegas. After we returned, FIL said anytime we wanted them to watch him we they would and he was a good boy and no problem at all. MIL said that Aaron reminded her of Eric when he was that age and she loved watching him, so we honestly didn't think it would be a problem.
As I was coming downstairs I passed her and she said "Don't be upset, Siera." as I was already choking back tears, I lost it on her. Years of pent up anger, accusations, examples how she was rude to me, all came out. It went on from anywhere from 30-60 min. Every example I gave her, she had a rebuttal or a comeback, NOT ONCE did the damn woman apologize at all. She proceeded to tell me I am a bad mother, a princess, that I use Eric as my whipping boy and that I treat my dad with no respect. The first 3 she has no recourse whatsoever. The way I speak to my father is the only valid point she had. ( I have a difficult relationship with my dad, he acts like a child and I am not the only person who feels this way and it's not relevant to this post) Yes, I apoligized for assumimng she would watch him and much more than I needed too. I am not that stuburn.
My MIL is the most headstrong person I know. I swear to god she hates me. Eric thinks it is just the way I perceive things, but there is more to it than that. At one point she even asked him what she thought of all of it. He said she has come on a little strong to me. I was hysterical at this point and had to get out of that house.
I'll give 2 examples of the past where she has spoken to me with such disdain that your head would spin. Both our from our visit in August of 2008 when Aaron was 4 months old.
When we got to their house from the airport as soon as I got in I started to help her unload the dishwasher I asked her where the glasses went. She replied in a spiteful tone "The same place they were the last time you were hear."
Who talks to someone like that?!
The same I wanted to boil water for Aaron's bottle and I asked where the kettle was as their was crap all over the counter she replied in a room full of family "Open your eyes dear." Again how rude can you be?
Every since I was little, all I ever wanted was to be a part of a family. I had a less than ideal childhood being raised by a single father and seeing my mom every second weekend. All I wanted was normal family to spend quality time with.
In last day, my emotions have spiraled from sorrow to complete udder rage I was gripping the steering wheel so tight that that my knuckles were white. If my MIL had been anywhere near me I would've launched myself on her.
Eric and I have been through highs and lows and had the same arguments. He blames me for coming on the trip as he wanted to take Aaron on his own, and leave me behind. He says he can't be with someone who can't he can't take home. I said I won't go back to his parents house in the unless his mom apologizes.
I have a lot of feelings to work through in the next few days, and will be using this as an outlet. I'll be staying at my dad's for a few days on my own in Vancouver.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Wall Flower
This is a bit of a rant. I'm sure SciFi Dad can relate
I am currently camping out at Hotel In-Laws. To say that I am enjoying myself, would be an overstatement. Eric, Aaron and I made our yearly trek up to Calgary. At the moment Eric and I are coasting along. The real issue is me and I have some feelings to work through and ultimately the state of our relationship is in my hands. I am assessing if he is what I want in a partner. And I'll leave it at that for now.
My relationship with my in-laws is pretty touch and go. Especially my MIL. She is hard woman to read and is an alpha female (I've been told. I think this translates into she always has to be right, disagree with everything you say and shoot me down) I used to love my FIL until his true colors came out. I guess not living in the same vicinity as someone you really don't a get a chance to know them. I don't feel welcome at their house anymore. The only reason I came as I didn't think Eric could handle the drive from Vancouver to Calgary alone with Aaron and I was right. I'd been happy to camp out at my dad's sans Eric and Aaron, but I put my son's needs ahead of my own, as that's what a parent does.
My FIL can make some really off hand remarks and cruel comments. Usually they're directed to my MIL and it has something to do with her weight. If any male partner of mine spoke to me the way he does to her I'd be out of that relationship before he could day good-bye. I've never put up with any type of abuse be it verbal or physical. I've been in two past relationships and where both guys exhibited signs of control. Both ended pretty quickly. One lasted a month and the other five days.
