A VOICE OF MY OWN

It's Moving Time! I've moved blogs, again for.the.last.time. I swear! Fourth times a charm. I got myself a kick ass domain. Finally A VOICE OF MY OWN! And that is my url: http://avoiceofmyown.com go ahead be jealous. Or you can find me here. See you there!

XOXO,
Siera

Friday Night

It's Friday night. The baby is asleep, the fiance is out, I've tidied the kitchen, folded some laundry and I am taking some much needed me time.

I've nary a plan. All I am doing is sipping my lone beer and contemplating reading a book or watching some TV or a movie. ...

My new blog should be up and running soon. Fingers crossed! I've had my issue escalated to a senior technician... whatever that means. Once I have my own domain up and running I am sure I'll be more inclined to blog more as it will be mine. All mine. Muhaha.

I don't have much to say. I am counting down the days until we leave for Calgary and then Vegas. 7 and 13 woot!

Where I've been

Aaron and I went to Vancouver last Friday for 4 nights. It was hot! 30 degrees Celsius was average. I do not like the heat normally, but I was loving it. I actually went for the heat. We did a tour of the water parks. And I must say that is the best way to beat the heat is to follow your toddler through the water park.

I am very disappointed int he water parks in the Victoria area after being in the mainland. I 've yet to find one that even compares to Rocky Point Park in Port Moody. if I could rate it, I'd give is 4 stars. We also went to Hume Park in New Westminster, and Bear Creek Park in Surrey. Bear Creek isn't as good as I remember it as a child as it has been redone. I don't like water parks that do not have a pooling of water or little tiny rivers. Another thing I dislike about Victoria is that there are NO OUTDOOR POOLS or Kiddie pools. WTF? I know this town is slow and full of old people, but come on. The only one that does exist is at the university, which is not city run... I will have to check it out. But I am greatly disappointed, I was spoiled growing up in Greater Vancouver.

Also while there, I did the Grouse Grind. That is a trek OMG. It took me an hour and half to climb 2.9 km straight up a mountain. I took my sweet time and took many breaks. I feel better about it than when I did it when I was 17 as I huffed and puffed all the way up. My fitness level has improved greatly in 10 years. You're average bear can do it in under an hour, which I hope to do next time. I think if I had done it on a sound nights sleep and a high energy breakfast it would've gone better. I only had 2.5 hours of sleep that night and was up with Aaron at the crack of dawn.

This week we've been hanging around the house not doing much. And I am going to go do more of the same. Aaron in running a fever of 39 C. But has no other symptoms of being sick. We took him to the doctor's last night. I chalk it up to teething. I've been told by medical professionals that teething can't cause a fever, to which I saw BULLSHIT.

Disturbing

I was wathcing the national new this morning with Eric and this story came on.It's about man (I can't bring myself to call him a father) who left his 2 year old and 4 month babies in the car while he drank at a beer garden. Not only did he leave them in the car, but he left the windows up in sweltering heat. This was in Abbotsford, 45 min east of Vancouver and it can get hot in the summer and we've been in the middle of a heat wave. Who does this? When I saw rhe video of the police officer counselling the 4 month old baby I almost started to cry. Their diapers were soiled, the were dehydrated and distressed. Who does this? The man was arrested and the kids were taken into custody of of MCFD. The only way he was found out was because a women overheard him say to his drinking buddies that he was going to check on his kids. WHO DOES THIS? This man has no business being a father. It's unclear where the mother was. She was out too but not with the father as it seems. I was over in Vancouver last week and was sitting at around 30 C. It was in the late 20's. 25 C is 77 F. Again who does this? I feel bad enough just putting Aaron in the hot car and tf it's really hot I usally run the A/C for a few minutes. Some people shouldn't be parents

Frustrated

All I wanna do is blog! I have a kick ass domain with pow web. I hear they're great. They use wordpress as a blogging template. I HATE WORDPRESS! It shouldn't take more than a few minutes to install a program and for me to be up and blogging at my new kick-ass domain. Which I will not introduce to you until I can post there. ! Ugh.

Pet Peave

Cyclists who ride 2 abreast on a busy street. I loathe this as a driver. On a quiet residential street you can get away with this but not on a main street. YOUR NOT A VEHICLE! Last night on my way home from hot yoga there were 2 men doing this for 2 blocks, on busy street. as a driver when I see this I will roll down my window and say "you suppose to be riding single file." I don't think they cared. I did this to a family of four on a main street the dad gave me a piece of his mind. To him I say: "Are you trying to spend an all expenses family vacation paid by the Province of BC to the hospital?? Riding 2 abreast on a busy 50 Km/hr (30 MPH) 2 lane road where in order for cars to pass you they need to go into the oncoming lane isn't safe for drivers you or you family! Not all drivers are cautious and with the amount of speeders out there, your insane and setting a bad example for your children!"

Maybe it was the Fish?

I am thinking that maybe I wasn't having IBS issues yesterday but maybe I got food poisoning from the Fish 'N Chips... Eric came down with the same issues I was having so we think we got food poisoning. Needless to say were never eating at this Fish N Chip place again. I can see how it happened being a Friday night and busy cross contamination would be easy. Small space, raw fish touches veggies on the burger or the hands the make the fish touch the raw veggies... the more i think about it the more I think this happened. Our weekend together turned into a sick weekend. Ugh. The only good that came out of this is that I am going to directing my eating habits toward my IBS and I now have IBS friendly foods stocked in my kitchen.

Something's Gotta Give

TMI Warning This is a poopy post, and not of the baby variety.

I feel betrayed by my body today. It's 27 C (80 F) out sunny and beautiful and what have I done today? Nothing. I have been housebound all.day.long. Well that's not completely true. I've slept and become one with the toilet. I have IBS and today it decides to kick me in the ass with avegeance.

The shitty part is that my dad is here the weekend helping Eric and i out with Aaron so we could have some much needed alone time. HAHAHA! Eric isn't feeling well. he is all achy and just wants to sleep. I don't know what it is, but every time my dad comes over to gives us a much needed hand someone is sick and our plans get thrown out the window. Right now my dad has Aaron out and about and they're probably hitting up a spray park or something, and I am sitting around waiting for my next date with the potty.

I don't remember my IBS ever being this bad before I had Aaron. I could go to work and make it to the john in time. It's sad to say that we have 2 sizes of diapers in the house and only one is for Aaron. I never in my life depended on Depends before. It's so embarrassing. And no I don't use them out in public, When things are like this I don't leave the house. it's just to get me from whatever room I happen to be in in the house to the bathroom. That's how bad my IBS is at times.

