Saturday, January 1, 2011

Once a Mom, Always a Mom.

My New Years Eve wasn't what I thought it would be. Having secured a baby sitter a month in advance, I had plans. I had BIG plans. I haven't been thoroughly drunk on New Years in years. It's been so long, I can't remember. This year was to be the YEAR! I had a baby sitter! Not just any sitter, but a FREE baby sitter. And a trusted sitter. My aunt. What more could a mom want? A safe baby sitter for a child so she could go and have a care free night.

Once I had secured my aunt to baby sit, I immediately wanted to figure out a plan and decide who I'd be spending it with. One thing was certain, I wanted to spend it with Tara. I called her and she readily agreed to spend NYE with me. We didn't have a specific plan per se. We knew it would involve alcohol and a care free night.

As New Years approached we still didn't have a game plane. Nobody wanted to commit to anything. We couldn't rally other people together. I like house parties, but all my Vancouver friends are scattered and I don't hang out with one specific group. Before Christmas, Tara and I decided that we wanted to go to a ticketed event downtown Vancouver of some sort. We still didn't have a venue. Throughout all this time we both maintained that we didn't want TM (he boyfriend? IDK WTF he is to her) to be part of our plans.

A few days before NYE we decided we wanted to go to a pub. Which one didn't matter. She left it up to me. I picked one a random. When I was trying to buy a ticket online, is where we ran into problems. I had called the pub and the been advised where to buy tickets online. Said task proved to be more difficult than I thought. I searched by date, venue, event, NYE, I googled and  I couldn't get a link. So I said F*** it. We'll go else where.

So I made a back up plan. Throughout this, Tara and I were texting and/or talking on the phone. I got a text at 10:30pm on Tuesday night that TM wanted to join us.

The ball had just dropped. I can't stand the guy. Nor could I stand to spend an evening with him. It just wasn't happening. Having already had an emotional day, I told Tara that I would talk to her about it in the morning and that wasn't up to discussing it.

In the course of a night, I made a decision. I wasn't going to put Tara in a position to choose between a friend and her boyfriend. I accepted an invitation to another friend's place. I felt good about the decision. It would be a quiet girls night in with food, drinks, games and movies. After a Christmas and family that failed to live up to my expectations, I wanted to go into NYE having none.

I told Tara this the next morning. I assured her I wasn't mad at her. But that I wasn't up to dealing with TM and his bull crap.

I had my plans and they were set.

But then TM went an pulled a TM. He got tickets to an event without asking Tara. And event that she didn't want to attend, that he knew she wouldn't want to so he went and bought them tickets because he wanted to go.

She asked me to spend NYE with her. She said she'd take care of pre-drinks at her place and she'd pay for the cab to and from. A house party even came up that we had hope to would come up.

I still said no. She was more than welcome to come to my friend's place and have a girls night in. It was an option.

She thought about it, but as to not ruffle TM's feathers she cowed to him.

I went about my plans. I went to my friend's place for a girls night in. My friend Hailey, has a 5 YO daughter Amber. She would be spending it with us. She also invited two of  Amber's friends 2 adorable twin boys to keep her entertained. Cole and Jayden.

The plans were to eat food, watch movies, play games and have girl time.

I ate. I watched movies. And I danced. I drank a wee bit.

I built forts. I got snacks. I got drinks. I supervised movies. I got pillows and blankets.

My NYE was divided between girl time and kid time.

It was apparent from my arrival that Hailey had no activities set up for the kids. I had suggested that we make sundaes or smoothies but she blew them off. I am not THAT MOM. The one who always has an activity lined up for her kid or the day planned out all the time. The mom's I envy. The mom's I feel we born for motherhood. Whose livelihood all day long is her child(ren).

But, I am a mom.

When Aaron takes my hand and wants to show me something, I stop and I take the time. I want him to know that he is loved and that I WANT to spend time with him and nothing is more important than him. (Well maybe making sure the house doesn't burn down when cooking. And that I won't be at his every beck and call, as it's called manners and interrupting and all that)

I am a mom who knows her child need activities and want to feel valued. It was apparent from the time I got to Hailey's that she doesn't value her daughter. That she seemed like a nuisance It was apparent in the way she spoke to her and treated her. When we were downstairs watching movie or dancing all crazy Amber just wanted to join. She wanted to belong, to be one of the grown ups. I remember that when I was a little girl.

She kept saying to her "Amber, go UPSTAIRS!"

It broke my heart. And those little boys Cole and Jayden were two well behaved perfect little angels. And they don't have a mom in their life. Only their dad. I spent a lot of time playing with them, fetching them stuff, and making sure all was well. I told them if they needed anything to let me know and I'd get it. I said I'd help them make another Wii character as there were 2 girls and only  1 boy. And no boy wants to play a girl. So I did. I was a mom.

I knew they grew tired what they were playing with so I made them a fort. When they were hungry, I got them a snack. When they looked like they were ready to go to sleep, I got them blankets and pillows.

I didn't mind. IMO the kids were up way too late and should have been in bed by 10pm, not 1pm. But I am not their mom. Hailey said they could stay up till midnight. So when it was getting close I had them get their coats on and I gather up pots and pans for them to bang. It was a fun night.

The night wasn't what I thought it would be, but it was good night.

I mothered and I got smiles. When I left this morning, I got some smiles out of the boys. I wanted to make them breakfast, but I didn't have time as I had to be back at my dad's, to be with Aaron. If I had had the time, I would've.

One thing that is apparent, and I have always maintained. Some of my old friends, that I have been friends with for years, I don't think we'd be friends as we just don't seem to have things in common. Like parenting.


S.I.F. said...

It's hard for me to read about someone parenting like that... I hope you had a good night regardless though friend. And that 2011 is everything you hope it to be!

SciFi Dad said...

Yep... same thing happens when we go somewhere like that. Either my wife or I end up playing with the kids while their parents ignore them. Sad, but true: some people didn't want to be parents, they just wanted kids.