Wordy Wednesday

I am beyond pissed. If you’re looking for light and fluffy today I am sorry to disappoint you. This is a vent session so hold on to your pants.

I am pissed off at my dear fiancé Eric. I have had 2 consecutive nights of little or no sleep/ Last night I only got on consecutive hour of sleep from 11:00 - 12:22am. I had a baby who is teething; which is a recipe for no sleep. His highest temp last night was 39.4 or 39.5 degrees Celsius which converts to 102.9 or 103.1 degrees Fahrenheit. When I called the nurses line they recommend that I take Aaron to emergency but I decided not to as he wasn't having seizures or having any difficulty breathing. He was hydrated and nursing and having regular wet diapers. We have a doctors appointment today so I didn't see the point and I did get is fever down.

I get that having a child is going to make for many sleepless nights. I know this. But what I didn't know is that when shit hits the fan I'd be dealing with it by myself pretty much. I didn't sign up to be a single parent when Eric and I decided to breed. Sometimes I figure I might as well have. Eric is in the military. When he deploys, I will be a single parent. I am prepared for this. I don't have a single family member on this Island that I can ask get help from at 12:30am. We have no one but each other; which is part of military life.

When we lived in military housing for the most part you make friends and help each other out. The people living around us were idiots who didn't know the meaning of the word supervise. I have a friend who lived down the street from me at our old place. The only problem was that we became friends right as I was moving and I now live half an hour away. No problem if you have a car but I took mine off the road. Being that we essentially have no one to help us out I expect Eric to step it up a notch now and then. He is ashore for the time being. He gets to sit in an office all day. He does the 9-5 Monday to Friday thing. Part of his workload is PT (physical training) 3X per week. He doesn't like this. He is tall and skinny and doesn't have an ounce of body fat. This doesn't mean that he is fit. Or just because he can pound back the McDonald's doesn't mean he can't have a heart attack before he is 30.

Back to the PT. Lately he has been ducking out early from PT and it hasn't gone unnoticed. His bosses are decent beings if there is a family issue he can take a day off. But he doesn't want to today because last week his boss noticed how many "appointments" he has had on PT days. I had a rough night last night, we all did. I didn't get more than 40 minutes of sleep at once after mid night. I had a baby to calm, nurse, cuddle, rock etc. Aaron wouldn't let Eric help him he only wanted me. He literally will push himself out of Eric's arms to get away from him if he doesn't want to be held. Eric is a good dad. He is attentive and plays well with Aaron. But he isn't me. If he hadn't been so freaking lazy with the PT, he could be home now playing with his son while I got a couple hours of sleep. If I lived in Vancouver I have my dad and my aunt who can't get enough of Aaron. They'd be over in a heartbeat if work didn't interfere. I don't have that here. And I need this. Eric isn't cutting it. This isn't the 1st time he has been an ass with regards to Aaron's care.

When I had my midterm and was studying my ass off at the library the morning of my midterm he bitched about getting up with the baby when all I wanted was to sleep in until 7am! He said I took my course to get out of the house. It's ONLINE! I leave the house so I can concentrate! A few weeks ago I got really excited and thought about taking an LPN course and then upgrading to my RN a few years down the road. The first thing he did was shoot my idea down and told me I had 7 years to go to school when I lived at home. This wasn't what I had expected. Maybe my idea was rash but it was an idea, I wasn't about to register. He could've said to me "Siera you have a great idea but the timing isn't right." This put a damper on us for a few days. I told him I have thought of leaving him because he can be so emotionally unsupportive. This didn't faze him. Or gave the impression it didn’t I know him well. He can be a robot at times, projecting to he emotionless which I can see past.

I need to get some sort of education for Aaron's sake. I don't want to work in an office any more. I want a job in health care which means stability in this economy. I am going to take a unit clerk course and maybe go back and get my RN when Aaron is school aged; With or without Eric. I love him and he is a good man. He is good to me, he treats me well, and he supports me. But he can be a very selfish at obtuse at times.

Take yesterday for example. It was my birthday. He got off early. Not because it was my birthday but because he has to do an extra shift in a few weeks. Did he even think that I might like to go out to lunch? No. Did I get a card? No. Flowers? Yes; but AFTER I hinted about a corner store that sells flowers at a decent priced and not an overpriced flower shop down the street.

Were suppose to get a hotel for the night Friday and my dad is going to look after Aaron. I haven’t booked it. I shouldn’t have to! He should. I don’t know how he can go from being attentive loving boyfriend to a senseless fiancé. I can’t wait to see what marriage has in store for us; if it ever happens.

I really don't know what the hell has happened to him. Two years ago for Valentines Day he sent me flowers when he was out at sea. A dozen red roses! They weren't cheap. Two years ago for my birthday he took me to Seattle shopping for a weekend. Which you can read about here That wasn't cheap. Just because I am a mom doesn't mean that my birthday shouldn't become just another day. A card, cheap flowers sure. I am easy please. Lunch at an inexpensive restaurant; even better. I don't feel valued. This PT bullshit is just the icing on the cake. If he did his job as is it required of he could take time off when I need him. Aaron is fine, happy and playing. I don't see how as he didn't sleep much last night but he is. Eric couldn't even be bothered to take him for a car ride in the middle of the night for me. I did. I drove around for 40 minutes trying to get my son to sleep while DF got to sleep. And he never fell asleep! Aaron that is. I tried co-sleeping, nursing, singing rubbing head and back. I finally rocked him to sleep in my arms and we slept in the guest bed together when he woke up 40 minutes later.

I think I have vented enough for the moment. I have coffee to make and a baby to play with.

*Update* After going to the doctor today there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with Aaron in addition to the teething except his right ear in concentrated. What the hell does that mean? According my doctor Aaron doesn't have an ear infection and doesn't need antibiotics. I know my Dr. doesn't like to prescribed antibiotics for ear infections but another dr. at the walk-in clinic said you shoud treat any child under 24 months that has one. If we have another night like last night I am getting another opinion. I've had 2 people tell me that a baby doesn't get a fever of 39.5 C (103 F) from teething. One was the nurse on the phone... Aaron hasn't spiked a fever today but he hasn't been eating or drinking much anf is miserble most of the time. My poor baby.