Tired

I am tired... I am not sleeping good. After Aarom goes to bed, I stay up and dick around online for a few hours and next thing I know it's late and I can't fall asleep. I am also fighting a bit of a cold. So I haven't been around much. I'll write something of substance soon. I hope.

So I Got Probed... Again

I had my AFC this morning. The clinic here is swanky to say the least, but I still do not care for them in the slightest. There is no warm fuzzy feeling radiating from this place. In fact I get the exact opposite of warm and fuzzy. It's cold, sterile and the staff aren't friendly at all. The first time I met the RE I was naked from the waste down with a paper sheet covering my lady bits. When I met the RE at the clinic back home, I met in his office and he introduced me to the IVF nurse that sat in with us. At this clinic, there was a female staff member in the room with us who I was not introduced to. I know for a fact she wasn't a nurse as I asked her when she let me into the room. She just happen to wear scrubs.

Hell they didn't even offer me socks!

I have no plans to relay this to Liz, she is comfortable and it's her baby I am trying to help make. I got my AFC results I have 4 follicles on my right ovary and 2 on my left. While this isn't great RE said that I'll just need a higher dose of the drugs. Liz thinks I will have a higher count when I get another AFC done once I get a cycle on my own.

There is nothing like getting one of those exams done while your 30 lbs toddler sits on your chest because he is scared. I had Aaron with me as my appointment was on such short notice. He was good and didn't break anything swanky or touch the ultrasound machine. Phew.

Now I get to do bloodwork and wait.

Wordless Wednesday

I Just Want to Make a Baby

I am still proceeding with being an egg donor. Things are moving errr rather slowly. I really don't like the clinic that Mike and Liz are using. Their too fucking picky. I guess I was spoiled getting to know the clinic here with my brief dealings with them. I like the way they conduct themselves, their professionalism and the RE rocks in his bedside matter. People come from all over the province and out of province and even country to go there.

My beef is that we can't proceed with a cycle until Eric gets back because he needs to get blood work done as he is my partner. For real? I asked the donor nurse what the difference would be if he were my boyfriend with whom I was monogamous with versus my common-law husband. They will not budge. My IP's floated the idea of using the clinic here. I really wish they had.

The fact that it's taking so long, is wigging Liz out (I get it I really do) and she thinks I may back out. I have no intentions in doing such. Liz and I email each other to keep one another up to date with our dealings with the donor coordinator nurse so we keep the communication going well. She wasn't even aware that Eric had to be tested until I told her. The fact that he is deployed serving his country matters not to them. Good thing it's not a 6 monther. Fuck.

Another thing that is pissing me off, is that I need to get an Antral Follicle Count (AFC) which is an ultrasound of my ovaries to check my follicle count (each follicle makes and egg) to see if I will produce and good number. This was mine and Liz's idea as I don't want to go through with cycle and turn out to be a bum donor. If I have a shitty reserve there is no point in me going through a cycle and Mike and Liz wasting their money on the drugs.

What is pissing me off is when I should get it done. I went off the pill so they could get an accurate AFC. I went off the pill a week ago. The donor nurse wouldn't answer my question if it's better to wait until I get a period on my own then do that count or if it makes a difference if I get one now. I happen to be going to Vancouver this weekend. She booked me for an AFC as I will be there and they want to accommodate me. They don't need to accommodate me if Eric won't be back for a month and we can't proceed until then. I told her this. Apparently days 2-4 on a cycle is the best time to do an AFC. I want to get the best possible look at my ovaries and I don't want to incur Liz and Mike any additional costs. IVF aint cheap.

This is most frustrating. I just want to make a baby.

Eyesore

I was downtown the other day and I saw this, and I just had to take a pic. Is this what are world is coming to? If Aaron could talk and ask "What is that yellow box for mommy?" What I am suppose to say? "It's for diabetics sweetie." Then again, I guess it is better than the alternative.

Stalling

I should be writing a cover letter right now. It’s for a job that I would love to have but is so far out of my reach I don’t know what the point in applying is. I lack the education needed but I have the combined experience. This reminiscent of high school when I would leave to essay writing the last minute. High school being the theme of the day. Blogging is a great distraction from actually getting work done.

I am going to have reach deep inside of myself to get a good cover letter. Sometimes I can pull them outta my ass in half an hour. I really don’t think such is the case here. I have many cover letters but none geared to this type of job.

I’ve been thinking lately about observations I have of people and thoughts I have in passing that have come true. I don’t know how to write this without sounding like a complete nut job, but I have some sixth sense at times where I think of something and it will happen. By no means can I predict the future or do I think I am psychic which I don’t believe in. I just have a feeling something will happen and then something or that event does. Before 9/11 I remember thinking to myself “It’s been awhile since a world wide event took place that rocked the news has happened.” Awhile later we all know what happened.

I’ve had 2 such thoughts in the last 6 months on a lesser scale one positive one not positive about people I interact with IRL and online and things have happened which I had a passing thought about. I guess premonition would be the right word. It’s weird. It doesn’t scare me, it is just is weird. That’s all I can say. Maybe god is trying to tell me something about some people. If such is the case, I don’t want to go up to someone and say X is going to happen to you. Because that person would think I am a nut job.

High School Reunion Fail

***For some stupid reason Blogger will not accept my spacing and formatting again... Grrr sorry for the bad spacing. ***

Being that I was born in '82, is 10 year high school reunion time for many of my friends, and friends of friends. This one was making it's way around some of my friends on Facebook and it's too funny not to share with all of my two readers.

*Names have been changed. Duh.

Thanks to everyone whom came out tonight. Everyone looked beautiful! I feel the reunion was a success, and I am happy with the turn out that made it. I need to thank Bobby Jo Davis* whom met me hours earlier to help set up and stayed way past 2am helping me clean at the end aswell. She deserves 1000 Thankyous. Also thanks to Bill Bishop* and Corey Milton* (and friends) for their support.

You can never expect things to go perfect, so alas for the bad news:

1- Whom ever stole the case of beer, a few bottles of alcohol and some of the table cash: YOU ARE LAME.

2- To the 6-7 people whom came without paying, which as a result I ended up paying for you: ALSO LAME.

3- To the people who wondered off into the places that they were not supposed to be (ie. the principles office) and triggered the alarm which brought the police: If I get charged a fee for security coming I am going to be pissed. And you make me look bad for your idiocracy.

4- For the loser who put the game piece in the toilet: Seriously?

5- And for the people who smashed beer bottles outside: Grow up.In was at the school until 4am working with the janitor to clean up the mess that was left behind. I will be charged over time for an additional shift which is unfortunate.

But-- like I said, I wanted to make this happen, and I anticipated there would be a few assholes. It's a high school reunion-- its bound to happen. Planning this was certainly an adventure for me from the start right through to the clean up. I will be honest, the stupidity of some people whom graduated from Dixon High* is shocking. lol.

I won’t let packing the car in the pissing rain and a shitty end to a good night ruin the whole thing. SO many many thanks to those whom helped in various ways. It was nice to see so many smiling faces.

And I wont let a few assholes ruin my perception of our grad class as a whole. I hope you had fun. Take care of yourself, and best wishes to all.

A note to the organizer of this event. This is why you have your high school reunion at a venue.

You pay someone else to do all the work described above for you!

I wonder what I will encounter at my high school reunion? Glad I am not from this graduating class!

Retail Therapy, Screaming and Weighing In

I am feeling lonely tonight. I feel trapped, alone and desolate and I am craving conversation that doesn't include a screaming toddler every other minute of the day. Despite my best efforts I have zero plans this weekend. I've called/texted all my local friends. Nada. Either everyone is working, can't afford to go out, or hasn't gotten back to me. It's times like these that I hate this god damn Island and curse Victoria and whoever put the navy here instead of Vancouver. I am trapped and have no way off unless it's by plane or boat. If the ferry ran 24-7 it would be different, but as it stands I am a slave to BC Ferries and their ridiculously high prices.

To help myself out of this funk, in true girl fashion I gave myself a dose of retail therapy. I had to go to Wal-Mart for four things: Canestan, Acidophilus, IB Profen and Milk. I could've gotten those closer to home but I'm fond of the Equate brand of Canasten.

The Children's Place happened to open recently, which happens to be by Wal-Mart. I went in looking for Aaron and walked out with stuff for my niece. She happens to be 11 months to the day older than Aaron. They don't have TCP where my sister lives . My sister is a fan of hand me downs, and the girl doesn't get new stuff often, so I indulged a wee bit. In true Swistle fashion.




I wish I had a working camera with a flash at the moment, but alas I don't. So my cell phone will have to do. I got her a pink and black stripped hoodie dress, a black skirt, pink leggings and a black head band. I got it all in 4T. It will be a bit big, but she will get a full season if not more out of it.

Now that I am back home, I don't feel much better. Aaron is cutting his god damn molars and has taken to letting out some very high pitched short squeals to voice his displeasure at life. I love the kid, but I am ready to bang my head up against the wall or take up drinking for sport. Hell I've been the gym 2X in 24 hours to get out my frustrations. Hats off to single parents, I don't know how the hell you do it and without help.

I am taking advantage of the free child minding I get 3 hours per week. I will probably run myself ragged, but I have to stay sane. Hence working out. (And my high school reunion is in one months time which may or may not have something else to do with it.)

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I am not sure if anyone has been watching the news as of late, but hailing from the Vancouver area I have to weigh in on this. A girl was gang raped at a rave in Pitt Meadows, BC and pictures and videos of the event were posted on Facebook.

I don't say where I grew up as I don't want anyone pin pointing me via my blog, but my god I can't believe this happened. I can't imagine being 16 and have this happen to one of my peers. I can't imagine being this girl, and having my peers be interviewed for the news. It's disgusting, and despicably and a reason why things like Facebook need to be regulated. I don't know where to go with this. I am just appalled and shocked and I feel for this girl, I do. She was given the date rape drug which lead to the assault. And the damn pictures have gone viral on the Internet. I hope that this can be stopped and that everyone involved in this is caught and dealt with the the severest extent of the law.

Another issue, circulating in BC news is a former bartender who worked at the Sharks Club in Richmond, BC is taking her former employer to the Human Right Tribunal over the skimpy dress code. She feels she was violated, and put on display and sexually harassed. To this I say if you didn't feel comfortable sporting cleavage and baring your legs why the hell did you apply there?!

When you walked in there and applied and had your interview did you not notice the short skirts and cleavage? If your not comfortable wearing such clothes, then don't apply in establishments where servers sport such attire!

Take it from someone who has applied in all sorts of establishments and would really like to waitress, but with no waitressing experience, nobody will hire me. If applied at Cactus Club, Earls or the Sharks Club, I'd expect to be wearing stuff that reveals my T&A. If I couldn't handle the dress code, I wouldn't apply let alone accept the job!

Last Few Days

I have had an interesting week say the least on Wednesday night I was hit with a flu or food poisoning and it knocked me out all night long there was no sleeping and I spent a good portion of the night in the bathroom. I was in rough shape. As soon as a decent hour hit, I called a friend and took Aaron to her and myself to the hospital. I couldn't keep anything down I felt so dehydrated I wanted IV fluids. I couldn't keeping anything down, not water, diluted apple juice or Gravol. It wasn't fun. Let me tell you.

I never made it inside the doors of the ER. When I got to ER, the triage nurses weren't assessing anybody and had a list of people sitting just waiting to be checked in, not even in the waiting area to get in behind the doors. I had screw this moment, and decided to go home and take my chances.

