Random

I‘ve started my quest for that dress. The dress that I will face my fears and past in. In 2 weeks time I will be mingling at my high school reunion and I need to feel good in my own skin. A preliminary shopping trip turned up nada. Maybe I should’ve started the quest for the little black dress a little sooner. I do have one sexy little black number but it rides up too much to be considered appropriate for a reunion.

I’ve taken a bit of a back burner the last few days. I’ve had a friend staying with me and I got knocked out for a few days with a sinus/head cold and lack of sleep. Aaron’s damn molars are nearly through! Only 2 more left and teething is over.

To commemorate the first day of October we decided to go to the beach . We’ve had some very beautiful weather the last few days and today. We had a great time and Aaron went wading. It was great day.

I can’t believe how much he’s learned language wise. He’s developed a sense of empathy. He string 2 words together a lot. In the last week, he’s used “It’s okay” in the right context on two separate occasions. The first time we were picking the cat up from a friend’s who had been cat sitting for and she was crying in her carrier. He said “it’s okay” trying to soothe her. Another time we were somewhere with little babies around (playgroup perhaps?) and there was a baby crying in it’s car seat and he said “It’s okay” to the baby. It almost brings tears to my eyes how much my little man is growing. He is 2.5 years old today. I can’t believe where the time has gone!

Tired

I am tired... I am not sleeping good. After Aarom goes to bed, I stay up and dick around online for a few hours and next thing I know it's late and I can't fall asleep. I am also fighting a bit of a cold. So I haven't been around much. I'll write something of substance soon. I hope.

So I Got Probed... Again

I had my AFC this morning. The clinic here is swanky to say the least, but I still do not care for them in the slightest. There is no warm fuzzy feeling radiating from this place. In fact I get the exact opposite of warm and fuzzy. It's cold, sterile and the staff aren't friendly at all. The first time I met the RE I was naked from the waste down with a paper sheet covering my lady bits. When I met the RE at the clinic back home, I met in his office and he introduced me to the IVF nurse that sat in with us. At this clinic, there was a female staff member in the room with us who I was not introduced to. I know for a fact she wasn't a nurse as I asked her when she let me into the room. She just happen to wear scrubs.

Hell they didn't even offer me socks!

I have no plans to relay this to Liz, she is comfortable and it's her baby I am trying to help make. I got my AFC results I have 4 follicles on my right ovary and 2 on my left. While this isn't great RE said that I'll just need a higher dose of the drugs. Liz thinks I will have a higher count when I get another AFC done once I get a cycle on my own.

There is nothing like getting one of those exams done while your 30 lbs toddler sits on your chest because he is scared. I had Aaron with me as my appointment was on such short notice. He was good and didn't break anything swanky or touch the ultrasound machine. Phew.

Now I get to do bloodwork and wait.

Wordless Wednesday

I Just Want to Make a Baby

I am still proceeding with being an egg donor. Things are moving errr rather slowly. I really don't like the clinic that Mike and Liz are using. Their too fucking picky. I guess I was spoiled getting to know the clinic here with my brief dealings with them. I like the way they conduct themselves, their professionalism and the RE rocks in his bedside matter. People come from all over the province and out of province and even country to go there.

My beef is that we can't proceed with a cycle until Eric gets back because he needs to get blood work done as he is my partner. For real? I asked the donor nurse what the difference would be if he were my boyfriend with whom I was monogamous with versus my common-law husband. They will not budge. My IP's floated the idea of using the clinic here. I really wish they had.

The fact that it's taking so long, is wigging Liz out (I get it I really do) and she thinks I may back out. I have no intentions in doing such. Liz and I email each other to keep one another up to date with our dealings with the donor coordinator nurse so we keep the communication going well. She wasn't even aware that Eric had to be tested until I told her. The fact that he is deployed serving his country matters not to them. Good thing it's not a 6 monther. Fuck.

Another thing that is pissing me off, is that I need to get an Antral Follicle Count (AFC) which is an ultrasound of my ovaries to check my follicle count (each follicle makes and egg) to see if I will produce and good number. This was mine and Liz's idea as I don't want to go through with cycle and turn out to be a bum donor. If I have a shitty reserve there is no point in me going through a cycle and Mike and Liz wasting their money on the drugs.

What is pissing me off is when I should get it done. I went off the pill so they could get an accurate AFC. I went off the pill a week ago. The donor nurse wouldn't answer my question if it's better to wait until I get a period on my own then do that count or if it makes a difference if I get one now. I happen to be going to Vancouver this weekend. She booked me for an AFC as I will be there and they want to accommodate me. They don't need to accommodate me if Eric won't be back for a month and we can't proceed until then. I told her this. Apparently days 2-4 on a cycle is the best time to do an AFC. I want to get the best possible look at my ovaries and I don't want to incur Liz and Mike any additional costs. IVF aint cheap.

This is most frustrating. I just want to make a baby.

Eyesore

I was downtown the other day and I saw this, and I just had to take a pic. Is this what are world is coming to? If Aaron could talk and ask "What is that yellow box for mommy?" What I am suppose to say? "It's for diabetics sweetie." Then again, I guess it is better than the alternative.

Stalling

I should be writing a cover letter right now. It’s for a job that I would love to have but is so far out of my reach I don’t know what the point in applying is. I lack the education needed but I have the combined experience. This reminiscent of high school when I would leave to essay writing the last minute. High school being the theme of the day. Blogging is a great distraction from actually getting work done.

I am going to have reach deep inside of myself to get a good cover letter. Sometimes I can pull them outta my ass in half an hour. I really don’t think such is the case here. I have many cover letters but none geared to this type of job.

I’ve been thinking lately about observations I have of people and thoughts I have in passing that have come true. I don’t know how to write this without sounding like a complete nut job, but I have some sixth sense at times where I think of something and it will happen. By no means can I predict the future or do I think I am psychic which I don’t believe in. I just have a feeling something will happen and then something or that event does. Before 9/11 I remember thinking to myself “It’s been awhile since a world wide event took place that rocked the news has happened.” Awhile later we all know what happened.

I’ve had 2 such thoughts in the last 6 months on a lesser scale one positive one not positive about people I interact with IRL and online and things have happened which I had a passing thought about. I guess premonition would be the right word. It’s weird. It doesn’t scare me, it is just is weird. That’s all I can say. Maybe god is trying to tell me something about some people. If such is the case, I don’t want to go up to someone and say X is going to happen to you. Because that person would think I am a nut job.