In the last 2 visits with my in-laws, my FIL has made some comments that have been rude and upsetting. I don't remember the last one last year. But obviously he doesn't feel the way he once used to about me. Last night the five of us MIL, FIL, Aaron, Eric and I took a drive across town to see their new digs as their moving. One the way back, Aaron was getting antsy and pulling on his hoody. We were on Deerfoot and I asked FIL if he could pull over so I could take Aaron's sweater off. He said something along the lines of "That's a stupid f***ing idea, you can't pull over on Deerfoot. Do you guys always give into his every squawk?" I was stunned into silence and I didn't give him a a reply. He pulled over at the next exit for us to deal with Aaron and that was that. He could've been more tactful and said "Right now isn't a good time to pull over but I will as soon as it's safe to do so." I was silent the rest of the way home and as soon as I had Aaron bathed and in bed I went out. I met up with a friend for coffee at 10pm. Whics is way later than I normally start a night out that doesn't involve alcohol. I just had to get away from this place. My friend was a sweetheart and said anytime while I am here I can come over to visit and bring Aaron. I think I will take her up on that.
I used to love coming to Calgary, but I don't anymore. I feel like a wall flower here. I am trying to blend in and stay out of every one's way and go out as much as possible or hide out in the basement and read. I let them deal with Aaron as much as they want as they only see him two times per year and the dote on him. But I don't leave the parenting to them. I've had fleeting thoughts and I second guess myself as a parent or that I am a bad parent, and he'd be better off raised by them as there so much better with him and he actually listens to them as opposed to Eric and I. On more than one occasion Eric and I have asked each other if were cut out to be parents as Aaron frustrates us so much at times we want to bang our head against the wall.
Before I got up here, I so needed a break from Aaron. He was getting to me, and I was looking forward to alone time so much that I almost didn't come but I knew what the outcome would be on that trip with Eric.
I was so stressed out in the days leading up to our trip, that I wasn't able to sleep for 3 days, I got worn out and got a nasty sinus/head cold/hacking up phlegm. I made the trip up here hacking my brains out and I even lost my voice. By the time we arrived my voice was a hoarse whisper and I just gave up on talking beyond needing to communicate basic needs. This is probably a good thing seeing as MIL and I butt heads she is probably delighted. And it has made me bite my tongue a lot. My MIL can say some pretty offhand things, and I've learned to smile and nod and bite my tongue. For example yesterday, I commented that I wanted to make a day trip to Edmonton with Eric sans Aaron and she said "Why would you want to go there? There is nothing up there." In a very negative tone implying her opinion was all that mattered. Mrs. Negativity. Now I know where Eric gets it from.
Eric was telling me what a shit hole Edmonton was, on our way out to the lake today and saying that I wasn't going to like it. So I said what was the point of going? And he said he'd still take me. I really don't want to start a day trip with that frame of mind, so I really don't want to go as I've already got a bad taste in my mouth. I can't wait to escape here and go to my dad's and have a few days to myself.
I am currently camping out at Hotel In-Laws. To say that I am enjoying myself, would be an overstatement. Eric, Aaron and I made our yearly trek up to Calgary. At the moment Eric and I are coasting along. The real issue is me and I have some feelings to work through and ultimately the state of our relationship is in my hands. I am assessing if he is what I want in a partner. And I'll leave it at that for now.
My relationship with my in-laws is pretty touch and go. Especially my MIL. She is hard woman to read and is an alpha female (I've been told. I think this translates into she always has to be right, disagree with everything you say and shoot me down) I used to love my FIL until his true colors came out. I guess not living in the same vicinity as someone you really don't a get a chance to know them. I don't feel welcome at their house anymore. The only reason I came as I didn't think Eric could handle the drive from Vancouver to Calgary alone with Aaron and I was right. I'd been happy to camp out at my dad's sans Eric and Aaron, but I put my son's needs ahead of my own, as that's what a parent does.
My FIL can make some really off hand remarks and cruel comments. Usually they're directed to my MIL and it has something to do with her weight. If any male partner of mine spoke to me the way he does to her I'd be out of that relationship before he could day good-bye. I've never put up with any type of abuse be it verbal or physical. I've been in two past relationships and where both guys exhibited signs of control. Both ended pretty quickly. One lasted a month and the other five days.