I kind of saw this coming though. I've been having GI issues all week and would get an upset stomach after eating at times which lead me to think that I may a) have celiac or b) and ulcer. I went to see my dr. yesterday and got some blood work done. Now I am just waiting for the results... I think the Fish and Chips we had last night did me in. We got Fish and Ships and went and ate them on the beach. It was nice. We fed our left overs to the crows. Then we went and saw Bruno. Fat is an IBS trigger. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid! Today all I have had to eat is half a smoothie (milk based as I thought it may soothe my tummy if I do indeed have an ulcer) and a bowel of rice with a little honey, soy milk and sugar. which is a quick fix in my book Eating for IBS.

Were suppose to go to a friend's place tonight and play board games, which I think we will be able to do. I've maxed out on Imodium and it's doing it's job. all I can say is at least this happened during the day and not at night like last time where I was up until 3am. And good thing my dad is here to keep Aaron occupied while mommy and daddy are feeling like shit. With Eric not feeling well we were just going to go to a lake and sleep under a tree, but that didn't happen thanks to me.

I'm a little miffed with this, as we need to work on us a couple. We've been having some issues that need to be worked on otherwise I don't think were going to make it. But I don't feel like elaborating. One thing that I need to do is change.

I've got many things I'd like to work on. My health, my procrastination, my lack of keeping a clean house.

I'd like to change my diet. Obviously, with the IBS. I've thought of going organic or vegan or both for a week to heal my body or I've considered as juice fast which is suppose to cleanse your body. And by juice fast I mean juicing my own fruits and veggies in my juicer. it takes all the fiber out of the fruits, which is one less thing your body needs to digest aiding in healing your body. It is better explained here I am a little reserved about a juice fast as fruit juices can trigger IBS especially green veggies. Ugh. There are two types of fiber soluble (can dissolved in water) and insoluble fiber. (can't be dissolved) Insoluble fiber is considered rough and can aggravate the intestines and increased pain and diarrhea attacks...

Are yous till reading? i have no idea why I got onto IBS details. All I know is that I need to make a change. I think I will lay off the IBS triggers eat some recipes out of my book and make an apt with a naturalpath, and continue exercising when I can.

So Excited!

Chopping Board Post

****

Even thought I barely got any sleep last night, I am functional today. Sadly, I am unable to nap as I had a grande americano when my friend and I took our kids for a walk.

****

Aaron said his first word today! I was feeding him lunch and he said "cat!" Yesterday when I was getting dressed and my friend who was visiting was supervising lunch she said that he said "ca" when the cat jumped on the table. (She is such a nosey girl and a mooch to boot.) Today enters kitty and I said "cat" and he copied me in the softest little whisper! I was so thrilled but didn't over praise him as I didn't want scare him.

In other Aaron news, he is toddling every where in the last week and this morning he started climbing onto the foot stool that goes with our glider and rocking back and forth on it rocks in sequence with the rocking chair.

This is a fun time for us.

***

I have a job interview tomorrow to be a supervisor at a small call center. I have no supervisory experience, but I landed an interview! All my years of working in call center has finally paid off. (The abuse you take as a rep can be horrendous. Picture yourself when you're being bitchiest to your local utility company rep and multiply that by 56 over 4 years and you may get a tiny glimpse into what a rep may feel, add personal issues to that and you get and even better idea. Imagine catching your boyfriend in bed with another girl, or that you found out he slept with your married friend and that they sent dirty emails behind your back the whole time your were dating and you get an idea that reps are people too.)

Part of me wants the job and part of me doesn't as I don't want to work full time yet. If I get it, then it's meant to be. I'd be in charge of 5-6 reps. I'm not nervous in the slightest as I have nothing to prove and I don't know the interviewers so it's a fresh start.

I have been feeling a little dejected as I haven't heard anything from any of the serving jobs I had a applied for, so I humbled myself and applied at Starbucks and a grocery store and still nothing. Yet when I apply for office work, I get called for an interview. I have applied for 3 office jobs in 6 months and I have been called or tested for all 3. Something tells me I am destined to be an office bitch for the time being, until I can get my Unit Clerk schooling under my belt, which will be a while yet until I can get my typing to 50 WPM.

****

Has anyone ever practiced Bikrams Yoga? I've been doing ti for the last week and I am hoping to see some sort of benefit of it... I like it more than when I first tried it. I don't like the redundancy of the postures and the verbatim is always the same. ("Reach back, way back, far back, touch the wall...") Some instructors are a little too intense for my liking. Once I started staying in the back of the room and only taking their words as a grain of salt and stretching my posture until I felt a slight level of discomfort, did I start to enjoy it. I have been more intense over my fitness this last little bit and I hope that it pays off....

Ciao for now.

I want to curse a thousand different words

Last night was horrible. Aaron is teething and slept like crap. OMG! And the thing is I don't know if it is the teething or the tantrums or a combination of the two. He was medicated to say the least. I couldn't find any of my teething gels that had anything left! I have no idea where the Orajel got to last night. I think maybe its more on the tantrum side as when Aaron is sick he gets extra cuddles and such and maybe he thinks this behavior screaming bloody murder for no reason when all his needs are met will get him results.

I am reading people. I am reading. Currently I am reading The Baby Whisperer for Toddlers and Daddy Dearest and I have gone to one Triple P Positive Parenting session. I can't read my kid at times and I find this so frustrating. When he is sick or in pain the 1st thing I do is cuddle him, rock and sing and do whatever I can to soothe him. But the last day or so whenever I put him down he cries. Right now he is in his crib... he is tired and needs more sleep. I am beyond exhausted needless to say. Well I am going to go back to bed if he will allow it.

Sexomia?

Go read this article and you'll get the gist of it... I think it's a load of BULL CRAP

I'm doing It!

I'm going to Vancouver for an ENTIRE weekend without.the.boy. He'll be on daddy time for the weekend and I'll be on my time getting some much needed R & R. I'll be making a side trip south of the border to see some Fourth of July fireworks and maybe get some shopping in. See you all next week.

Teehting and Tantrums

Nap time can't come soon enough! Holy Hannah! I thought we had a breakthrough last night with the tantrums. New attitude, comforting more, no middle of the night freak outs... Aaron is certain;y making up for it this morning. He is fighting sleep. I know he is tired and teething. Not fun but where is the fine line between teething and a tantrum? I don't know. He has been given Tylenol and teething gel. I have given him Camilia. I am at my wits end with this kid. I hate doing the CIO. I don't let him go long. I don't want him to learn that him screaming at the top of his lungs gets him his way. I know he is a little young for that, but I controlled my dad as child he always gave into me and I don't want my son to be like that. I used to have such bad tantrums as a toddler I used to pull out my hair in clumps. I kid you not. That isn't normal and the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree when it comes to Aaron.

