I have a lot of crap going thru my mind at the moment. I don't know where to begin or what to say. I feel like the world's biggest bitch for breaking up with Eric. Let's not forget I broke up with him while he was deployed in a war zone. Apparently, I was his rock keeping him sane with at sea. So yeah bitch right here.
I don't want to go off on a rant how he is an asshole or a dead beat. He isn't either. He has asshole tendencies as do most people just as I have bitch tendencies. When he came yesterday I literally recoiled from him and didn't want him near me. As mid email to him about how i felt suffocated by him from keeping up normal appearances on Facebook.
I have his family on my facebook and he hasn't told them yet. I've told my friends and he has told a few of his friends but so far mums the word to his family. I guess he needed me to say what I needed to say in person before he accepted it.
It's weird having him home. Living in the same place. We are sleeping in separate rooms. But I want to be staying in separate places. He's offered to stay in barracks, but I can't have him not in his own home for my breaking up with him. My 2 friends that I can stay with or either super sick or have just had their man come back from a deployment. I don't want to intrude.
So at the moment were still parenting and eating meals together. Which I wanted to avoid as it's a semblance or normalcy without physical contact.
I don't have a job at the moment. Woot. Woot. I am starting single momdom off on a good note. Eric has leave so the plan is to take whatever job I get and save some $. He wants me to start off right on my feet. So there is a non asshole trait.
I am on the ferry at the moment. I am going over to see my girls for the night to try to out some perspective and what to do. I hope chili and movies helps on this miserable night of wind and rain.