In the last 2 visits with my in-laws, my FIL has made some comments that have been rude and upsetting. I don't remember the last one last year. But obviously he doesn't feel the way he once used to about me. Last night the five of us MIL, FIL, Aaron, Eric and I took a drive across town to see their new digs as their moving. One the way back, Aaron was getting antsy and pulling on his hoody. We were on Deerfoot and I asked FIL if he could pull over so I could take Aaron's sweater off. He said something along the lines of "That's a stupid f***ing idea, you can't pull over on Deerfoot. Do you guys always give into his every squawk?" I was stunned into silence and I didn't give him a a reply. He pulled over at the next exit for us to deal with Aaron and that was that. He could've been more tactful and said "Right now isn't a good time to pull over but I will as soon as it's safe to do so." I was silent the rest of the way home and as soon as I had Aaron bathed and in bed I went out. I met up with a friend for coffee at 10pm. Whics is way later than I normally start a night out that doesn't involve alcohol. I just had to get away from this place. My friend was a sweetheart and said anytime while I am here I can come over to visit and bring Aaron. I think I will take her up on that.
I used to love coming to Calgary, but I don't anymore. I feel like a wall flower here. I am trying to blend in and stay out of every one's way and go out as much as possible or hide out in the basement and read. I let them deal with Aaron as much as they want as they only see him two times per year and the dote on him. But I don't leave the parenting to them. I've had fleeting thoughts and I second guess myself as a parent or that I am a bad parent, and he'd be better off raised by them as there so much better with him and he actually listens to them as opposed to Eric and I. On more than one occasion Eric and I have asked each other if were cut out to be parents as Aaron frustrates us so much at times we want to bang our head against the wall.
Before I got up here, I so needed a break from Aaron. He was getting to me, and I was looking forward to alone time so much that I almost didn't come but I knew what the outcome would be on that trip with Eric.
I was so stressed out in the days leading up to our trip, that I wasn't able to sleep for 3 days, I got worn out and got a nasty sinus/head cold/hacking up phlegm. I made the trip up here hacking my brains out and I even lost my voice. By the time we arrived my voice was a hoarse whisper and I just gave up on talking beyond needing to communicate basic needs. This is probably a good thing seeing as MIL and I butt heads she is probably delighted. And it has made me bite my tongue a lot. My MIL can say some pretty offhand things, and I've learned to smile and nod and bite my tongue. For example yesterday, I commented that I wanted to make a day trip to Edmonton with Eric sans Aaron and she said "Why would you want to go there? There is nothing up there." In a very negative tone implying her opinion was all that mattered. Mrs. Negativity. Now I know where Eric gets it from.
Eric was telling me what a shit hole Edmonton was, on our way out to the lake today and saying that I wasn't going to like it. So I said what was the point of going? And he said he'd still take me. I really don't want to start a day trip with that frame of mind, so I really don't want to go as I've already got a bad taste in my mouth. I can't wait to escape here and go to my dad's and have a few days to myself.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Rant
Eric and I our in Vancouver for the night. The three of us are headed to Calgary tomorrow to see the in-laws. Today is my dad's birthday and we stopped in for the day and took him out for dinner. A friend graciously watched Aaron and we went out to an establishment of his choice. We went here. I haven't eaten here in years and the food was lousy and the service sucked. Our waitress must have taken ten minutes to bring us our check when we requested it. She was snarky and didn't even pretend to careabout us or the service she provided. As for the food I don't know how you can screw up a chicken quesidilla but the thing was minuscule and the chicken was dry. I used to love going here, but never again.
While I am on the subject of restaurants.
Dear Hostess at Boston Pizza:
I dined at your restaurant last week. I know your young and blond and probably dyed your hair too many shades of white blond and the chemicals must have seeped into your brain, BUT the first rule of working in a food establishment is to wash your hands after you go to the bathroom. Yes, I noticed while I was in the next stall over changing my son's diaper that after you left your stall you didn't wash your hands. Ew. I know you don't serve the food itself nor prepare it but you touch the menus I touch and wrap the cutlery I eat with.
Sincerely,
Grosses Out Patron
While I am on the subject of restaurants.
Dear Hostess at Boston Pizza:
I dined at your restaurant last week. I know your young and blond and probably dyed your hair too many shades of white blond and the chemicals must have seeped into your brain, BUT the first rule of working in a food establishment is to wash your hands after you go to the bathroom. Yes, I noticed while I was in the next stall over changing my son's diaper that after you left your stall you didn't wash your hands. Ew. I know you don't serve the food itself nor prepare it but you touch the menus I touch and wrap the cutlery I eat with.