Somethings Gotta Give

It's 3.59am right now I am trying to break aaron of his new found habit of screaming/screeching at the top of his lungs like he is being tortured. I am not going to be one for grammar tonight. I don't liek the whole cry-it-out thing. I am going in every few minutes to reassure Aaron that everything is okay. Who needs sleep? Apparently I don't. Last night I was up till 3am with gaterointestinal (GI) issues.

4.02am - go into reassure the boy everything is okay. I don't know if this a good thing or a bad thing as it seems to set him off when he see's me?

Something has gotta give. ever since our trip to the ER he has learned that him screaming bloody murder yields results. I have ensured his needs are met with regards to pain, hunger, temperature, diapers, comfort etc.

He usually will wake up 1-3 X per night, I will nurse him when he has had his fill he will pull off the boob, I lay him down in his crib and he rolls over and falls alseep. (Such a man he is!)

4.07am - screaming has stopped.

- Cat wants in. The little minx has taken the darting out the door in the evenings around 9 or 10. She did so when I came home. I wonder whee she goes and parties at till the wee hours? Her punishment: No treats right now. Cats new routine is to come in at 3-4 in the am when I am dealing with Aaron. These two are putting their heads together and plotting on how to drive me to an early grave.

For the last I don't know how many nights he has the little freakoput from 3-4am.

4.12 - all is quiet. Going back to bed

*Update*

FAIL
on my part. Went to open the boy's door as I can't sleep unless I can hear him if he cries and he wasn't asleep he was murmuring to himself. He settled more quickly... went to open door again wasn't out yet. I took him to bed so he wouldn't keep Eric up as you can hear everything in this house. he moves around to much wouldn't cuddle to sleep i move him to hi sside of the bed (Eric was in a different bed by this point) tantrum ensues. Back to his crib. I don't thik the tantrum lasted long.

Ugh.

I want this kid not having tantrums in the middle of the night. It's messing with us as a family. Eric is too tired to even go to a family event we had planned on attending together. He let me sleep in, he gets to nap this afternoon. Being a parent is fun.

Can anyone reccomend any books? I went to the book store yesterday and I am going to see if I can find the same ones at the library. If not, I'll dole out the money for them.

Next week we have a meeting to get some tips with the Triple P Parenting technique.

Wordless Wednesday: HOT

Thwack

That is the sound that Aaron makes when his head hits the side of his crib. Bumpers are going back in.

I am lazy doing this bullet style today

- I am feel guilty about Aaron getting sick even though there was nothing I could've done for his dehydration. I thought breast feeding would've given him even more of an advantage, but with the diarrhea and vomiting it was inevitable. He had rotavirus which I have never heard of until he got it. The screaming that he had which lead me to take him in to the ER was stomach cramps from the dehydration.

- I have no clue where he got it as we go out a lot. We started going to a play group in the beginning of May and it has done him a world of good and he is comfortable playing without me right there in his line of sight and I can now leave him a at child-minding at the gym without much of a fuss.

- Now that Aaron is on the mend, I am back to my usual sinuses/head cold/allergies bull shit. At the beginning of last week it was almost as bad when I was pregnant which you can read about here I don't what I have to do to deal with it. I wake up dizzy and feeling hungover almost every morning with a constant pressure in my sinuses. Today to deal with it i have: taken 2 different prescription nasal sprays, steamed in the shower, rinsed my sinuses out with a saline solution, taken Aerius and an Advil Cold & Sinus. What can I do to get some relief? This is ridiculous. Eric and I went out for dinner the other night and we had this hot mustard as a side dip with our appie and I could feel it in my nose. I need to get my hand on some of that or some wasabi.

- My dad just left. Thank god he was here while Aaron was sick to help us through this. It's not easy having an island between you and your family with an hour and half ferry ride to see them. Him being here allowed me to rest I am beat. I didn't sleep much while Aaron was in the hospital. I went back as soon as I finished my post the other night. He finally slept for a few hours as I put him in a sleeper instead of his hospital gown. I just left his arm out with the IV in. I got to sleep in this morning after Aaron got up at 830am as my dad got up with him. ( I was up with him 3X last night)

- I AM GOING TO VEGAS IN AUGUST! Eric and I need a much needed vacation together. Vegas is cheap and there's lots to d! Were going to drive Aaron up to Alberta and have Eric's parents watch Aaron as they don't get to see him except for a few times a year and we'll fly out from Calgary.

Going to lose myself in Breaking Dawn until Aaron wakes up from is nap

Aaron is doing much better. He got discharged at 11am and is almsot back to himself. He is eating, playing and drinking. He looks drunk becuase of all the fluids in him. He is too cute. Now that my boy is better I can divert my attention to some other blog worthy thoughts.

Perez Hilton - WTF? If you're assaulted why the hell would you tweet for your followers to call police? If your hurt you CALL 911! Not tweet your woes away. Especially when you're in a different country. Attention Grabber.

Jon And Kate - Who cares!

I should be sleeping...

Instead I am thinking about my baby. Aaron was admitted to the hospital tonight for dehydration. I was with him in emergency for 7 hours? He was getting over his flu and playing this morning while my dad watched him then he started screaming so loud and ear piercing it wasn't right so I took him in expecting to get some IV fluids and then be on our way. It took them forever from he time they gave us a area in emerg until they actually started to run tests on him. Turns out he was dehydrated as we knew and they waited 3-4 hours after we got there to give him his IV. WTF? It took 2-3 hours of fluids to get him perked up when I left (Eric is taking a shift so I could come home to sleep and shower.) He was playing in his crib. Ugh. I hate seeing my baby like that. He was in so much pain screaming and/or pissed off when he was being poked and prodded. seeing him get a catheter for a urine sampled wasn't fun, but he took it like a champ the blood work wasn't so fun. The x-ray he was right pissed off from just having his blood work I had to hold him to the bed so hard to get the shot of his abdomen. I though they'd need to get restraints for him. I'm exhausted but can't sleep. i can't decide if I should try again or just go to the hospital and sleep there (there is a fold out bed thing in his room) and send Eric home or try to sleep again? I had a shower in hopes to relax me but i just lie there thinking of my boy.

Aaron

My baby is still sick. I called Healthlink and talked to a nurse. The boy's fever was up to 38.9 Celsius. I gave him his second lukewarm bath this evening at the urging of my dad who is visiting for the weekend. I have this nagging feeling that we should take him to the hospital but there is no need at the moment. He's breastfeeding, he's not dehydrated, he isn't lethargic, nor has his fever stayed above 39.5 C for more than 4 hrs. He has been sleeping a lot pretty much all day but that's what people do when they're sick. He's been medicated yet he still has the fever which I know is the body's natural way to fight off infection... but still the nagging feeling. I am a worrier by nature but I take parenting in stride surprisingly. I'd drive myself nuts if I worried about Aaron all the time. But I can't shake this feeling...

Mothering 101

My boy is sick. Anything that has to do with me gets put on the back burner.

It started yesterday in the car. He fell asleep in his car seat and pukes all over himself waking himself up. We pulled over and cleaned him up. He puked again while I was applying for a job, and Eric cleaned him up he was now down to nothing but a diaper. We dropped Eric back off at work, he pukes 2 minutes out from home. Home, bath, nap, strip car seat cover off(I love love love my car seat!!! The cover snaps off so easily!), wash car seat cover and pukey clothes.


Aaron threw up a few more times last night and finally held down some soy formula (as per the Dr.'s instructions) and some breast milk. At 1am he drank nothing but me and then puked it up all over me. It's been a long time since he puke on me. (I never thought I'd be using receiving blankets for him again; was I ever wrong.) He's been sleeping lots and he got the shits this morning poor baby. He has a little fever but is playing alternating with being miserable. He is breast feeding and drinking a few sips of fluids now and then. No puking since 1am. Fingers crossed. He ate 2 or 3 pieces of bananas for lunch and that's about it. I hope he feels better soon. Lots of cuddles going on here from mommy, daddy and grandpa. All of his bedding had to be washed today along with his *crib bumpers, mattress and crib. The water proof pad didn't do it job as it doesn't go to the very edge of his bed and he he likes to sleep in the corners. He has had bath and his hair still smells like vomit and baby shampoo. It's an interesting combo.

*We didn't start using crib bumpers until Aaron was about 10 months I never intended to use them but he would wake himself up constantly by bumping his head into the bars and after a few nights of this we broke them out. Problem solved.

I'm tired

Ugh. I have so many random thoughts going through my mind this morning. It's 8:19. The Boy is feeding himself breakfast while I should be getting ready for playgroup. We haven't been going to it long but I like it and enjoy the interaction of the other moms. (Read Bitch fest)

I feel that something is missing from my life. I don't know what... Eric got home last week. His homecoming didn't go so bad. But he seems different some how yet I don't know what it is. He seems more angry with me, short to say the least. I fdon't like to argue nobody comes out of it feeling good. We disagree on how to put Aaron to bed. He cried in his crib last night for 30 min from 9-9:30. He just wasn't tired. Bedtime is bedtime. But it is also light out until 10pm which has messed with my baby's sleeping patterns. I have put tinfoil on his window. (Now our neighbour thinks we're running a meth lab, I kid you not.) I think one of the reasons he was fighting sleep last night as he he didn't get any real playtime in last night while I had class (I am taking a typing course to get my speed up to 50 net WPM. Hahaha. That is so wishful thinking on my part.) and he is at an age where playing by himself won't cut it. He needs to be engaged. I ended up giving him a bath for a good 45 minutes and I ended up getting in with him and just playing with him. I don't know what is up.

Someting is missing. I need a "thing" for me. I am trying to find p/t work but I may need to go f/t but I don't see the point when I will be going to school in the fall and have to quit. I can handle working p/t being a mom and going to school p/t. I can't handle working f/t and the rest. Well I need to splash some cold water in my face and throw my hair back in a pony tail and get us to play group.

I Hate Jon and Kate

Since this this a day of ranting, I might as well get this one off my chest too. I find Jon & Kate annoying. It's not their kids or the fact that they have a large family or even that they have their own reality TV show... It's them as a couple. I hate how Kate always finishes Jon's sentences for him or cuts him off. I do not make it a point to watch Jon & Kate Plus 8 and I hate it when TLC runs a Jon and Kate Plus 8 marathon. I despise this. I love TLC, I love most of their programs but not this one. I like 18 Kids and Counting. I find the Duggars views refreshing and wholesome. I was raised in a Christian home and I share a lot of their views. I am not as conservative as them nor do I live life as a perfect Christian (far from it) but I like their show.

I am sick of seeing Jon & Kate on the cover of every tabloid, hearing about them on the radio and seeing them on every entertainment news show. I've never cared for them, and do so even less now. I'd like them left to their reality show and not have to see them everywhere I go.

Another Rant

Eric is getting home today. He has been away for the last 3 weeks on course. It's just been Aaron and I on our own. I have to admit that I don't mind it. I've been looking forward to Eric's homecoming for days now and was really excited. Key word here WAS. I am not so thrilled anymore.

He can say or do one little thing and it turns me right off. I am on Facebook, I have been for 2 years. I have over 200 friends, I try to keep things light and impersonal and I am not one to air my dirty laundry on my status. My status as of last night was to the effect of "Excited about Eric’s homecoming..." On the new FB your friend's can leave comments. Eric left the comment "make sure all the men are outta the house b4 I get home." This pisses me off. (My profile lists me as engaged to Eric) I have my FB set up so I get a text message whenever someone leaves me a msg, comments on my status etc. I get this text at 2am when Aaron woke me up to nurse. I was less than thrilled. I've told Eric before that I find inappropriate comments from him annoying, it hurts me and I think it shows a lack of disrespect for me, even though he is joking.

He has an odd sense of humour and I've always loved that about him; but not as of late. He can joke around however he wants with his friends, buddies or co-workers. He is in the navy, I get this. I am not a prude. I happen to think it's inappropriate to interact with me. He knows this. I sent him a text message to let him know this. His response? "Meh." I'd call him but he was 4 time zones away and is flying across the country today. Here I am making sure the house is clean and I've been working on a surprise for him for the last week. I am not going to reveal it here as I am not sure if he reads this or not.

He will be home in a bout 4 hours. Aaron and I have an appointment when his flight arrives so we can't pick him up. (It's a specialist it took me months to get in.) I intended to shave, do my hair and make up and have the laundry done. Why should I? This is what's going on in my head right now. The more I think about it the angrier I get. His home coming will go one of two ways 1) Like nothing happened and I will say nothing and suppress my anger over this; or 2) i will bring it up, he will have one word answers to the effect of "I was only joking, it's not a big deal" because he knows he is in the wrong and it will blow up into a fight. I am not into picking a fight or sitting around with my anger suppressed.

