Did You Know

* That quinoa has 160 calaries per 1/4 of a cup?! I got me some and whipped it up and started to eat it and then read the box. I thought it was suppose to be some kind of super food? That means if I had one cup of quinoa for breakfast that I have had 640 calories! I don't count calories or anything like that but jeez that seems like a lot of food in one sitting considering I think an average person should be eating somewhere from 1500-2000 calories a day.

* That I hate typing on lap tops but here I am writing a post from one.

* I have not time for such things as blogging being a full time working single mom? I don't know how real single moms do it. I don't hats off to you guys.

* It has been 8 weeks since Eric left.

* In 25 days time I will be a stay at home mom again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My contract at work wasn't renewed do to budget cuts. I am okay with this as this allows me to be at home with Aaron. I gave notice to his daycare and I will be putting him in pre school some in October or November.

*Come Oct 1 we're in that car on our way to the Mainland and beyond. We will be going on a road trip to Calgary for sure we may even go as far as Winnipeg. My BFF and his wife moved there and I want to see them and the city. I've family there I've never met. It's where my paternal grandparents met and I want to see the city and where they grew up

* I'll be getting a new tattoo soon, but I won't be able to post it in the blog as it is Aaron's name (real name) I will be getting it on my the lower left side of my stomach. I still can't venture to somewhere that isn't easily hidden for professional reasons. It's my view of myself. I don't care if others put tattoos in placed not easily covered up.

* I regret not buying a long range water gun when I saw them on sale at the beginning of the summer as there is a cat that thinks he owns the neighbourhood and gets into a fight with my cat almost nightly. Chasing him with a broom hasn't gotten the message across that he just isn't welcome in our yard.

* Some days I feel I don't have a handle on parenting an autistic child when something so little as cracking an egg into a bowel while baking Aaron would set him off for 2 days. Yesterday I did so, and he screamed "no put egg in" and promptly burst into tears. Today he is still saying "no put egg in""at random. I guess I didn't prepare him for it.

* We skipped a fair we were going to go today as I just wasn't up to him freaking out over the littlest things. I have a throbbing sinus infection and the pressure is so bad that feeling like I want to throw up all the time isn\t a good combo with Aaron having meltdowns. I was feeling at the end of my rope so I asked a friend to watch him for a couple of hours. It did us both good and allowed me to go shopping.

* I bought some boots I shouldn't have but, I love love love them and have been looking for a pair like this since last year.

I also bought Aaron 6 long sleeve t-shirts, 2 hoodies and 4 pairs of socks at Old Navy. I did some retail therapy today.

The stripped shirt is pour moi.

* If I could divorce my sinuses, I would.

I Don’t Recognize Myself

Something in me has changed over the last day or so and I don’t know what to account for that change. Eric is away right for the next 2 weeks so it is just Aaron and I. Something is different about me.

I am calmer with Aaron and OMG I actually WANT to clean. If you know me, I lack a lot of patience when it comes to parenting. I also loathe cleaning with a passion! And if the task can be put off, then by God it will be put off!

I have had a very busy 24 hours as outlined in my two brief posts I wrote yesterday. I was able t among all the stuff I had to do, I actually parented Aaron the way I would want to be parented.

There were a few moments when he was going into full blown toddler meltdown mode and my reaction to the situation would either add fuel to the fire or diffuse it.

I don’t remember exactly what the situation was as we have many situations like these through out our days and I am just too tired to remember.

There was one moment yesterday where I just wanted to nap. I knew he needed one, I needed one and I nap best when it is just Aaron and I. I don’t know why. Maybe it goes back to our baby days when we would co-sleep for our naps but I usually nap best if he is home with me.

I do miss those days and I miss him being at home with me. I am pretty sure that a job is in the near future for me. I am optimistic but don’t want put the cart too far in front of the horse. I have to submit a security clearance and pending that, I am hopeful that an offer will be made.

Which makes me wonder if I have missed out these last 5 months of Aaron being in daycare instead of him being at home, with me. I tear up thinking about it. Developmentally, we felt it was the best thing for him. And his speech progress is making leaps and bounds. Some of the things that come out of his mouth surprise me and I marvel at him.

I am so thankful that his speech his coming. I really don’t know what to attribute my calm demeanor to, but whoever or whatever I am thankful to.

And I actually cleaned, without being told to. I don’t know what it is but my house’s lack of organization and clutter is eating away at me. I may be this subconscious nesting I feel to do in preparation for going back to work. Because I can see how being organized will make life so much easier especially when everything will fall on me. This includes but is not limited too parenting, cleaning, and getting crap down around the house.

