Sunday, August 14, 2011

A Little of This and a Little of That

Yeah so about that blogging… it aint a happening much. Something had to go when I became the only parent with a full time job in the process. So blogging. Sadly isn’t up there at this time. Eric has been gone a month.
Only 6 months of this deployment left!

Ha! Six months? Will I survive – Yes. Mentally in tact? That remains to be seen. Aaron has had his ups and downs. It breaks my heart when he asks for Eric and I can’t do anything about it. The other day I put him on the phone with my dad and he started to cry “Find Daddy” over and over. I broke my heart.

I am still trying to decide if Eric should come home for 10 days or we should meet him in Europe somewhere? I really don’t know. On the one hand, I’ve never been to Europe on the other I have to fly there with a toddler. One mom told me that her husband isn’t coming home as it just disrupts the kids’ routine and then he leaves and it is another transition. I think that it would be good for Aaron to see Eric and if it were in Europe, no routine would be disrupted.

So I have been having pangs. Pangs for second child. Not good. I flip flop ALL the time about a second. On one hand I miss the whole baby stage and the breastfeeding and I want Aaron to have a friend for life. On the other I really bad post partum depression and didn’t handle motherhood well and I don’t deal with stress well and I don’t want to take the chance of having another child on the spectrum.

Eric is undecided too. Obviously, nothing will happen on this deployment. But the want is still there. However, that isn’t enough of reason to have one as far as I am concerned. I was told by fertility doctor that if I wanted a second child sooner was better than later. This was found out when I was going to be an egg donor. As I had low FSH and low AFC counts it was decided to not proceed with a cycle.
I’ve also had thoughts of being a surrogate, but haven’t put myself out there as that would be a really big commitment. So I am rambling.

I am off tomorrow for a week! Woot! You know what this means. VANCOUVER. I have to go into work tomorrow to apply for a job posted internally as it will have closed when I return. Then I am Vancouver bound. The highlight of my week will be going to see Trace Adkins on Tuesday. I can’t WAIT! It’s going to be good night. Time to clean up a bit and flip loads.


S.I.F. said...

Hope you enjoy your week off lady! You deserve it!

Anonymous said...

You are a strong lady! The way I look at life....This time will pass matter what I do. So, I'll make the best of this time and Christmas will come anyway. It always works. Merry Christams , good lady.