At the moment I am hanging out at my dad's sans Aaron and Eric for a few days. The three of us made it here yesterday afternoon from my sisters and we spent the night. We took Aaron to a local water park and spent some family time together.
I have been have been more even keel now that I have been able to put some distance and time between the situation between MIL and I. I have done a lot of analyzing of the situation and I am not going to ponder it to death. I am going to write my MIL a letter and mail it, a heartfelt, constructive non accusing letter telling her how I feel. I don't want to just brush this under the rug and pretend it didn't happen. Visiting with my sister really helped, and she gave me some great insight and wisdom that only an older sister can.
There is someone else who is more at stake than me, and that's my innocent, beautiful son. despite my issues with MIL, she loves that boy. I don't know how future visits will be, but in the near future I don't foresee a visit. Eric will be away for 2 months come August, and will be deploying next spring and realistically he is the only one I would allow to take Aaron visiting to Alberta. One thing I am weary of in the future when he is old enough to make solo visits that she will talk me down to him.
I never want him put into this situation. My step-dad used to speak ill of my dad all the time and it broke me as a child. I want to protect my son from that hurt. My MIL is one to praise someone one minute and talk behind their back the next. She has done this with SIL, there is no doubt in my mind she talks about me. I am firm believer that someone gossips with you about his/her other friends and family, that the moment your back is turned they're talking about you.
I do not want Aaron subjected to this. Ever.
I will go to great lengths to protect my child. I am going to have to find a balance of things when he is a little older.
I am not going to write the letter in the next day or so as I want a little more time to think and digest the situation.
For the the next few days I am going to try to relax and get over this cold. My voice still raspy and I am still hacking up phlegm. So far today I went on a hike with a friend and went to a Bikram's yoga class. Tomorrow I will attend another hot yoga class and take it from there.
Showing posts with label MIL from hell. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MIL from hell. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
It Came To A Head
I have been composing posts over and over in my head for the last 24 hours. I don't even know where to begin. I have experienced every emotion imaginable from red rage to black sorrow. I have been to emotional hell and back in the last 32 hours. To blame? Mother-in-law.
I am sitting At my sisters in Kamloops. Aaron and Eric are here too. We should all be in Calgary. We had to cut our trip short by 3 days. The MIL and I got into yesterday and I couldn't stay there any longer. I've been analyzing every little detail of our argument and trying to decipher her. This woman baffles me and I don't know if I will see her again at this point.
I am going to shoot for the short coherent version of the events that took place.
Yesterday, Eric and were all set to go to Edmonton. The plan was to leave Aaron with MIL and FIL and take a day trip up there. As we were getting ready to go she said "Be back by dinner." I pondered this and said "Seriously?" And she said "yes, seriously I've got shit to do." (Um okay this is news to me seeing as she has this week off.) Edmonton is 3 hours from Calgary, it was unrealistic to think we would drive 3 hours there stay 2 hours and turn around and come home.
I went upstairs to get some needed items for the trip and Eric joined me, he said that MIL had told him she felt like we were dumping Aaron on her and nobody consulted her and we assumed she would watch him. Yes, we did assume she would watch hi,, no we didn't ask her. I realise our faux pas now, BUT in our defense EVERY SINGLE TIME we see them or they visit us and especially short visits with us they say how much they miss him, how they wish that lived closer so they could see him more. So naturally we assumed it wouldn't be problem. They did watch Aaron last summer for 4 nights when we went to Vegas. After we returned, FIL said anytime we wanted them to watch him we they would and he was a good boy and no problem at all. MIL said that Aaron reminded her of Eric when he was that age and she loved watching him, so we honestly didn't think it would be a problem.
As I was coming downstairs I passed her and she said "Don't be upset, Siera." as I was already choking back tears, I lost it on her. Years of pent up anger, accusations, examples how she was rude to me, all came out. It went on from anywhere from 30-60 min. Every example I gave her, she had a rebuttal or a comeback, NOT ONCE did the damn woman apologize at all. She proceeded to tell me I am a bad mother, a princess, that I use Eric as my whipping boy and that I treat my dad with no respect. The first 3 she has no recourse whatsoever. The way I speak to my father is the only valid point she had. ( I have a difficult relationship with my dad, he acts like a child and I am not the only person who feels this way and it's not relevant to this post) Yes, I apoligized for assumimng she would watch him and much more than I needed too. I am not that stuburn.
My MIL is the most headstrong person I know. I swear to god she hates me. Eric thinks it is just the way I perceive things, but there is more to it than that. At one point she even asked him what she thought of all of it. He said she has come on a little strong to me. I was hysterical at this point and had to get out of that house.
I'll give 2 examples of the past where she has spoken to me with such disdain that your head would spin. Both our from our visit in August of 2008 when Aaron was 4 months old.
