Friday, December 10, 2010

Why I Shouldn't Drink Coffee After 8pm

Or a double Americano. When in Rome. I went to a concert/story telling tonight. I went and saw these two women. I was invited and tagged along. It's not in my normal realm of things to do but I am into doing new things and seeing a lesbian duo is well within my comfort zone. So I drank coffee, because there was no wine. I like my coffee, but not late at night. I hope I will be able to sleep tonight.

I really took in what they had to say. The friends that I went with told me that they have seen them play to the straight crowd and hadn't seen them cater to the gay/lesbian angle before. But I get it, it is who they are. I was expecting to laugh more than I did, but being straight some of the humour may have been over my head. I really enjoyed the music and hope to see Kate Reid and Ivan Coyote perform again. Lucky me, they both live in Vancouver so I don't think it will be hard to see.

The one thing I took away from their performance is how important it is that I teach Aaron to be accepting of people for who they are while he is growing up. I may not get how it is the be gay and in the closet or how scary is must be to hide who you are but I get how it is to hide who I am.

What I mean by that was I wasn't accepted much by my peer groups growing up and often felt like an outcast. At times I still do. I don't feel like I for in anywhere at many times. I don't fit in the military wife community, or the 20-something military girlfriend crowd.  I don't fit in with the SAHM mom crowd, or the blogging crowd. The people Eric and I hang out with paths do not cross. We don't have couple friends with kids the same age and our friends are entirely different. I have been going through my life most of the time feeling as though I don't belong and I don't want that for Aaron.

I want him to just be a regular kid who isn't picked on like his mother was. I don't want him to be popular or in with any crowd. I don't know how to do this. I try to get him together as often as I can with his "friends" I have a couple of mommy friends and our boys are the same age but half the time play dates don't work out do to scheduling. I really don't know where the hell I am going with this post...

One thing I know I miss happier times. I feel Vancouver calling me all the time and it's a curse and blessing. Victoria still doesn't feel like home to me. Maybe that's my fault. I can go to Vancouver and pick up where I left off with old friends which is a blessing, but it's also a curse because when I am there I miss out on the happenings here. I wish I could be happy in the here and the now, not always wishing I was somewhere else. When I am there, I wish I was here and feel guilty partaking in events with my friends when I leave Aaron for a night. And when I am here, I wish I was there partaking in events with my friends. It's not a fun feeling.

Tara broke up with TM this week and I wish I was out with her while she out at getting to know a hottie co-worker who seems into her. But being at home with the family is more important. This is just verbal diarrhea.

So some updates are in order.

I haven't heard from Liz since I told her my test results. She is crushed to say the least I know while she moves onto her next step in having a baby. I really want to find her a donor, but I'd be jumping the gun on that one.

And here is some really good news. I have a job interview in the coming weeks with the provincial government! Whoa Boy! I am excited. It will be the most involved interview that I have ever had. They gave me the questions so that I could prepare. I won't say what capacity it is in. Being the capital, there are a lot of gov't jobs. So I don't think I'll be blowing the whistle on myself should I get it which is a LONG shot. But a shot none the less.

1 comment:

S.I.F. said...

I can't drink coffee that late either. No way no how.

I'm sorry you're still feeling out of place too friend. Hopefully home will start feeling more like home to you soon...