Wednesday, March 18, 2009

A Letter to my Body

Dear Body:

I have a bone to pick with you. You’re not holding up on your end of the bargain. Remember the discussion we had? I was going to exercise and make healthy choices with regards to food and you were going to stop getting sick and weak on me. Now what’s with the latest ailment you trouble me with? A clogged milk duct, are you serious? Now I know when we’ve had clogged ducts before that was of my doing. I constricted the girls in too many sports bras when exercising or wore too tight a top when going out and dancing for hours on end. But this clogged milk duct isn’t justified. I didn’t over do it, when I went to the gym I only wore one sports bar and frankly the girls moved a little too much for my liking, I felt that I stretched them to my knees while I was on the treadmill. So what gives? What are you trying to tell me? You don’t like being worked out having your muscles contracted and stretched repeatedly? I only go to the gym about three times per week sometimes four. I’ve cut out trans fat, extra fat, soda pop, and a lot of other foods that I like. Like cheese, I hardly EVER eat cheese so what do I need to do to appease you? Do I need to cut out the red meats, raw fruits and veggies, dairy and caffeine? I know all of these things aren’t good for the IBS but come on I’ve been good to you. Can you please cooperate so I can go the gym and have energy to get through the day without a nap?

Now you and I were headed off to Vancouver to go to a Canucks game tomorrow night and out for my birthday Friday night with Eric and some friends. I’ve been good to you. Can you please be good to me for the next 3 days? I know that’s a lot to ask when allergy season is underway but I will medicate you when necessary. (Even though the allergist says we don’t have allergies, you and I both know that absolute crap! Because every year come March they start and go until mid summer. No matter how many different nasal sprays I cram in you it’s not enough.) I don’t have a lot of friends in Victoria and my going to Vancouver is my time to get my fill in of a social life. Be easy on me, and I’ll be easy on you. Though I can’t make any promises for Friday night, and I expect you to not take it easy on me Saturday morning. I understand the tit for tat business. But you don’t seem to. So I beg you please get your shit together for the next few days.


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