Presently, I am tired and annoyed. I am not looking forward to him coming home at all. I've had friends ask me about the comments he makes on my Facebook and it really got me to thinking. He knows this bothers me. When he is around he will make little comments jokingly like "your fat", "your ugly" "If you'd lose some weight" I am not fat, i feel good in my skin most of the time I have a pretty good self image of myself, I am 10 lbs under my pregnancy weight I just want to be super fit to point where I have a washboard stomach which I know I can do, if I work at it; which I need the motivation for. I know he is joking, I know he finds me attractive. But I don’t' get this sense of humor he has with me? I don't like it. I think it is an inappropriate way to act towards the mother of your child, wife, girlfriend, fiancé etc. I think it shows a bad example for Aaron and will confuse him on how he is to treat women.

I don’t;' know how to convey this without being a tyrant. As with most ment you have to repeat yourself then turn into a nag to get things done. I am fed up. I don't know how to approach this. If he apologizes without me prompting him I'll feel so much better. When he sees me this afternoon the first thing he will want to do is see Aaron. Second; rip my clothes off. This is the farthest thing from my mind, yet until to in the morning it was all I could think about. I am going to try to be in a good mood but all I want to do is cry. I'll still do the laundry and shave my legs. But that's all I can commit too.

I had written another paragraph until Aaron turned off the PC while I was editing my post in Word. It’s time to go play with my son and get the chores done.

PS- Aaron and I were off in Vancouver visiting my dad and took a side trip up to the Okanagan to see family and friends. Everything is good. Just tired and settling back in.

How to get Telemarketers to take You off Their List...

Tell them that the decision maker of the house it deployed to Afghanistan. They get really quiet and uncomfortable and say "Oh..." I had such an experience this afternoon. It's white lie as the "decision maker" will be in Afghanistan; but not for 7 months.

Calling all Mom's.

It's gone it's gone it's GONE! - Aaron's ear infection that is. The poor guy had an ear infection for a month! He was on 3 different types of anti-biotics. He's got an appointment with and ENT in a few weeks. He may need tubes in his ears. Although I', not crazy about this, it may need to be done. I am going to look into a more holistic approach before I let anyone put tubes in his ears. One mom at a playgroup we went to suggested that I dry his ear out with a hair dryer after his baths... I can see that going over well with him! He has a fear of dryers. Maybe if I out it on low and make a game of it it can work. Any advice out there for the ear infections???

In other news Eric has been gone for the last week. He won't be back for another 2 weeks. It has been just Aaron and I and I kinda like it. I miss Eric, but we get to do more as we have the car. Hence the playgroup we've been to 2X in the last week. It's only a few blocks away and I know that i can walk but 9am is early for me if Aaron had a rough night. I still catch a nap when he does sometimes. Yesterday was long. I was up at 6am as I had a test to write for a job so I had to have Aaron up at 6:30 and drop him off at my friends. He did well and didn't cry once. being up so early sure makes me see my day in a different light. By 4:30 I was done.

Aaron was/is rather cranky today... I think he is cutting a tooth. He is also so close to walking... it's only a matter of when. Well I think that I am going to catch a snooze while he's down even though I have 4 loads of laundry to fold and put away and a bathroom to clean... it can wait.

Where have I been?

I've been here, life has just gotten in the way. I've been busy, busy, busy. I have my final exam on Saturday for my MT course. I am much less freaked out about it than I was my midterm as I got 81% ON it not too bad seeing how I 'crammed' a few days prior to it. And of course I am following suit to that this time around today. I need to haul ass as I need a minimum of 75% to get into the program I plan on enrolling in for this September. Speaking of which, I went to an info session for it abnd I have hope that I will get in. I need to increase my typing speed to 50 net WPM; which it is no where near! I have no idea what my WPM is. I am going to be enrolling in a keyboarding course very soon.

We had Aaron's birthday party over Easter weekend which was a success! That damn dinosaur cake will be the death of me! I don't know what posessed me to do something so invloved? Aaron isn't even at the age where he is asking me for a theme cake/party. I am setting the bar high for myself... Next year the cake will be on a much smaller scale. By then I hope to have banged off some cake decorating courses that I need to find time for.

Last week i got a lot of gym time in. I am proud of myself. If I want to see results I need to get on it. I went to the gym 3 days in row, did a Bikrams Yoga class (that is endurance training OMG) and a 10K walk around a lake. This was int he course of 5 days. I haven't had time to dedicate to working out this week with the studying. But I managed to get a jog/walk in with the jogging stroller. I have been adhearing to a good meal plan. and I have lost 3 lbs. Not much, but i am starting to notice a difference.

I've been trying different recipes and i found a raw vegan carrot soup recipe and OMG is it good! I halfed it as I only made it for myself, omitted the cummin as I didn't have any and subsituted lime for lemon as that's all I had. When i first tasted it, it left me wanting more and I realized that I forgot salt and pepper. Did the salt ever make a difference! That's what it needed. The pepper not so much as as there is cayenne pepper in it. It left me wanting more and hungry! It was so good I wanted to scrape down the side of the blender with a spatula! I still can't bring myself to rinse the blender out. I'll be making this again very soon. I have been making a few different vegan soups. I am not vegan, but I love the food none the less. Vegan food is so healthy and tasty. Which is good for my healthier life style. I lik this Potato and Leak soup recipe that I found on Emily's blog

I can't wait to try more recipes on http://goneraw.com

Something new

Aaron has learned something new. No he isn't walking yet - that will be In the weeks to come. He has learned how to bite, not only has he learned how to bite but he likes to bite me. How does one handle this? He has bit me before while nursing but I don't think it was intentional. He has also come up to me while I am preparing stuff at the counter and bit my leg, and I yelped out in pain and he cried because i scared him and he fell to his bum. Today he bit my arms twice while I was holding him. Both times I said "Ouch" loudly as if I was in pain (it did hurt) and said "Don't bite it hurts mommy." Both times his little lips puckered up and he cried. Oh the tears! I think I scared him when I say ouch/ow which I am trying to teach him that it hurts me so he doesn't do it. He tried to do it a third time, and I said "Don't bite mommy" and he stopped.

I am not sure if this behavior is intentional or not. He likes to chew on things as he is teething but my arm isn't an appropriate object to gnaw on. He is starting to test Eric and I when we say no. He'll look at us, and the object that he isn't suppose to touch then go for it. I am a firm believer in positive reinforcement, but I don't believe it is good to ignore the bad behavior. It needs to be addressed 100% of the time... My way of dealing with it now is to pick him up and take away from said object over and over and try to distract him. Lights have been a fascination of his for as long as I can remember. Now to get him to stop going for the lamps...

