Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Another Rant

Eric is getting home today. He has been away for the last 3 weeks on course. It's just been Aaron and I on our own. I have to admit that I don't mind it. I've been looking forward to Eric's homecoming for days now and was really excited. Key word here WAS. I am not so thrilled anymore.

He can say or do one little thing and it turns me right off. I am on Facebook, I have been for 2 years. I have over 200 friends, I try to keep things light and impersonal and I am not one to air my dirty laundry on my status. My status as of last night was to the effect of "Excited about Eric’s homecoming..." On the new FB your friend's can leave comments. Eric left the comment "make sure all the men are outta the house b4 I get home." This pisses me off. (My profile lists me as engaged to Eric) I have my FB set up so I get a text message whenever someone leaves me a msg, comments on my status etc. I get this text at 2am when Aaron woke me up to nurse. I was less than thrilled. I've told Eric before that I find inappropriate comments from him annoying, it hurts me and I think it shows a lack of disrespect for me, even though he is joking.

He has an odd sense of humour and I've always loved that about him; but not as of late. He can joke around however he wants with his friends, buddies or co-workers. He is in the navy, I get this. I am not a prude. I happen to think it's inappropriate to interact with me. He knows this. I sent him a text message to let him know this. His response? "Meh." I'd call him but he was 4 time zones away and is flying across the country today. Here I am making sure the house is clean and I've been working on a surprise for him for the last week. I am not going to reveal it here as I am not sure if he reads this or not.

He will be home in a bout 4 hours. Aaron and I have an appointment when his flight arrives so we can't pick him up. (It's a specialist it took me months to get in.) I intended to shave, do my hair and make up and have the laundry done. Why should I? This is what's going on in my head right now. The more I think about it the angrier I get. His home coming will go one of two ways 1) Like nothing happened and I will say nothing and suppress my anger over this; or 2) i will bring it up, he will have one word answers to the effect of "I was only joking, it's not a big deal" because he knows he is in the wrong and it will blow up into a fight. I am not into picking a fight or sitting around with my anger suppressed.

Presently, I am tired and annoyed. I am not looking forward to him coming home at all. I've had friends ask me about the comments he makes on my Facebook and it really got me to thinking. He knows this bothers me. When he is around he will make little comments jokingly like "your fat", "your ugly" "If you'd lose some weight" I am not fat, i feel good in my skin most of the time I have a pretty good self image of myself, I am 10 lbs under my pregnancy weight I just want to be super fit to point where I have a washboard stomach which I know I can do, if I work at it; which I need the motivation for. I know he is joking, I know he finds me attractive. But I don’t' get this sense of humor he has with me? I don't like it. I think it is an inappropriate way to act towards the mother of your child, wife, girlfriend, fiancĂ© etc. I think it shows a bad example for Aaron and will confuse him on how he is to treat women.

I don’t;' know how to convey this without being a tyrant. As with most ment you have to repeat yourself then turn into a nag to get things done. I am fed up. I don't know how to approach this. If he apologizes without me prompting him I'll feel so much better. When he sees me this afternoon the first thing he will want to do is see Aaron. Second; rip my clothes off. This is the farthest thing from my mind, yet until to in the morning it was all I could think about. I am going to try to be in a good mood but all I want to do is cry. I'll still do the laundry and shave my legs. But that's all I can commit too.

I had written another paragraph until Aaron turned off the PC while I was editing my post in Word. It’s time to go play with my son and get the chores done.

PS- Aaron and I were off in Vancouver visiting my dad and took a side trip up to the Okanagan to see family and friends. Everything is good. Just tired and settling back in.

No comments: