Monday, July 5, 2010

It Came To A Head

I have been composing posts over and over in my head for the last 24 hours. I don't even know where to begin. I have experienced every emotion imaginable from red rage to black sorrow. I have been to emotional hell and back in the last 32 hours. To blame? Mother-in-law.

I am sitting At my sisters in Kamloops. Aaron and Eric are here too. We should all be in Calgary. We had to cut our trip short by 3 days. The MIL and I got into yesterday and I couldn't stay there any longer. I've been analyzing every little detail of our argument and trying to decipher her. This woman baffles me and I don't know if I will see her again at this point.

I am going to shoot for the short coherent version of the events that took place.

Yesterday, Eric and were all set to go to Edmonton. The plan was to leave Aaron with MIL and FIL and take a day trip up there. As we were getting ready to go she said "Be back by dinner." I pondered this and said "Seriously?" And she said "yes, seriously I've got shit to do." (Um okay this is news to me seeing as she has this week off.) Edmonton is 3 hours from Calgary, it was unrealistic to think we would drive 3 hours there stay 2 hours and turn around and come home.

I went upstairs to get some needed items for the trip and Eric joined me, he said that MIL had told him she felt like we were dumping Aaron on her and nobody consulted her and we assumed she would watch him. Yes, we did assume she would watch hi,, no we didn't ask her. I realise our faux pas now, BUT in our defense EVERY SINGLE TIME we see them or they visit us and especially short visits with us they say how much they miss him, how they wish that lived closer so they could see him more. So naturally we assumed it wouldn't be problem. They did watch Aaron last summer for 4 nights when we went to Vegas. After we returned, FIL said anytime we wanted them to watch him we they would and he was a good boy and no problem at all. MIL said that Aaron reminded her of Eric when he was that age and she loved watching him, so we honestly didn't think it would be a problem.

As I was coming downstairs I passed her and she said "Don't be upset, Siera." as I was already choking back tears, I lost it on her. Years of pent up anger, accusations, examples how she was rude to me, all came out. It went on from anywhere from 30-60 min. Every example I gave her, she had a rebuttal or a comeback, NOT ONCE did the damn woman apologize at all. She proceeded to tell me I am a bad mother, a princess, that I use Eric as my whipping boy and that I treat my dad with no respect. The first 3 she has no recourse whatsoever. The way I speak to my father is the only valid point she had. ( I have a difficult relationship with my dad, he acts like a child and I am not the only person who feels this way and it's not relevant to this post) Yes, I apoligized for assumimng she would watch him and much more than I needed too. I am not that stuburn.

My MIL is the most headstrong person I know. I swear to god she hates me. Eric thinks it is just the way I perceive things, but there is more to it than that. At one point she even asked him what she thought of all of it. He said she has come on a little strong to me. I was hysterical at this point and had to get out of that house.

I'll give 2 examples of the past where she has spoken to me with such disdain that your head would spin. Both our from our visit in August of 2008 when Aaron was 4 months old.

When we got to their house from the airport as soon as I got in I started to help her unload the dishwasher I asked her where the glasses went. She replied in a spiteful tone "The same place they were the last time you were hear."

Who talks to someone like that?!

The same I wanted to boil water for Aaron's bottle and I asked where the kettle was as their was crap all over the counter she replied in a room full of family "Open your eyes dear." Again how rude can you be?

Every since I was little, all I ever wanted was to be a part of a family. I had a less than ideal childhood being raised by a single father and seeing my mom every second weekend. All I wanted was normal family to spend quality time with.

In last day, my emotions have spiraled from sorrow to complete udder rage I was gripping the steering wheel so tight that that my knuckles were white. If my MIL had been anywhere near me I would've launched myself on her.

Eric and I have been through highs and lows and had the same arguments. He blames me for coming on the trip as he wanted to take Aaron on his own, and leave me behind. He says he can't be with someone who can't he can't take home. I said I won't go back to his parents house in the unless his mom apologizes.

I have a lot of feelings to work through in the next few days, and will be using this as an outlet. I'll be staying at my dad's for a few days on my own in Vancouver.


S.I.F. said...

Oh lady, I am so sorry it went so south! I really don't even know what to say, except that I understand that desire to be a part of a family so well. I wish she hadn't made you feel that way, but I hope you can find some closure somehow... I'm just sorry!

SciFi Dad said...

All I will say is if Eric said what he said, then you already have all the information you need.

I'm sorry it came to this, but if the woman is that toxic, and he feels that way, you're better off without that in your life.