Seriously Annoyed

I am in Vancouver for the weekend for Aaron's birthday party. While here I thought I would take advantage of the fact that I have many willing people to watch Aaron and I thought I'd get my hair cut as I haven't been able to find a good stylist I like on the Island. So I made an appointment and ask a girlfriend 4 days ago to watch him at the mall while I got my hair cut. She agreed. Lets call her Sarah. Sarah just loves Aaron to bits and always wants to see him when were over. She was quite excited to push him around the mall for an hour and play with him while I got my hair cut.

At 12:50am this morning I get a text message saying she can't watch him as she has an job interview! WTF? It's a Good Friday (A stat holiday here in Canada) Who has a job interview on a stat? I called her and she said "remember that job I told you about?" Um no I don't. She said she go an email for it with no phone contact and she tried to re-arrange it but they never got back to her. I am a mother which means I have to arrange child care in advance. I may like to fly by the seat of my pants and be spontaneous but NOT WITH CHILD CARE! I plan these things very carefully. Needless to say I am annoyed to shit. Thankfully, an old neighbour agreed to watch him for an hour while I get my hair cut. Which is great but not for Aaron as he doesn't know her and he will freak out the entire time. My dad is working which is why he can't watch Aaronm and most of my childless friends are probably sleeping off hangovers being a stat. This just reinforces that you can't rely on anybody but yourself. This is why i keep an anonymous blog. So I can vent about such things! BAH!

Spring Has Sprung

Spring has sprung here on the West Coast and I thought I'd get into the swing of spring by entering my photo into Lori's Blue Ribbon Photos, Photography Contest over at A Cowboy's Wife.

"Scarlet"



This is a picture of one of the lovely flowers that one of my mom friend's brought to me at Aaron's birthday party over the weekend. She is Romanian and it is their tradition to give the mother flowers on her child's birthday to signify the mother's "birthday" too.

Sick and Tired

*Advice needed*

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired! Last week around my birthday Aaron was teething and had a pretty high fever. Yet no teeth popped through and he never had an ear infection. We had 2 1/2 nights of hell and as a result I got worn down and got a sore throat, aches and pains and a snotty head cold which isn't unusual pour moi. I thought some R&R and plenty of fluids would cure me. Nope. So I caved after and after a week and a half of nonsense I went to the doctor. Antibiotics it is. The dr. said I had a red throat (WTF does that mean) and he didn't swab it until I made him. I know I have a sinus infection but if I have strep I want to know. For all I know Aaron has it too.

Onto Aaron now. On his birthday I had to cart him to the local walk-in clinic as I noticed a pussy eye. He has cunjuntivitis aka pink eye. I have no idea where he got it. We haven't been around other kids with the exception of the play area on the ferry. This blows. I can't have him around other kids. We have 2 birthday party's this weekend. A friend's and his own! *Calling all parents or care givers to small children* Does anyone know how to put eye oinment in a baby's eye? The dr. said to pull down his lower lid and put it in. Easier said than done. As in not.freakin.possible. I have to put it on my finger and sorta rub it thru his eyes lashes as he closes his eye and starts to cry. I wonder how long this wll last for?

Aaron also had a cold to boot. A runny snotty nose and coughinhg. I guess it back to the doctor's. He knows when we go there now he will be poked and proded and cries. he will scream when the doctor comes into the examing room. Sorry bud!

One year Ago Today...

I was hooked up to pitocin to induce labour. I hadn't asked for the drugs yet and was dealing with the contractions with a TENS machine. They weren't too bad yet.

The Boy

At this very moment I should be on plane to Vegas. Instead I am siting at home with a kitchen and bathroom waiting to be cleaned. I made the decision to not go to Vegas 6 weeks ago based on a rough night my dad had with The Boy. I felt that he wasn't quite ready for me to eave him for 4 nights. I went back and forth over my decision and in the end I know I made the right one. My baby has been sick this week. He had a fever 39.5 C the other night and I still don't know why. Had I booked my ticket I wouldn't have been going. I wouldn't have felt right leaving him.

I still do not know why he he had such a high fever. I took him to the walk-in cinic last night and the doctor said that fevers that high generally are not from teething but usually an ear infection, which Aaron doesn't have. He though that maybe Aaron may have Baby Measles and if he does he should be getting a rash today which so far he hasn't. I am really curious as to what caused his fever. His immunizations are up to date. Maybe it will remain a mystery. He hardly ate or drank anything at all yesterday. He only nursed. He did have some toast and a bottle before bed which means he is back on track. He was up 2 times to feed last night. Which is good he went ot bed at 830pm and got up at 830am.

Eric and I are leaving him for a night with my dad but we will be in the city within 20 minutes of home if Aaron needs me.

In other Aaron news, the public health nurse stopped by yesterday and dropped off a questionnaire for us to fill out. Some of the stuff we need to try with him. Some of the stuff he does. Some he doesn't I think I was right to be a little concerned. In the communication section out of the 6 questions he only does one. There are three possible answers; yes, sometimes and not yet. He scored yes to one and not yet to 5. He does almost everything in the fine motor skills and problem solving sections. He will find something if you hide it under a blanket, and will drop toys into a box. He doesn't point at things, he doesn't have any other words for objects like "baba" for bottle or something for the cat. I am concerned about this. I have been trying to tech him "kitty" or some form of it for months. He also won't let us hold his hands and walk he buckles his legs yet he walks along furniture fine. I am going to try some of this stuff with him over the next few days as he gets better. He seems interested in trying to scribble on a piece of paper when I do it. But he can get distracted so easily.

He doesn't watch a lot of TV. I don't have it on often during the day and if I do its more background noise. I did throw it on Treehouse the other day and I think Sesame Street or something like that was on it had Elmo something or another and did that ever have his attention. Elmo was talking all about bananas and he liked that. Maybe I should let him watch that 10-15 min segment every few days. He also seems to like to TV listings channel. As it will often get put on and we end up leaving it on. I think for the time being, I am going to work on "na na" for banana as he eats them almost daily.

Well I must be off. I have cleaning that must be done.

Wordy Wednesday

I am beyond pissed. If you’re looking for light and fluffy today I am sorry to disappoint you. This is a vent session so hold on to your pants.

I am pissed off at my dear fiancé Eric. I have had 2 consecutive nights of little or no sleep/ Last night I only got on consecutive hour of sleep from 11:00 - 12:22am. I had a baby who is teething; which is a recipe for no sleep. His highest temp last night was 39.4 or 39.5 degrees Celsius which converts to 102.9 or 103.1 degrees Fahrenheit. When I called the nurses line they recommend that I take Aaron to emergency but I decided not to as he wasn't having seizures or having any difficulty breathing. He was hydrated and nursing and having regular wet diapers. We have a doctors appointment today so I didn't see the point and I did get is fever down.

