Saturday, July 3, 2010

Wall Flower

This is a bit of a rant. I'm sure SciFi Dad can relate

I am currently camping out at Hotel In-Laws. To say that I am enjoying myself, would be an overstatement. Eric, Aaron and I made our yearly trek up to Calgary. At the moment Eric and I are coasting along. The real issue is me and I have some feelings to work through and ultimately the state of our relationship is in my hands. I am assessing if he is what I want in a partner. And I'll leave it at that for now.

My relationship with my in-laws is pretty touch and go. Especially my MIL. She is hard woman to read and is an alpha female (I've been told. I think this translates into she always has to be right, disagree with everything you say and shoot me down) I used to love my FIL until his true colors came out. I guess not living in the same vicinity as someone you really don't a get a chance to know them. I don't feel welcome at their house anymore. The only reason I came as I didn't think Eric could handle the drive from Vancouver to Calgary alone with Aaron and I was right. I'd been happy to camp out at my dad's sans Eric and Aaron, but I put my son's needs ahead of my own, as that's what a parent does.

My FIL can make some really off hand remarks and cruel comments. Usually they're directed to my MIL and it has something to do with her weight. If any male partner of mine spoke to me the way he does to her I'd be out of that relationship before he could day good-bye. I've never put up with any type of abuse be it verbal or physical. I've been in two past relationships and where both guys exhibited signs of control. Both ended pretty quickly. One lasted a month and the other five days.

In the last 2 visits with my in-laws, my FIL has made some comments that have been rude and upsetting. I don't remember the last one last year. But obviously he doesn't feel the way he once used to about me. Last night the five of us MIL, FIL, Aaron, Eric and I took a drive across town to see their new digs as their moving. One the way back, Aaron was getting antsy and pulling on his hoody. We were on Deerfoot and I asked FIL if he could pull over so I could take Aaron's sweater off. He said something along the lines of "That's a stupid f***ing idea, you can't pull over on Deerfoot. Do you guys always give into his every squawk?" I was stunned into silence and I didn't give him a a reply. He pulled over at the next exit for us to deal with Aaron and that was that. He could've been more tactful and said "Right now isn't a good time to pull over but I will as soon as it's safe to do so." I was silent the rest of the way home and as soon as I had Aaron bathed and in bed I went out. I met up with a friend for coffee at 10pm. Whics is way later than I normally start a night out that doesn't involve alcohol. I just had to get away from this place. My friend was a sweetheart and said anytime while I am here I can come over to visit and bring Aaron. I think I will take her up on that.

I used to love coming to Calgary, but I don't anymore. I feel like a wall flower here. I am trying to blend in and stay out of every one's way and go out as much as possible or hide out in the basement and read. I let them deal with Aaron as much as they want as they only see him two times per year and the dote on him. But I don't leave the parenting to them. I've had fleeting thoughts and I second guess myself as a parent or that I am a bad parent, and he'd be better off raised by them as there so much better with him and he actually listens to them as opposed to Eric and I. On more than one occasion Eric and I have asked each other if were cut out to be parents as Aaron frustrates us so much at times we want to bang our head against the wall.

Before I got up here, I so needed a break from Aaron. He was getting to me, and I was looking forward to alone time so much that I almost didn't come but I knew what the outcome would be on that trip with Eric.

I was so stressed out in the days leading up to our trip, that I wasn't able to sleep for 3 days, I got worn out and got a nasty sinus/head cold/hacking up phlegm. I made the trip up here hacking my brains out and I even lost my voice. By the time we arrived my voice was a hoarse whisper and I just gave up on talking beyond needing to communicate basic needs. This is probably a good thing seeing as MIL and I butt heads she is probably delighted. And it has made me bite my tongue a lot. My MIL can say some pretty offhand things, and I've learned to smile and nod and bite my tongue. For example yesterday, I commented that I wanted to make a day trip to Edmonton with Eric sans Aaron and she said "Why would you want to go there? There is nothing up there." In a very negative tone implying her opinion was all that mattered. Mrs. Negativity. Now I know where Eric gets it from.

Eric was telling me what a shit hole Edmonton was, on our way out to the lake today and saying that I wasn't going to like it. So I said what was the point of going? And he said he'd still take me. I really don't want to start a day trip with that frame of mind, so I really don't want to go as I've already got a bad taste in my mouth. I can't wait to escape here and go to my dad's and have a few days to myself.

1 comment:

SciFi Dad said...

Wow... are you sure Eric isn't my long-lost BIL, because your inlaws sound so much like mine it isn't even funny.

And if it makes you feel any better, I employ the same wall flower approach with mine as you do with yours.

Regardless, it sucks that you have to go through it. Nobody should have to. I'm sorry.