I have been composing posts over and over in my head for the last 24 hours. I don't even know where to begin. I have experienced every emotion imaginable from red rage to black sorrow. I have been to emotional hell and back in the last 32 hours. To blame? Mother-in-law.
I am sitting At my sisters in Kamloops. Aaron and Eric are here too. We should all be in Calgary. We had to cut our trip short by 3 days. The MIL and I got into yesterday and I couldn't stay there any longer. I've been analyzing every little detail of our argument and trying to decipher her. This woman baffles me and I don't know if I will see her again at this point.
I am going to shoot for the short coherent version of the events that took place.
Yesterday, Eric and were all set to go to Edmonton. The plan was to leave Aaron with MIL and FIL and take a day trip up there. As we were getting ready to go she said "Be back by dinner." I pondered this and said "Seriously?" And she said "yes, seriously I've got shit to do." (Um okay this is news to me seeing as she has this week off.) Edmonton is 3 hours from Calgary, it was unrealistic to think we would drive 3 hours there stay 2 hours and turn around and come home.
I went upstairs to get some needed items for the trip and Eric joined me, he said that MIL had told him she felt like we were dumping Aaron on her and nobody consulted her and we assumed she would watch him. Yes, we did assume she would watch hi,, no we didn't ask her. I realise our faux pas now, BUT in our defense EVERY SINGLE TIME we see them or they visit us and especially short visits with us they say how much they miss him, how they wish that lived closer so they could see him more. So naturally we assumed it wouldn't be problem. They did watch Aaron last summer for 4 nights when we went to Vegas. After we returned, FIL said anytime we wanted them to watch him we they would and he was a good boy and no problem at all. MIL said that Aaron reminded her of Eric when he was that age and she loved watching him, so we honestly didn't think it would be a problem.
As I was coming downstairs I passed her and she said "Don't be upset, Siera." as I was already choking back tears, I lost it on her. Years of pent up anger, accusations, examples how she was rude to me, all came out. It went on from anywhere from 30-60 min. Every example I gave her, she had a rebuttal or a comeback, NOT ONCE did the damn woman apologize at all. She proceeded to tell me I am a bad mother, a princess, that I use Eric as my whipping boy and that I treat my dad with no respect. The first 3 she has no recourse whatsoever. The way I speak to my father is the only valid point she had. ( I have a difficult relationship with my dad, he acts like a child and I am not the only person who feels this way and it's not relevant to this post) Yes, I apoligized for assumimng she would watch him and much more than I needed too. I am not that stuburn.
My MIL is the most headstrong person I know. I swear to god she hates me. Eric thinks it is just the way I perceive things, but there is more to it than that. At one point she even asked him what she thought of all of it. He said she has come on a little strong to me. I was hysterical at this point and had to get out of that house.
I'll give 2 examples of the past where she has spoken to me with such disdain that your head would spin. Both our from our visit in August of 2008 when Aaron was 4 months old.
When we got to their house from the airport as soon as I got in I started to help her unload the dishwasher I asked her where the glasses went. She replied in a spiteful tone "The same place they were the last time you were hear."
Who talks to someone like that?!
The same I wanted to boil water for Aaron's bottle and I asked where the kettle was as their was crap all over the counter she replied in a room full of family "Open your eyes dear." Again how rude can you be?
Every since I was little, all I ever wanted was to be a part of a family. I had a less than ideal childhood being raised by a single father and seeing my mom every second weekend. All I wanted was normal family to spend quality time with.
In last day, my emotions have spiraled from sorrow to complete udder rage I was gripping the steering wheel so tight that that my knuckles were white. If my MIL had been anywhere near me I would've launched myself on her.
Eric and I have been through highs and lows and had the same arguments. He blames me for coming on the trip as he wanted to take Aaron on his own, and leave me behind. He says he can't be with someone who can't he can't take home. I said I won't go back to his parents house in the unless his mom apologizes.
I have a lot of feelings to work through in the next few days, and will be using this as an outlet. I'll be staying at my dad's for a few days on my own in Vancouver.
