Wednesday, March 2, 2011


I have been going through a lot of denial these past few days and weeks. Aaron's ASD diagnosis is just part of who he is and I've maintained that I won't let it change him or define us as a family. It's just another fact of our lives. This came crashing down around me after meeting with a local chapter here I wonder what life will hold for Aaron.

It was my hope that by the time he is school age an entering kindergarten that he will not need in class support and only need supplemental support outside of school. I am beginning to wonder if that will ever be the case. My biggest fear for him is that he will be teased mercilessly by his peers and bullied and come home to me in tears. I was teased as child and bullied. So was my dad. We're pretty sure my dad is on the spectrum. He's being referred to someone who can diagnos him. If he does have ASD, it would explain why my dad is so socially awkward. I think I was bullied due to the fact that my mom never took the time to socialize me and sat on her ass and watched TV or read her books in my early years.

That's one thing that Aaron doesn't lack,. I've always taken him to playgroups and had play dates and he has 2 friends that we see often and he asks for. But I wonder if it is enough?

One thing I got from the other parent was that families with children with ASD seem to gravitate towards each other and spend a lot of time together. I am all for being around people like us BUT don't want to let Aaron's Autism shape and change every dynamic of our life. I hope he can still integrate with his peers and that he can be a normal child.

I am also a little disappointed with how slowly our service provider is at doling out intervention. I'd like to see some things starting soon so that he can benefit from it. So far we've had a 2 hour assessment and that's it.

Denial is really a big part of me. Aaron will be 3 in less than a month! How the hell did that happen? All I can think about right now is that last little bit of my pregnancy. It was a happy time for the most part. Tim Horton's has Rrrrrrolll up the Rim going on right now which always reminds me of my last month of pregnancy as I got a Tim Horton's coffee dang near every day. It was my vice, and I had 2 right around the corner from me. It's those little things I miss.

I don't think I will ever have a second child. I do not know this, but am pretty sure that will be the case. It's something I've wavered back and forth with and with Aaron having ASD, it's not a chance that I think I am willing to take. I believe there is as 1 in 4 chance any future children I have would have it but  don't quote me on that. And with ASD, who knows where on the spectrum that child might fall and what quality of life said child may have. There's no doubt in my mind that Aaron inherited Autism from my side of the family, something I don't want to impart on any future children.


S.I.F. said...

I think denial makes perfect sense right now lady, but I also firmly believe that you are going to find your way... Thinking about you friend.

Ginger said... much to say and where to start...

My goal for both of my children is to be in a regular ed class. They may or may not need support by the time they enter school. And I am not even sure they will end up in a public school at this point. But there are various reasons for that.

I think denial is just part of the process. I feel like I went through denial for a LONG time. I have always known that something was off with my "A". But I didn't want there to be. By the time we arrived at testing and diagnosis I had moved on from the denial part of it all. I think it will pass but it is something you have to go through.

Everyone we consult with feels that "A" has an amazing future and outlook. They all point out that early diagnosis and intervention is the key. You fall into that category. Your sweet boy has a diagnosis and is now beginning therapy and he is still so young...just like my "A".

I think that we all have to find our way with this parenting thing...whether we have children with special needs and challenges or we don't.

SciFi Dad said...

I'm not trying to be argumentative, but has it been proven that ASD are genetic and not environmental? I don't know either way, but it was my understanding that science didn't understand.

Your position about wanting Aaron to socialize both within the ASD community and outside it makes perfect sense to me, FWIW.

Siera said...

@SciFi_Dad Cleary you've never met my dad. He has always been known as "quirky" and now we know why. He is seeking out a diagnosis just so he knows for sure, but if you spend 5 min with him and you anything about ASD or have been around ppl with it then you know. His family doctor thinks he has it, but can't as GP's generally do not diagagnis ASD in adults.