Eric had a big deployment coming up but we don’t know the details or dates which is maddening. But thankfully now that the damn election was over with, the government can make some decisions for our Canadian Forces. (In case you didn’t know, Canada had a federal election yesterday. We have a Conservative majority and the NDP as the official opposition. [That is history in itself])

And yes, I voted.

Even more historic, is the fact that I cleaned out my freezer tonight without a fuss or procrastinating.

Yes, you read right. I Siera, cleaned out my freezer tonight.

Actually, it started as me saying to myself that I would organize it, but in while in the middle of the deed, it was apparent that a wipe down was needed. Thankfully, it was just some debris and spilled vegetables and not raw meat juice.

Sometimes I think that the clean fairies are going to come and rescue me, but in reality only I will rescue me.

Well until Eric gets home or my dad comes for a visit.

I Don't Like It Lying Down

Some of you may wonder what I do all day while Aaron is at daycare? You know as I am unemployed and and have nothing else to do but sit on,my butt all day and read blogs and blog. Well one of the things I do to pass time is get inked! And instead of getting something small as per the norm for me. I went big. Bigger than any of my previous tattoos.

Final product.

Eric got me a gift certificate for a tattoo for Christmas. I got a tattoo with it a few weeks ago. I know I wanted a black and grey flower of some sort and was pretty sure I wanted a lily. The artist drew this on me by hand. I am very happy and very pleased with it! The only thing I am not pleased with is this one hurt like a bitch. And I had to get while laying down. I have never gotten a tattoo laying down before. I've always straddled a chair and I prefer that. Laying down, I couldn't read and had nothing to take my mind off of the pain. Last time I barely felt it. This time I felt like a baby. But the pain is beauty, and a beauty this one is!

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On the serious side of things. Since my unemployed ass can't find a job I started school this week. I am upgrading high school courses and want to apply for nursing. I've also thought of another job alternative the most wouldn't think of. I am giving very serious thought to joining either the Army/Navy/Air Force Reserves. I've found a unit and a trade I like and have to get my paper work in. I will not specify which branch of the Canadian Forces I will joining as would be too easy to pin point me. Going this route means I will not deploy, I will work part-time one evening and 2 weekends per month which will allow me to stay home with Aaron (not deploy) contribute to my family's income, get some experience to add to the resume and it's something I can do while going to university should I get accepted into my program.

Now I just need to get my ass in shape as Basic Training will kill me. (Held on weekends.)

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On the autism front, Aaron's assessments are next week. We dont' know what to think or make. Some days we think he is a normal little boy other days some of his behaviors perplex us. Regardless of the outcome it's better to know than not. Aaron continues to develop at daycare and is participating in circle time and games. 2 months ago he never would've done this. I am still glad we decided to put him in. It's one of the best parenting decisions I think we've made for him.

Consistently Inconsitent

- That's the only thing consistent about me. It's true. With blogging, parenting, job searching, driving, keeping house. It's most frustrating and I wish I was better at being consistent.

- I was googling random crap due to boredom and came across a website called. Is It Normal? There is some seriously messed up crap on there if you search it and click on random links.

- On the Aaron front he has started playing with a stuffed animal the other night. He was feeding it a bottle, laying it down, trying to make it stand. This just amazes us as he has never shown any interest in make believe with his animals. He played with it again before bed last night and slept with it and I tucked it in.

- My boobs hurt. I am sure you didn't need to know that BUT for the life of me I couldn't figure out why. The last time they hurt was when I was pregnant and breast feeding. And NO I am not pregnant. I just had my period last week. Then I had an epiphany early this morning while having my one of my middle of the night bathroom trips. (*I have the bladder of an old lady) I just started back on the pill. As any teenage girls knows, the pill makes your boobs bigger. DUH! No wonder my boobs hurt. I have been on the pill pretty much since I was 16 but take a year off when I got pregnant and was pregnant. I went back on it when I was 6 weeks post partum and was on it until I went off it to do all those test for being an egg donor. Needless to say, my body is reacting to being on it.

- Speaking donating, Liz is doing pretty well. We talked on the weekend and she said she might just let it be and not be focused on having a second baby and live her life. We will keep in touch and she will be over here in the new year getting a sonohystogram at the fertility clinic here that the Dr. offered her for free. If anyone reading this lives anywhere near Victoria and wants to see and awesome fertility doctor. I can't recommend Victoria Fertility Center enough. The staff are kindest and most caring people I've ever meet in the medical community and they put their patients first

* A testament at how small my bladder really is. I had to have an ultrasound the other day for bladder issues and I drank the prerequisite 32oz (1 litre) of water required before my procedure and the tech performing it told me I drank too much water for me only need about half that amount next time. I had to pee so bad I was in pain. Lucky me, for once a medical staff was on time. The tech said a vagisound was preferable and if I was comfortable, next time request one. I think it's safe to say that I am.