Knowing that I was going to the hospital, I traveled light. I took my drivers license, Care Card (health card) and debit card. I wrapped and elastic band around them and threw them in a little make-up bag along with my Carmex. I had that along with my keys and cell phone. After I had my screw this moment, I walked to my car in the parkade and called my friend to check in on Aaron. In the short walk to my carI manage to lose my cards. I realised this as I was pulling up to the parkade and I had no way to pay the attendant. I was in tears at this point. I was more than 24 hours without sleep, dehydrated and without ID.

The attendant was a first class a-hole who told me that I am grown up and need to act like a grown up. I couldn't barely sputter out the words that I lost my debit card, all he would say was they don't take debit and to go the the ATM in the hospital to get cash. I was a mess.

Too make a long story short, I retraced my steps, came up fruitless, my friend showed up at the hospital without me asking her to and she had cash so I could pay. While we walked back to my car, I was looking in the stalls for my cards when a man in van asked me if I was looking for something and I said my ID. He said me name. Turns out he found it and turned it into information. God Bless him. That was one less headache I had to deal with. I got myself some Gatorade manage to keep it down and came home and rested. My aunt showed up as she was on her way over for a visit (the timing couldn't have been better!) she helped me out a lot. I am feeling better and Aaron is off. Agh.

The poor boy threw up last night after I put him to bed. After a quick bath and change of bedding he woke up once and I gave him some Gatorade and slept until I woke him up this morning. He hardly ate anything at all today and had a 4 hour nap! I was worried so I woke him up and he woke up happy and ready to play. He wouldn't drink so I gave him a cup of Gatorade in a syringe. I don't know what is up with him bit he will drink anything out of syringe.

We went to the a walk-in clinic. I got antibiotics for my never ending sinus infection, and the doctor said he might get worse, but seeing how happy he's been playing I don't think he will.

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In Aaron news, he used the potty two times in the course of one evening all on his own! I had him roaming diaper free and next thing I know is I look and there is pee in the potty. I missed it both times. Even though I was in the room. I praised him both times he was quite pleased with himself.

I've also enrolled him in swimming lessons we start next week. It was apparent he was ready for them when we were visiting my grandpa. It will be interesting, as most times when we go swimming he'd rather wander the pool deck than play in the water.

Life

Life has been interesting since we got home. My kitchen looks like it threw up all over the counters as I have crap EVERYWHERE! I am trying to reorganize and de clutter my kitchen, throw in an extra toddler and stuff just doesn't get done.

Anyone who is organized and runs a seemingly smooth home, I envy you. I have come to the realization that I m not super mom and I never will be no matter how much I try. I really want my house organized, and not random crap haphazardly thrown in whatever random drawer of cupboard so I can have some sense of order in my life. I find it very overwhelming, and don't know where to start. Doing this on my own, being a mom and running a household is hard. I am trying, but failing miserably.

Hell, the other day I was sitting in the car trying to make a list and I couldn't think, I got very anxious and had to get out of the car. All from making a grocery list! Something is not right.

I am also frustrated with the clinic I am working with in Vancouver. Liz and Mike (my intended parents) had their consult last week and Liz told me to contact the donor coordinator nurse today and the nurse had no clue who we were or what she was dealing with. She is going to mail me paperwork, and then if I am found suited we can proceed. WTF? The clinic here emailed it to me. I called them when I was over so I could do all that while I was there and they said they couldn't help me until the IP's had their consult. I didn't know filling out paper work had to wait. I don't like this clinic already, but it isn't my choice.

I could bitch some more, but I've got a kitchen to put together.

Reflections

Some how I think they look better on me....


Aaron and my grandpa.

Reflections:

There were so many different things I wanted to write about. My shitty day, feeling sorry for myself, missing Eric, our 8 year anniversary of sorts. Labour day weekend has special meaning for us as it was the start of our relationship.