Sincerely,
Grosses Out Patron
Friday, June 25, 2010
Missing
In the last couple of weeks I have been reflecting a lot on what my life used to be like before I became a mom. I miss a lot of the little things I used to take for granted.
- I miss driving down Highway 1 (Trans Canada Hwy) through Burnaby and Vancouver on my way to work. I miss the simple things about this drive especially talking on the phone to my friends. (Driving hands free has only been introduced in BC recently.) I got to do this the last time I was in Vancouver while driving into Burnaby with my phone on speaker. I miss this.
- I miss the familiarity of going into work every morning and washing out the coffee urns and making coffee when I worked the 7am shift. I miss booting up my computer at work and logging into the same programs and the camaraderie I had with my co-workers.
- I miss my friend Joe. I met him at work and he was like a little brother to me. We're still friends but I miss talking to him on our breaks and the male perspective he used to give me when Eric and I had an argument and he'd put me in my place. Things changed He got married, I had a baby.
- I miss our Karaoke nights that I could count on every Thursday night. Joe would always be there, so would a handful of his roommates and some of my friends. Joe and I would always sing "Jackson" by Johnny Cash and June Carter. It was a terrible rendition, but ours none the less. I will sing karaoke stone cold sober, or drunk.
- I miss going to the mall with Eric and trying clothes not having a care in the world. If I were trying on pants he’d grab my ass and give it the squeeze test.
Tonight I had the chance to go to the mall by myself and I tried on clothes. Office clothes to be exact. I went to Ricki's I love that store. I am anywhere to a 0 - 4 in their sizes. In normal stores, I am not a 4. I am a 6 - 8. Shopping there makes me feel good. If I do get the job that I am coveting, I will need a few good pieces to add to my work attire.
I miss working. I miss having a purpose. I realize being a stay-at-home-mom is a purpose, but I miss working and I think Aaron would thrive in a daycare. (A good one, not some random one he is on some waitlists to some good ones.) If I do end up going back to work it will be an adjustment but we will get through it. And if working isn't meant to be, I can quit. In the next year if I do not go back to work to a decent job, I will be going back to school.
- I miss driving down Highway 1 (Trans Canada Hwy) through Burnaby and Vancouver on my way to work. I miss the simple things about this drive especially talking on the phone to my friends. (Driving hands free has only been introduced in BC recently.) I got to do this the last time I was in Vancouver while driving into Burnaby with my phone on speaker. I miss this.
- I miss the familiarity of going into work every morning and washing out the coffee urns and making coffee when I worked the 7am shift. I miss booting up my computer at work and logging into the same programs and the camaraderie I had with my co-workers.
- I miss my friend Joe. I met him at work and he was like a little brother to me. We're still friends but I miss talking to him on our breaks and the male perspective he used to give me when Eric and I had an argument and he'd put me in my place. Things changed He got married, I had a baby.
- I miss our Karaoke nights that I could count on every Thursday night. Joe would always be there, so would a handful of his roommates and some of my friends. Joe and I would always sing "Jackson" by Johnny Cash and June Carter. It was a terrible rendition, but ours none the less. I will sing karaoke stone cold sober, or drunk.
- I miss going to the mall with Eric and trying clothes not having a care in the world. If I were trying on pants he’d grab my ass and give it the squeeze test.
Tonight I had the chance to go to the mall by myself and I tried on clothes. Office clothes to be exact. I went to Ricki's I love that store. I am anywhere to a 0 - 4 in their sizes. In normal stores, I am not a 4. I am a 6 - 8. Shopping there makes me feel good. If I do get the job that I am coveting, I will need a few good pieces to add to my work attire.
I miss working. I miss having a purpose. I realize being a stay-at-home-mom is a purpose, but I miss working and I think Aaron would thrive in a daycare. (A good one, not some random one he is on some waitlists to some good ones.) If I do end up going back to work it will be an adjustment but we will get through it. And if working isn't meant to be, I can quit. In the next year if I do not go back to work to a decent job, I will be going back to school.
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