Sunday, March 1, 2009

Today is Sunday...

...and I feel anxious. I don't know what exactly lead to this, but Eric, Aaron and I were grocery shopping and I started to feel hot and light headed out of no where. I have officially been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder while I was under the care of a shrink for my PPD. I am not surprised, I have always been a worrier. I am pretty sure I inherited this from my grandma along with her looks. I am very much like her. Even down to my love for rum and cokes and any type of dip. The cheesier the better.

I was a talking to a friend who suffers from depression and anxiety on a greater scale than myself and she suggested I get anti-anxiety medicine. It happens so rarely that I feel like this that I don't think that it is necessary. I am human after all. I might chalk it up to Aaron having fits (read tantrums) when he doesn't get his way and getting dressed always involves screaming, twisting, turning and fighting. Diaper changers aren't much better. And the fact that I went to bed at 11:30pm last night was up 2-3 times with Aaron and up for the day with him at 6:30am. (Eric let me sleep in yesterday, today was his day.) The sleeping in until 9am thing was short lived. I am planning on going to bed shortly after writing this post.

After we got home from shopping I had lunch and relaxed a little and went out again with Aaron to Costco and Super Store. The entire freezer section of Costco was blocked off. WTF? I went there for 3 things: frozen berries, diaper wipes and cheerios. Needless to say I didn't get berries. I did get them at Super Store. I am a smoothie junkie will be even more so after purchasing my protein powder after some more research.

I am regretting my decision to not go to Vegas. I know I need it and deserve it. But I don't know if Aaron in ready to be left. Eric and I decided to start feeding him adult food more so than baby food as he is very keen on feeding himself. We did this with dinner tonight he had carrots, potato's and a little pork. He ate most of it. I spoon fed him mashed potatoes off of my plate as he always wants what we have. I don't know how to break it to him that isn't quite ready for lettuce yet. He needs a few more teeth 2 just won't cut it. No pun intended. I cute up half a pear for dessert and he ate most of it out of my hand. I looked into what to feed a 1 year old. (My baby is 11 months today!!!!)And I will use it as a guideline. I will not feed him more than 2 cups of homo milk a day as a 1-year-old doesn't need more than 2 cups of milk as it has the right amount of calcium. I am still breast feeding him. I don't want to wean him completely but scale back the daily feedings. Feeding Aaron has become more positive. We praise him when he feeds himself and doesn't fight us when we spoon feed him. If I say "Yay" in a certain tone he knows to clap his hands. It's so cute.

I think it is time to say good bye. Sleep is in my forecast.


Steph the WonderWorrier said...

*Hugs*, friend.

I know how you feel. I have it myself, and it's just such random boughts of anxiety at the most RANDOM times. My boyfriend is supportive but doesn't always get why I can't just deal with things "normally". But, I just can't! Anxiety just HAPPENS, before I can control it.

I was on anti-anxiety meds but weight gain was a side-effect of them, and I gained like, 20 pounds in two weeks (not good). I weaned off of the medication, and since I've always been strong enough to cope without meds, I've been trying to do that. I'm not against a person's choice to use medication, if it's the right thing to help them, but personally I cope using my own strategies and some I learned through some group therapy I did.

I wanted to blog a lot about my anxiety; but (as I'm sure you can understand) sometimes it comes and goes, and as I sit to blog about it, I've already rationalized myself out of my anxious state, so then trying to write it down just sounds ridiculous. I have so many entries that I began and then stopped because I couldn't quite put the random feelings into good words. Sigh.

But just reminding you, I'm here. I totally understand.

Siera said...

Thanks for the support. I did do group therapy with other mom's who have Post Partum Mom Depression and anxiety issues. It did help. I was against the meds but ended going on them 6 months post partum.