On my mind

I feel guilty. I'm feeling this way for many reasons today. The main reason is that I yelled at my son. I was trying to give him medicine in a syringe and he was fighting it and fussing. I yelled at him to take his medicine and he proceeded to cry harder. I'm was frustrated with him. I have been very irritable lately. There are only 2 situations that make me feel like this. PMS and pregnancy. I haven't gotten my period back yet as I'm still breastfeeding and on a progesterone only birth control pill Micronor and from what I know progesterone can stop your periods or lighten them up a lot. I'm just waiting to get my period back. I have no way to measure if I 'm pregnant from missed period. I took a pregnancy test a few weeks back and it was negative. I have been feel like this for 2-3 weeks. I don't think that I am pregnant as I haven't missed nay pills near the time of relations and I'm not insanely tired as I was when I was first pregnant with Aaron. So I don't know why the feeling like this.

After Aaron started to cry I placed him in his crib and got a cloth to wipe his face as it was all sticky. The poor little guy was crying so hard. I feel guilty as I write this. I feel like a horrible mother. I was trying to get us out the door to catch the bus to get to a baby talk group. And I just realized that today that wasn't important and we could catch the next bus and I just rocked him nd cuddled him until he calmed down. As we were walking to the bus it drove by as it was early and I decided to not go to the group and to just get a coffee at the plaza. By now Aaron had fallen asleep and I decided to read my book for a bit. (I'm reading Twilight) after this I just decided to go for a walk around my neighbourhood and relax. I'm trying to work out by running/walking/going to the gym when I can. I think running is better. I live minutes away from the ocean which is a perfect for running, walking, biking and roller blading. I have a BOB stroller and it's time to use it. I am calmer now. Aaron is still sleeping. He's been sleeping in his stroller for the last hour and a half. My baby is sick. He is teething and he has a cold. He slept for 7 hours and 15 minutes last night. He hasn't never slept that long EVER! The most he has done was 7 hours when he was int he 2-4 motn range. I don't know if it was because he was sick or because I got 4 oz of formula in him before he went to bed last night. I'm trying to wean him a bit. I just almost want to cry and tell him I'm sorry over and over again. And rock him and never let him go. My baby needs me. I'm a SAHM and I think that is best for him. I am intending to go back to work part-time in the beginning of March. Ideally I would like to get a job waitress at the local pub a few nights a week so I can be with him as much as possible. I don't want him to go to day car 8-10 hours a day while he is this young. I could be back to work an do the 9-5 thing. But I want to bewith my boy. Part of me thinks that maybe I do need to go back to work so I have time to myself to do my thing. I suck at the housewife thing. I am not organized and I hate to clean. Well I should take this opportunity to study while Aaron sleeps. I have a midterm on Saturday and i will only get out of it what I put in.