Why I Shouldn't Drink Coffee After 8pm

Or a double Americano. When in Rome. I went to a concert/story telling tonight. I went and saw these two women. I was invited and tagged along. It's not in my normal realm of things to do but I am into doing new things and seeing a lesbian duo is well within my comfort zone. So I drank coffee, because there was no wine. I like my coffee, but not late at night. I hope I will be able to sleep tonight.

I really took in what they had to say. The friends that I went with told me that they have seen them play to the straight crowd and hadn't seen them cater to the gay/lesbian angle before. But I get it, it is who they are. I was expecting to laugh more than I did, but being straight some of the humour may have been over my head. I really enjoyed the music and hope to see Kate Reid and Ivan Coyote perform again. Lucky me, they both live in Vancouver so I don't think it will be hard to see.

The one thing I took away from their performance is how important it is that I teach Aaron to be accepting of people for who they are while he is growing up. I may not get how it is the be gay and in the closet or how scary is must be to hide who you are but I get how it is to hide who I am.

What I mean by that was I wasn't accepted much by my peer groups growing up and often felt like an outcast. At times I still do. I don't feel like I for in anywhere at many times. I don't fit in the military wife community, or the 20-something military girlfriend crowd.  I don't fit in with the SAHM mom crowd, or the blogging crowd. The people Eric and I hang out with paths do not cross. We don't have couple friends with kids the same age and our friends are entirely different. I have been going through my life most of the time feeling as though I don't belong and I don't want that for Aaron.

I want him to just be a regular kid who isn't picked on like his mother was. I don't want him to be popular or in with any crowd. I don't know how to do this. I try to get him together as often as I can with his "friends" I have a couple of mommy friends and our boys are the same age but half the time play dates don't work out do to scheduling. I really don't know where the hell I am going with this post...

One thing I know I miss happier times. I feel Vancouver calling me all the time and it's a curse and blessing. Victoria still doesn't feel like home to me. Maybe that's my fault. I can go to Vancouver and pick up where I left off with old friends which is a blessing, but it's also a curse because when I am there I miss out on the happenings here. I wish I could be happy in the here and the now, not always wishing I was somewhere else. When I am there, I wish I was here and feel guilty partaking in events with my friends when I leave Aaron for a night. And when I am here, I wish I was there partaking in events with my friends. It's not a fun feeling.

Tara broke up with TM this week and I wish I was out with her while she out at getting to know a hottie co-worker who seems into her. But being at home with the family is more important. This is just verbal diarrhea.

So some updates are in order.

I haven't heard from Liz since I told her my test results. She is crushed to say the least I know while she moves onto her next step in having a baby. I really want to find her a donor, but I'd be jumping the gun on that one.

And here is some really good news. I have a job interview in the coming weeks with the provincial government! Whoa Boy! I am excited. It will be the most involved interview that I have ever had. They gave me the questions so that I could prepare. I won't say what capacity it is in. Being the capital, there are a lot of gov't jobs. So I don't think I'll be blowing the whistle on myself should I get it which is a LONG shot. But a shot none the less.

I may or may not have straddled something.

I had an eventful Saturday night. When you get five girls getting ready and drinking you usually get good times. Good times were had by all. Myself and four of my BFF's headed out for a night on the town to a local gay bar.

This was a first for all of us. I initially suggested it as some of my friends are not comfortable in night clubs. These particular friends’ declared that they liked this particular club and would be going back. We all hate it when we go out for a night of dancing and you get squished on the dance floor and strange men feel it’s okay to start rubbing up on us. So not cool.

I remember when I turned 19 and lived at my favourite bar three nights a week I actually screamed at a guy for trying to dance with me when I gave no indication whatsoever that I was interested in dancing. I wasn't going out to get hammered three times a week, I was 19 and discovered a bar I liked and that I liked to dance. Especially line dancing. My best friend at the time had just moved here for school and I got her into it. We worked the same job that summer the same shift 2pm-10am perfect for bar stars such as ourselves. And we had a blast that summer.

I am happy to report the none of us got mauled on the dance floor. Two of my friends got nods from other women. We are trying to decipher these nods. If a) people assumed they were a couple or b) they were showing an interest in my friends? I don't know proper etiquette of a gay night club but I was drunk and the music was good so I danced with my girls and has a good time. I also managed to be hit on by one of the few straight guys in the club and had a drink bought for me by said guy.

Maybe the straight guys are catching on to our little secret.

So I did say that there may or may not have been some straddling on my part. What happens when five drunks girls get off at the wrong Skytrain stop? They walk longer than they have to and pause for random photo ops.



We were walking by an Armory and a friend and I decided to climb up on a cannon and for the photo op, It's a horrible pic which is the only reason I am posting it.