When we got to their house from the airport as soon as I got in I started to help her unload the dishwasher I asked her where the glasses went. She replied in a spiteful tone "The same place they were the last time you were hear."
Who talks to someone like that?!
The same I wanted to boil water for Aaron's bottle and I asked where the kettle was as their was crap all over the counter she replied in a room full of family "Open your eyes dear." Again how rude can you be?
Every since I was little, all I ever wanted was to be a part of a family. I had a less than ideal childhood being raised by a single father and seeing my mom every second weekend. All I wanted was normal family to spend quality time with.
In last day, my emotions have spiraled from sorrow to complete udder rage I was gripping the steering wheel so tight that that my knuckles were white. If my MIL had been anywhere near me I would've launched myself on her.
Eric and I have been through highs and lows and had the same arguments. He blames me for coming on the trip as he wanted to take Aaron on his own, and leave me behind. He says he can't be with someone who can't he can't take home. I said I won't go back to his parents house in the unless his mom apologizes.
I have a lot of feelings to work through in the next few days, and will be using this as an outlet. I'll be staying at my dad's for a few days on my own in Vancouver.
I am sitting At my sisters in Kamloops. Aaron and Eric are here too. We should all be in Calgary. We had to cut our trip short by 3 days. The MIL and I got into yesterday and I couldn't stay there any longer. I've been analyzing every little detail of our argument and trying to decipher her. This woman baffles me and I don't know if I will see her again at this point.
I am going to shoot for the short coherent version of the events that took place.
Yesterday, Eric and were all set to go to Edmonton. The plan was to leave Aaron with MIL and FIL and take a day trip up there. As we were getting ready to go she said "Be back by dinner." I pondered this and said "Seriously?" And she said "yes, seriously I've got shit to do." (Um okay this is news to me seeing as she has this week off.) Edmonton is 3 hours from Calgary, it was unrealistic to think we would drive 3 hours there stay 2 hours and turn around and come home.
I went upstairs to get some needed items for the trip and Eric joined me, he said that MIL had told him she felt like we were dumping Aaron on her and nobody consulted her and we assumed she would watch him. Yes, we did assume she would watch hi,, no we didn't ask her. I realise our faux pas now, BUT in our defense EVERY SINGLE TIME we see them or they visit us and especially short visits with us they say how much they miss him, how they wish that lived closer so they could see him more. So naturally we assumed it wouldn't be problem. They did watch Aaron last summer for 4 nights when we went to Vegas. After we returned, FIL said anytime we wanted them to watch him we they would and he was a good boy and no problem at all. MIL said that Aaron reminded her of Eric when he was that age and she loved watching him, so we honestly didn't think it would be a problem.
As I was coming downstairs I passed her and she said "Don't be upset, Siera." as I was already choking back tears, I lost it on her. Years of pent up anger, accusations, examples how she was rude to me, all came out. It went on from anywhere from 30-60 min. Every example I gave her, she had a rebuttal or a comeback, NOT ONCE did the damn woman apologize at all. She proceeded to tell me I am a bad mother, a princess, that I use Eric as my whipping boy and that I treat my dad with no respect. The first 3 she has no recourse whatsoever. The way I speak to my father is the only valid point she had. ( I have a difficult relationship with my dad, he acts like a child and I am not the only person who feels this way and it's not relevant to this post) Yes, I apoligized for assumimng she would watch him and much more than I needed too. I am not that stuburn.
My MIL is the most headstrong person I know. I swear to god she hates me. Eric thinks it is just the way I perceive things, but there is more to it than that. At one point she even asked him what she thought of all of it. He said she has come on a little strong to me. I was hysterical at this point and had to get out of that house.
I'll give 2 examples of the past where she has spoken to me with such disdain that your head would spin. Both our from our visit in August of 2008 when Aaron was 4 months old.
When we got to their house from the airport as soon as I got in I started to help her unload the dishwasher I asked her where the glasses went. She replied in a spiteful tone "The same place they were the last time you were hear."
Who talks to someone like that?!
The same I wanted to boil water for Aaron's bottle and I asked where the kettle was as their was crap all over the counter she replied in a room full of family "Open your eyes dear." Again how rude can you be?
Every since I was little, all I ever wanted was to be a part of a family. I had a less than ideal childhood being raised by a single father and seeing my mom every second weekend. All I wanted was normal family to spend quality time with.
In last day, my emotions have spiraled from sorrow to complete udder rage I was gripping the steering wheel so tight that that my knuckles were white. If my MIL had been anywhere near me I would've launched myself on her.
Eric and I have been through highs and lows and had the same arguments. He blames me for coming on the trip as he wanted to take Aaron on his own, and leave me behind. He says he can't be with someone who can't he can't take home. I said I won't go back to his parents house in the unless his mom apologizes.
I have a lot of feelings to work through in the next few days, and will be using this as an outlet. I'll be staying at my dad's for a few days on my own in Vancouver.
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