I get that having a child is going to make for many sleepless nights. I know this. But what I didn't know is that when shit hits the fan I'd be dealing with it by myself pretty much. I didn't sign up to be a single parent when Eric and I decided to breed. Sometimes I figure I might as well have. Eric is in the military. When he deploys, I will be a single parent. I am prepared for this. I don't have a single family member on this Island that I can ask get help from at 12:30am. We have no one but each other; which is part of military life.

When we lived in military housing for the most part you make friends and help each other out. The people living around us were idiots who didn't know the meaning of the word supervise. I have a friend who lived down the street from me at our old place. The only problem was that we became friends right as I was moving and I now live half an hour away. No problem if you have a car but I took mine off the road. Being that we essentially have no one to help us out I expect Eric to step it up a notch now and then. He is ashore for the time being. He gets to sit in an office all day. He does the 9-5 Monday to Friday thing. Part of his workload is PT (physical training) 3X per week. He doesn't like this. He is tall and skinny and doesn't have an ounce of body fat. This doesn't mean that he is fit. Or just because he can pound back the McDonald's doesn't mean he can't have a heart attack before he is 30.

Back to the PT. Lately he has been ducking out early from PT and it hasn't gone unnoticed. His bosses are decent beings if there is a family issue he can take a day off. But he doesn't want to today because last week his boss noticed how many "appointments" he has had on PT days. I had a rough night last night, we all did. I didn't get more than 40 minutes of sleep at once after mid night. I had a baby to calm, nurse, cuddle, rock etc. Aaron wouldn't let Eric help him he only wanted me. He literally will push himself out of Eric's arms to get away from him if he doesn't want to be held. Eric is a good dad. He is attentive and plays well with Aaron. But he isn't me. If he hadn't been so freaking lazy with the PT, he could be home now playing with his son while I got a couple hours of sleep. If I lived in Vancouver I have my dad and my aunt who can't get enough of Aaron. They'd be over in a heartbeat if work didn't interfere. I don't have that here. And I need this. Eric isn't cutting it. This isn't the 1st time he has been an ass with regards to Aaron's care.

When I had my midterm and was studying my ass off at the library the morning of my midterm he bitched about getting up with the baby when all I wanted was to sleep in until 7am! He said I took my course to get out of the house. It's ONLINE! I leave the house so I can concentrate! A few weeks ago I got really excited and thought about taking an LPN course and then upgrading to my RN a few years down the road. The first thing he did was shoot my idea down and told me I had 7 years to go to school when I lived at home. This wasn't what I had expected. Maybe my idea was rash but it was an idea, I wasn't about to register. He could've said to me "Siera you have a great idea but the timing isn't right." This put a damper on us for a few days. I told him I have thought of leaving him because he can be so emotionally unsupportive. This didn't faze him. Or gave the impression it didn’t I know him well. He can be a robot at times, projecting to he emotionless which I can see past.

I need to get some sort of education for Aaron's sake. I don't want to work in an office any more. I want a job in health care which means stability in this economy. I am going to take a unit clerk course and maybe go back and get my RN when Aaron is school aged; With or without Eric. I love him and he is a good man. He is good to me, he treats me well, and he supports me. But he can be a very selfish at obtuse at times.

Take yesterday for example. It was my birthday. He got off early. Not because it was my birthday but because he has to do an extra shift in a few weeks. Did he even think that I might like to go out to lunch? No. Did I get a card? No. Flowers? Yes; but AFTER I hinted about a corner store that sells flowers at a decent priced and not an overpriced flower shop down the street.

Were suppose to get a hotel for the night Friday and my dad is going to look after Aaron. I haven’t booked it. I shouldn’t have to! He should. I don’t know how he can go from being attentive loving boyfriend to a senseless fiancé. I can’t wait to see what marriage has in store for us; if it ever happens.

I really don't know what the hell has happened to him. Two years ago for Valentines Day he sent me flowers when he was out at sea. A dozen red roses! They weren't cheap. Two years ago for my birthday he took me to Seattle shopping for a weekend. Which you can read about here That wasn't cheap. Just because I am a mom doesn't mean that my birthday shouldn't become just another day. A card, cheap flowers sure. I am easy please. Lunch at an inexpensive restaurant; even better. I don't feel valued. This PT bullshit is just the icing on the cake. If he did his job as is it required of he could take time off when I need him. Aaron is fine, happy and playing. I don't see how as he didn't sleep much last night but he is. Eric couldn't even be bothered to take him for a car ride in the middle of the night for me. I did. I drove around for 40 minutes trying to get my son to sleep while DF got to sleep. And he never fell asleep! Aaron that is. I tried co-sleeping, nursing, singing rubbing head and back. I finally rocked him to sleep in my arms and we slept in the guest bed together when he woke up 40 minutes later.

I think I have vented enough for the moment. I have coffee to make and a baby to play with.

*Update* After going to the doctor today there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with Aaron in addition to the teething except his right ear in concentrated. What the hell does that mean? According my doctor Aaron doesn't have an ear infection and doesn't need antibiotics. I know my Dr. doesn't like to prescribed antibiotics for ear infections but another dr. at the walk-in clinic said you shoud treat any child under 24 months that has one. If we have another night like last night I am getting another opinion. I've had 2 people tell me that a baby doesn't get a fever of 39.5 C (103 F) from teething. One was the nurse on the phone... Aaron hasn't spiked a fever today but he hasn't been eating or drinking much anf is miserble most of the time. My poor baby.

Happy Birthday To Me

It has been an eventful day, birthday or not! Aaron woke up at 5:45am and was up again at 6:15am. This wasn't too bad as we needed to get up early to drive Eric to work BUT Eric doesn't get up until 7am! Thankfully he fell asleep in the car on the way home and stayed sleeping in his car seat until 9:15am (He is still in his Graco Infant Safe Seat which is good up to 30 lbs) which means I got to sleep in! I didn't sleep very well last night. But we got through the day is was busy complete with a play group and trip to the mall.

All hell broke lose when Eric left for school tonight. Aaron is cutting a tooth and had a tiny fever of 37.5 C during the day and it went up to 38.5 Celsius after Eric left for school. Needless to say he wasn't too happy when I decided to give him a luke warm bath. After some crying and some Infants Motrin and a breast feed he napped for an hour and half. After his nap he seemed in better spirits. He still had a fever but was playing and eating a bit.

