Not At This Time

I had my psych assessment for egg donation today. The psychologist told me that he doesn’t think that ED is something I should do at this time.

We talked at length about different scenarios, and if I wanted to meet the IP’s or not. He thinks it’s good to tell the child(ren) and Aaron about the ED as everyone wants to know where they come from and what if any child that should result of my being an ED were to meet up with Aaron later on in life.

I got to thinking of a whole list of worries. What if a girl child were to result of it and her and Aaron were to meet up later in life and start dating? It’s highly unlikely but not impossible.

I then started worrying about other issues like what of there was a relative in the IP's family who was a child molester and because I donated eggs I subjected a potential child to this. Or what if the mom had cancer previously which left her infertile and then she has a baby and the cancer came back and she wasn’t able to beat it. That child wouldn’t have a mother, and enabled that to happen.

Or if the couple were to donate frozen embryos to another set of IP’s that brings up a whole lot of questions about IP’s.

What it comes down to is I worry too much, and what psychological repercussions would it have on me in the future and the current state of my relationship with Eric. Now isn’t the best time. We discussed the fact that I have General Anxiety Disorder and he thinks I should seek treatment (I didn’t know there was) through cognitive behavioral therapy (talking it out) with a psychologists and if ED is something I am still interested in than I should proceed with it at that time.

I am disappointed to say the least, but I think I have too many what if scenarios to be 100% comfortable with it. I just feel for infertile people and I cry when I read there stories and can’t imagine going through their plight. It would break me. Hence wanting to be a donor, but alas it isn’t meant to be at this moment. Hopefully this will change in a few months.