A Little of This and a Little of That

Yeah so about that blogging… it aint a happening much. Something had to go when I became the only parent with a full time job in the process. So blogging. Sadly isn’t up there at this time. Eric has been gone a month.
Only 6 months of this deployment left!


Ha! Six months? Will I survive – Yes. Mentally in tact? That remains to be seen. Aaron has had his ups and downs. It breaks my heart when he asks for Eric and I can’t do anything about it. The other day I put him on the phone with my dad and he started to cry “Find Daddy” over and over. I broke my heart.


I am still trying to decide if Eric should come home for 10 days or we should meet him in Europe somewhere? I really don’t know. On the one hand, I’ve never been to Europe on the other I have to fly there with a toddler. One mom told me that her husband isn’t coming home as it just disrupts the kids’ routine and then he leaves and it is another transition. I think that it would be good for Aaron to see Eric and if it were in Europe, no routine would be disrupted.
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So I have been having pangs. Pangs for second child. Not good. I flip flop ALL the time about a second. On one hand I miss the whole baby stage and the breastfeeding and I want Aaron to have a friend for life. On the other I really bad post partum depression and didn’t handle motherhood well and I don’t deal with stress well and I don’t want to take the chance of having another child on the spectrum.


Eric is undecided too. Obviously, nothing will happen on this deployment. But the want is still there. However, that isn’t enough of reason to have one as far as I am concerned. I was told by fertility doctor that if I wanted a second child sooner was better than later. This was found out when I was going to be an egg donor. As I had low FSH and low AFC counts it was decided to not proceed with a cycle.
I’ve also had thoughts of being a surrogate, but haven’t put myself out there as that would be a really big commitment. So I am rambling.


I am off tomorrow for a week! Woot! You know what this means. VANCOUVER. I have to go into work tomorrow to apply for a job posted internally as it will have closed when I return. Then I am Vancouver bound. The highlight of my week will be going to see Trace Adkins on Tuesday. I can’t WAIT! It’s going to be good night. Time to clean up a bit and flip loads.

early

I don't think this post will find it's way to you this morning. Mt lap top is running at 6%. I knew I'd be an hour early for work so I grabbed my lap top to sit in Starbuck's and catch up before going to work.

To say that I've been busy and emotionally overwhelmed, would be an undersatement. While I am getting used to the idea of Eric's impending departure, the idea is so surreal as to how soon it wil actucally happen. Aaron is my main concern. He has gotten super used to Eric and some days even prefers him to me. I don't how this deployment will effect him.

One thing I am not sure about is if I should take him down when Eric's ship set sail or not. I want to see it and want to support it, but it may be traumatizing to see a big warship whisk his daddy away. My first instinct when Eric leaves is to go running back to Vancouver and stay at my father's where I have an opened ended invitation (unless he has oiusequests, which he tells me before weeks in advance) and and suround my self with my Vancouver friends and immersee myself  in family, social and kids activities. There usually is never dull moment over there. Unike here. I have friends here, but the roots just aren't the same as home.

Most people in the military lifestyle make friends at their postings. I have made a few but they always move or were the gossip queens that like to cause drama and those friendships only last a season when a person's true colours come out and those are the type of women I prefer to not be friend's with or get sucked up in their drama.

I think living not too far from home I've been able to maintian friendships that normally would've fizzled. This has helped me and hurt me. If I we were at a base n the otherside of the country, Id be force to make new friends an dplan roots.

T'hings are different as I have a fulltime decent job. This means that as I am working so much, there is no time to spend money due to being tied down to work that we shoul be abe to save money for a down payment rightt? .... Ack we shall see.

I want to buy some camping gear and whisk Aaron away on the weekends getting to know this beautiful Island we live in on. If I can get my shit together and my house organized and meals planned, I should be able to go away on the weekend and come back and have stories to tell and memories to build in Arron's brain.

We shall see how this goes.  As only time will tell.