Showing posts with label in-laws. Show all posts
Showing posts with label in-laws. Show all posts
Monday, July 5, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Wall Flower
This is a bit of a rant. I'm sure SciFi Dad can relate
I am currently camping out at Hotel In-Laws. To say that I am enjoying myself, would be an overstatement. Eric, Aaron and I made our yearly trek up to Calgary. At the moment Eric and I are coasting along. The real issue is me and I have some feelings to work through and ultimately the state of our relationship is in my hands. I am assessing if he is what I want in a partner. And I'll leave it at that for now.
My relationship with my in-laws is pretty touch and go. Especially my MIL. She is hard woman to read and is an alpha female (I've been told. I think this translates into she always has to be right, disagree with everything you say and shoot me down) I used to love my FIL until his true colors came out. I guess not living in the same vicinity as someone you really don't a get a chance to know them. I don't feel welcome at their house anymore. The only reason I came as I didn't think Eric could handle the drive from Vancouver to Calgary alone with Aaron and I was right. I'd been happy to camp out at my dad's sans Eric and Aaron, but I put my son's needs ahead of my own, as that's what a parent does.
My FIL can make some really off hand remarks and cruel comments. Usually they're directed to my MIL and it has something to do with her weight. If any male partner of mine spoke to me the way he does to her I'd be out of that relationship before he could day good-bye. I've never put up with any type of abuse be it verbal or physical. I've been in two past relationships and where both guys exhibited signs of control. Both ended pretty quickly. One lasted a month and the other five days.
In the last 2 visits with my in-laws, my FIL has made some comments that have been rude and upsetting. I don't remember the last one last year. But obviously he doesn't feel the way he once used to about me. Last night the five of us MIL, FIL, Aaron, Eric and I took a drive across town to see their new digs as their moving. One the way back, Aaron was getting antsy and pulling on his hoody. We were on Deerfoot and I asked FIL if he could pull over so I could take Aaron's sweater off. He said something along the lines of "That's a stupid f***ing idea, you can't pull over on Deerfoot. Do you guys always give into his every squawk?" I was stunned into silence and I didn't give him a a reply. He pulled over at the next exit for us to deal with Aaron and that was that. He could've been more tactful and said "Right now isn't a good time to pull over but I will as soon as it's safe to do so." I was silent the rest of the way home and as soon as I had Aaron bathed and in bed I went out. I met up with a friend for coffee at 10pm. Whics is way later than I normally start a night out that doesn't involve alcohol. I just had to get away from this place. My friend was a sweetheart and said anytime while I am here I can come over to visit and bring Aaron. I think I will take her up on that.
I used to love coming to Calgary, but I don't anymore. I feel like a wall flower here. I am trying to blend in and stay out of every one's way and go out as much as possible or hide out in the basement and read. I let them deal with Aaron as much as they want as they only see him two times per year and the dote on him. But I don't leave the parenting to them. I've had fleeting thoughts and I second guess myself as a parent or that I am a bad parent, and he'd be better off raised by them as there so much better with him and he actually listens to them as opposed to Eric and I. On more than one occasion Eric and I have asked each other if were cut out to be parents as Aaron frustrates us so much at times we want to bang our head against the wall.
Before I got up here, I so needed a break from Aaron. He was getting to me, and I was looking forward to alone time so much that I almost didn't come but I knew what the outcome would be on that trip with Eric.
I was so stressed out in the days leading up to our trip, that I wasn't able to sleep for 3 days, I got worn out and got a nasty sinus/head cold/hacking up phlegm. I made the trip up here hacking my brains out and I even lost my voice. By the time we arrived my voice was a hoarse whisper and I just gave up on talking beyond needing to communicate basic needs. This is probably a good thing seeing as MIL and I butt heads she is probably delighted. And it has made me bite my tongue a lot. My MIL can say some pretty offhand things, and I've learned to smile and nod and bite my tongue. For example yesterday, I commented that I wanted to make a day trip to Edmonton with Eric sans Aaron and she said "Why would you want to go there? There is nothing up there." In a very negative tone implying her opinion was all that mattered. Mrs. Negativity. Now I know where Eric gets it from.
Eric was telling me what a shit hole Edmonton was, on our way out to the lake today and saying that I wasn't going to like it. So I said what was the point of going? And he said he'd still take me. I really don't want to start a day trip with that frame of mind, so I really don't want to go as I've already got a bad taste in my mouth. I can't wait to escape here and go to my dad's and have a few days to myself.
I am currently camping out at Hotel In-Laws. To say that I am enjoying myself, would be an overstatement. Eric, Aaron and I made our yearly trek up to Calgary. At the moment Eric and I are coasting along. The real issue is me and I have some feelings to work through and ultimately the state of our relationship is in my hands. I am assessing if he is what I want in a partner. And I'll leave it at that for now.
My relationship with my in-laws is pretty touch and go. Especially my MIL. She is hard woman to read and is an alpha female (I've been told. I think this translates into she always has to be right, disagree with everything you say and shoot me down) I used to love my FIL until his true colors came out. I guess not living in the same vicinity as someone you really don't a get a chance to know them. I don't feel welcome at their house anymore. The only reason I came as I didn't think Eric could handle the drive from Vancouver to Calgary alone with Aaron and I was right. I'd been happy to camp out at my dad's sans Eric and Aaron, but I put my son's needs ahead of my own, as that's what a parent does.
My FIL can make some really off hand remarks and cruel comments. Usually they're directed to my MIL and it has something to do with her weight. If any male partner of mine spoke to me the way he does to her I'd be out of that relationship before he could day good-bye. I've never put up with any type of abuse be it verbal or physical. I've been in two past relationships and where both guys exhibited signs of control. Both ended pretty quickly. One lasted a month and the other five days.
In the last 2 visits with my in-laws, my FIL has made some comments that have been rude and upsetting. I don't remember the last one last year. But obviously he doesn't feel the way he once used to about me. Last night the five of us MIL, FIL, Aaron, Eric and I took a drive across town to see their new digs as their moving. One the way back, Aaron was getting antsy and pulling on his hoody. We were on Deerfoot and I asked FIL if he could pull over so I could take Aaron's sweater off. He said something along the lines of "That's a stupid f***ing idea, you can't pull over on Deerfoot. Do you guys always give into his every squawk?" I was stunned into silence and I didn't give him a a reply. He pulled over at the next exit for us to deal with Aaron and that was that. He could've been more tactful and said "Right now isn't a good time to pull over but I will as soon as it's safe to do so." I was silent the rest of the way home and as soon as I had Aaron bathed and in bed I went out. I met up with a friend for coffee at 10pm. Whics is way later than I normally start a night out that doesn't involve alcohol. I just had to get away from this place. My friend was a sweetheart and said anytime while I am here I can come over to visit and bring Aaron. I think I will take her up on that.
I used to love coming to Calgary, but I don't anymore. I feel like a wall flower here. I am trying to blend in and stay out of every one's way and go out as much as possible or hide out in the basement and read. I let them deal with Aaron as much as they want as they only see him two times per year and the dote on him. But I don't leave the parenting to them. I've had fleeting thoughts and I second guess myself as a parent or that I am a bad parent, and he'd be better off raised by them as there so much better with him and he actually listens to them as opposed to Eric and I. On more than one occasion Eric and I have asked each other if were cut out to be parents as Aaron frustrates us so much at times we want to bang our head against the wall.
Before I got up here, I so needed a break from Aaron. He was getting to me, and I was looking forward to alone time so much that I almost didn't come but I knew what the outcome would be on that trip with Eric.
I was so stressed out in the days leading up to our trip, that I wasn't able to sleep for 3 days, I got worn out and got a nasty sinus/head cold/hacking up phlegm. I made the trip up here hacking my brains out and I even lost my voice. By the time we arrived my voice was a hoarse whisper and I just gave up on talking beyond needing to communicate basic needs. This is probably a good thing seeing as MIL and I butt heads she is probably delighted. And it has made me bite my tongue a lot. My MIL can say some pretty offhand things, and I've learned to smile and nod and bite my tongue. For example yesterday, I commented that I wanted to make a day trip to Edmonton with Eric sans Aaron and she said "Why would you want to go there? There is nothing up there." In a very negative tone implying her opinion was all that mattered. Mrs. Negativity. Now I know where Eric gets it from.
Eric was telling me what a shit hole Edmonton was, on our way out to the lake today and saying that I wasn't going to like it. So I said what was the point of going? And he said he'd still take me. I really don't want to start a day trip with that frame of mind, so I really don't want to go as I've already got a bad taste in my mouth. I can't wait to escape here and go to my dad's and have a few days to myself.
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