Saturday, November 12, 2011


I have a lot of crap going thru my mind at the moment. I don't know where to begin or what to say. I feel like the world's biggest bitch for breaking up with Eric. Let's not forget I broke up with him while he was deployed in a war zone. Apparently, I was his rock keeping him sane with at sea. So yeah bitch right here.

I don't want to go off on a rant how he is an asshole or a dead beat. He isn't either. He has asshole tendencies as do most people just as I have bitch tendencies. When he came yesterday I literally recoiled from him and didn't want him near me. As mid email to him about how i felt suffocated by him from keeping up normal appearances on Facebook.

I have his family on my facebook and he hasn't told them yet. I've told my friends and he has told a few of his friends but so far mums the word to his family. I guess he needed me to say what I needed to say in person before he accepted it.

It's weird having him home. Living in the same place. We are sleeping in separate rooms. But I want to be staying in separate places. He's offered to stay in barracks, but I can't have him not in his own home for my breaking up with him. My 2 friends that I can stay with or either super sick or have just had their man come back from a deployment. I don't want to intrude.

So at the moment were still parenting and eating meals together. Which I wanted to avoid as it's a semblance or normalcy without physical contact.

I don't have a job at the moment. Woot. Woot. I am starting single momdom off on a good note. Eric has leave so the plan is to take whatever job I get and save some $. He wants me to start off right on my feet. So there is a non asshole trait.

I am on the ferry at the moment. I am going over to see my girls for the night to try to out some perspective and what to do. I hope chili and movies helps on this miserable night of wind and rain.


Anonymous said...

Is it hard being near him with no physical contact? Or is it fairly easy to keep it platonic?

S.I.F. said...

Hoping things have been going as well as possible over the last few weeks lady, and that you've been able to find yourself a job and are starting to get up on your own two feet!

This Daddy said...

I am just now seeing this. Wow, so hard to go through that. Tough times make you stronger. Sorry for the hard times.