Saturday, November 27, 2010

Stuff I Should've Blogged About But Didn't

I have many of these moments. Right now one of my BFF's Tara, is having relationship woes. She has been with "the man" (a term I use loosely because he is anything but) for about 8 months.

Tara and I go back to grade 9. We have each others back, we confide in one another, we were roommates, and I am fiercely protective of her. She is an independent woman who has never needed a man in her life to make her happy nor to feel complete.

She was doing the 20-something-single life just fine but dabbled in online dating at my urging as she was looking for a long term boyfriend and to maybe start to process of settling but didn't have her heart set on being married by a certain age.

You can see where this is going. She met the man (TM) on said dating site. Shortly, after they started dating she introduced me. At first meet, I liked TM and was immensely happy for Tara. We had gone out to eat and had great conversation and I could see what she liked about him intellectually and  I thought she had finally found a good guy after doing the dating thing.

It didn't take me long to change my tune. Being a BFF of Tara's it's natural that she confided in me and tells me her problems. It wasn't long before she started complaining about X, Y and Z that TM had did. As a good friend I said "why don't you break things off?"

Her answer?

"I love him."

I should probably back up here and say I  had never seen her so smitten or in love a guy. It what most people experience being in a new relationship and nothing unlike I had experienced in new relationships it reminded me of me. I was happy for her.

Until the constant complaining came of "TM did this, and TM did that."

I actually had thought to blog about it or put a post up in the community, but never got a chance to.

It seems TM has a certain set of rules for himself and and another for Tara. When they first started dating, he wanted her to "decrease she chances" of meeting other men yet they still weren't exclusive and he didn't want to have a "label" put on their relationship and kept his profile up on said dating site.

She was in the frame of mind that she should keep her options open if he wasn't willing to commit. I fully agree with that. Tara's idea of meeting new people is going out for coffee not whoring herself about.

I spent a lot of time with Tara through out the summer and we chat often. I see her almost every time I go to Vancouver. I value her friendship, respect her opinion, respect her as person and a woman. She is one of the strongest people I know, she works hard, is career driven and ambitious and I have never in my life seen reduced to tears over a guy.

The shit her puts her through angers me so. For the first few months, I listened to every thing she had to say about him and gave her advice I thought was useful and was being a good friend lending an ear.

But there comes a point when you here the same stuff where it becomes redundant and you don't want to hear it. I've hit that point a few times with her.

Our conversations usually are along the lines how are things? "Oh things with TM are the same we'll have a few  good days, then he'll say or do something upsetting."

I asked her in the summer what she would do if her relationship with TM started to effect her work. She said she would take time off work. (She's a teacher.) Being the summer, it didn't matter. I don't know how much sleep she lost over him in the last 8 months.

Now it's starting to effect her work. She has report cards (She was subbing before) due and his being asshole is starting to effect her. She is stressed out with report cards and parent teacher meetings and TM is less than sympathetic as to why she can't devote more time to him.

He works retail. I am not judging anyone who works retail, but it's a job that stays at work and your work doesn't go home with you. Such isn't the case for teachers. I am not educated to her level but I get it. Certain times of the year will be crunch time.

Tara and I were talking earlier today and she was bemoaning her usual list of grievances with T M, getting me up to speed with where she`s at as we usually talk weekly.

Today's bullshit is TM doesn`t understand why they have to plan their time together when it`s convenient for her and if she isn`t satisfied sexually than she can find satisfaction elsewhere???

Tara doesn`t understand where he comes up with this crap as that`s one thing she is satisfied with. I`ve chalked it up to him being insecure with himself and he will project stuff as an issue that never was.

Gah, I am blogging about a friend`s relationship issues. I am sure I`ve lost you all. I should`ve blogged about this in smaller doses so you could follow me and that you all would`have background info.

If I still have you, I am impressed.

I am puzzled over my smart friend`s crappy relationship choice and why continues to date him. She is over the honeymoon stage and see`s him for what he is. A drama, making issues out of nothing, insecure man. Now why is she with him?

I should do a background post on him and some of his little quirks to give you better background info.

I hope my friend comes to her senses in the mean time.


SciFi Dad said...

Smart people make stupid decisions all the time. My SIL is with the same guy she's been with for years, who STILL hasn't proposed, and all she does ia smile and wait, even though she DESPERATELY wants children and a marriage. Sometimes, all you can do is stand by and shake your head.

S.I.F. said...

It's so hard to watch a good friend in a crap relationship. :( I've totally been there and done that...