But I really want to write about my childhood reflections with my grandpa. I had the opportunity to spend some time with alone with Aaron and it brought me back to my childhood. He is going on 88, and is still of sound mind, living on his own, doing things for himself and is always on the go.

I have a special bond with him. My grandma and him helped my dad out a lot with me as a child. My dad worked shift work and didn’t have every weekend off. I only went to my mom’s ever second weekend, so on weekends when he worked I went to stay with them.

My grandpa is a patient man and had away with kids. He spend hours with me, and I think it shaped part of who I am. I look back on my childhood memories with him and have nothing but good memories. Some of my favorite memories are tinkering around in his basement at his work bench. We would soder iron stuff, (melt plastic) squeeze random things in the vice, play with magnets, charge car batteries. He always told me to be weary of the acid. It probably wasn’t the safest area for me to be, but I was supervised and nothing bad every happened to me or my cousins.

We would hop on a bus, and go all over Vancouver. We would take the Sea Bus to North Vancouver or take the bus to the airport to watch the planes land and take off. We went camping in his motor home and on nights when I would just stay there we always camped out in the motor home in the backyard. Winter or summer, it didn’t matter. He’d let me stay up late playing cards (rummy, crazy 8’s, poker) and had infinite amount of time.

That man can fix anything. I love him and am glad that I got some time with him and I want Aaron to get to know him before he passes. (Lets be real, he’s 88 it’s something I need to keep in the back of my mind.)When my grandma passed away when I was 13, it wasn’t long before he had a new girlfriend who move din shortly after they met. (6 months after they met?) I acted like a jealous daughter of a step-mom, and I lost a part of his affections. But he and my grandma were more roommates after my dad and aunt left the house. At this time I am happy he found a companion to spend the better part of 12-13 years with. (She had to be put into care due to Alzheimer’s) But I wasn’t back in the day. I am just so thankful that he is still around that I can make some new memories and that he contributed to happy child hood memories that might not have been there had he not took the time.

I’ve so many memories of this man, I can’t list them all. I have memories being a toddler with him and helping him shave with his electric razor and dumping his whiskers in the toilet and saying “Bye-bye whiskers see you in the riber.” (I said riber, not river) and I had visions of seeing them when we went down to the Fraser River.

I just wanted to say how much I love and cherish my grandpa. And I got to know him. I learned more of his an my grandma’s elopement, but that will be a post for another day. A good one. I am tired.

Welcome Home!

I had the worst home coming that I think I've ever had. (Even worsre than the birthday present the cat left me) After being away for 2.5 weeks, I was looking forward to coming home throwing together a dip and heading to my block party. Instead something died in my house.

Okay not, really.

But it certainly smells like something died!

While we were away we had our kitchen floor redone. (it was in bad shape.) The handyman forgot to ensure the fridge was plugged in and everything in my fridge and freezer rotted. I kid you not. Everything had to go. I had soups, meat sauces, veggies, bread, and frozen juice in there. Now it's sitting in a bin on the side of my house. I have no idea what the garbage man will think.

My house reeks. I called the handy man in tears, he said he made sure it was on. I couldn't talk to him. Since Eric is away and we arrived home during our block party I had to of my neighbours move the fridge so we could plug it back in. There is a power bar back there. I never knew this.

This house it that old. This house is a POS. We wouldn't buy it in a million years. It just happens to be in a really nice neighbourhood.

I had to share this news. Now I've got unpacking to do along with getting my house smelling good. All the Indian spices I bought the other day ought to do the trick.

I am SO glad I don't have back to school to deal with!

Camping, Round 1

Here are some pics of our trip last weekend. The pictures of Aaron and his cousin are when he waded out into the lake and got stuck, I had to coax her back to get him with chips. After she got him, they held hands along the shore it was so sweet. Pictures to follow of our luxury camping in my grandpa's RV.