Missing

In the last couple of weeks I have been reflecting a lot on what my life used to be like before I became a mom. I miss a lot of the little things I used to take for granted.

- I miss driving down Highway 1 (Trans Canada Hwy) through Burnaby and Vancouver on my way to work. I miss the simple things about this drive especially talking on the phone to my friends. (Driving hands free has only been introduced in BC recently.) I got to do this the last time I was in Vancouver while driving into Burnaby with my phone on speaker. I miss this.

- I miss the familiarity of going into work every morning and washing out the coffee urns and making coffee when I worked the 7am shift. I miss booting up my computer at work and logging into the same programs and the camaraderie I had with my co-workers.

- I miss my friend Joe. I met him at work and he was like a little brother to me. We're still friends but I miss talking to him on our breaks and the male perspective he used to give me when Eric and I had an argument and he'd put me in my place. Things changed He got married, I had a baby.

- I miss our Karaoke nights that I could count on every Thursday night. Joe would always be there, so would a handful of his roommates and some of my friends. Joe and I would always sing "Jackson" by Johnny Cash and June Carter. It was a terrible rendition, but ours none the less. I will sing karaoke stone cold sober, or drunk.

- I miss going to the mall with Eric and trying clothes not having a care in the world. If I were trying on pants he’d grab my ass and give it the squeeze test.

Tonight I had the chance to go to the mall by myself and I tried on clothes. Office clothes to be exact. I went to Ricki's I love that store. I am anywhere to a 0 - 4 in their sizes. In normal stores, I am not a 4. I am a 6 - 8. Shopping there makes me feel good. If I do get the job that I am coveting, I will need a few good pieces to add to my work attire.

I miss working. I miss having a purpose. I realize being a stay-at-home-mom is a purpose, but I miss working and I think Aaron would thrive in a daycare. (A good one, not some random one he is on some waitlists to some good ones.) If I do end up going back to work it will be an adjustment but we will get through it. And if working isn't meant to be, I can quit. In the next year if I do not go back to work to a decent job, I will be going back to school.