It has just been a busy day. I have had constant phone calls, and Facebook messages which sends a text message to my cell so I've go go go all day.

I do have a post to do on the Yummie Tummie as promised. I gave it a test run when I was in Vancouver. A post and pictures to follow.

All in all it seemed like a regular day. Now that I am a mommy, my birthday doesn't hold that much importance to me. It's all about Aaron. His birthday is next Wednesday my little April Fools Day baby will 1!

A Letter to my Body

Dear Body:

I have a bone to pick with you. You’re not holding up on your end of the bargain. Remember the discussion we had? I was going to exercise and make healthy choices with regards to food and you were going to stop getting sick and weak on me. Now what’s with the latest ailment you trouble me with? A clogged milk duct, are you serious? Now I know when we’ve had clogged ducts before that was of my doing. I constricted the girls in too many sports bras when exercising or wore too tight a top when going out and dancing for hours on end. But this clogged milk duct isn’t justified. I didn’t over do it, when I went to the gym I only wore one sports bar and frankly the girls moved a little too much for my liking, I felt that I stretched them to my knees while I was on the treadmill. So what gives? What are you trying to tell me? You don’t like being worked out having your muscles contracted and stretched repeatedly? I only go to the gym about three times per week sometimes four. I’ve cut out trans fat, extra fat, soda pop, and a lot of other foods that I like. Like cheese, I hardly EVER eat cheese so what do I need to do to appease you? Do I need to cut out the red meats, raw fruits and veggies, dairy and caffeine? I know all of these things aren’t good for the IBS but come on I’ve been good to you. Can you please cooperate so I can go the gym and have energy to get through the day without a nap?

Now you and I were headed off to Vancouver to go to a Canucks game tomorrow night and out for my birthday Friday night with Eric and some friends. I’ve been good to you. Can you please be good to me for the next 3 days? I know that’s a lot to ask when allergy season is underway but I will medicate you when necessary. (Even though the allergist says we don’t have allergies, you and I both know that absolute crap! Because every year come March they start and go until mid summer. No matter how many different nasal sprays I cram in you it’s not enough.) I don’t have a lot of friends in Victoria and my going to Vancouver is my time to get my fill in of a social life. Be easy on me, and I’ll be easy on you. Though I can’t make any promises for Friday night, and I expect you to not take it easy on me Saturday morning. I understand the tit for tat business. But you don’t seem to. So I beg you please get your shit together for the next few days.

Sincerely,
Siera

Regression

I am a tad concerned about Aaron's development. He babbles all the time, he says mama and Dada. He has since he was about 8.5 months old. I don't know if he has any association yet. He knows his name, he has since he was 4 or 5 months old. If you said his name while he was playing on the floor he would turn around and look at you.

I know all babies develop at different levels and I'm not comparing him to anyone. He just seems to have regressed in the last week. For the longest time if I said said "yay" in a fun tone he would stop and clap his hands as we taught him this. Now he doesn't do this. Last week he learned how to wave. I've been trying to teach now him this for sometime. He waved to a stranger on the bus by folding his hand in half. I was so proud. When we met up with my friend and her daughter for lunch he waved at her. He waved at Daddy when we got home. Now he doesn't wave and he doesn't clap. The night that I showed Eric how he waved he got a little confused and and half clapped/waved. it was so cute. But now he won't do either. I don't know if he is bored of this as it isn't fun or he forgot. We have his 12 month check-up at the doctor's next week and I'll bring it up. I think I'll call the public health nurse to see if this is normal.

Don't Judge Me

This was originally going to be a post about my weekend in a nutshell. But this changed after I read Helen's post over at Every Day Stranger.

My weekend was busy but I feel like I accomplished a lot. I had a friend come visit me from the mainland and I got to the gym twice. All while I managed to mother, cook dinner, go see a movie with my friend (We saw Revolutionary Road, I don't recommend it), go out for appies, getting home at 1am and getting up multiple times with Aaron.

So yesterday Aaron had his first ever Happy Meal at McDonald's. *GASP* Call Social Services I am the worst mother in the world. This isn't his usual fare. At the moment he is picky as hell and teething and doesn't have much of an appetite. I had to drive my friend to the ferry and Eric hadn't fed him lunch before putting him down for a nap. And it was lunch time. I didn't think he would make it back home for lunch so I racked my brain as to what I could feed him that he would you know actually eat. Grilled cheese sandwiches are a hit and so are fries. Therefore I made the executive mommy decision to feed my 11.5-month-old son McDonald's. And it meant I also got to pick at his fries because my small fry can't eat a whole small fries to himself. Thus satisfying my craving for McDonald's French fries and not having to order some myself. (Which doesn't bode well with he whole weight loss thing/healthy eating thing.) So we sat at McDonald's and I ripped up his grilled cheese and fries into bite size pieces and we sat there for a good hour while he fed himself. I also got myself a strawberry sundae and shared it with him. *Oh my*


Aaron didn't eat more probably more than half of his Happy Meal but he ate. I also got him apple juice for his drink. For the most part Aaron eats healthy food. Right now feeding time has become a bit of a challenge. He likes to feed himself and rarely will let us spoon feed him. So bite size pieces it is. Its frustrating meal times it takes forever it seems. But it is just one aspect of parenthood I just have to chug on through. My son is an independent lad and I don't want to crush this in him. He likes to do things his himself. I let him spoon feed himself stuff that will stick to the spoon. It is so cute to watch him put the spoon in his mouth upside down and sort of suck the contents off and he will proceed to the chew on it. As a parent I need to pick my battles meal time isn't one I want to battle. I wish it was simple. In my mind it's a simple concept. If your hungry, your eat. This isn't so with a baby/toddler. I don't want my son to resent meal time and not look forward to it. So we praise him lots. I don’t' want meal time to be a game either and have a 3 year old that needs to have meal time be "fun" all the time. I think we'll get meal time down with a positive attitude and patience.

For the most part of Aaron eats healthy nutritious meals. A grilled cheese sandwich in our house is served on whole grain bread with cheddar cheese. Being that he is teething and picky it’s challenging as to what to feed him. He likes cheese, toast and bananas. Some days that’s all he will eat. He also likes yogurt seemingly of any variety. It can be flavored or plain, sweet or tart. He likes my yogurt but I typically eat fat free yogurts which he shouldn’t be having. I give him full fat yogurts as he needs the fat for his development. Today to trick into eating I made him “mommy’s” yogurt. I mixed in some frozen berries with his plain yogurt which was sour as hell, but it was pink like mine and in the same bowel, so he ate it. He does get natural sugar in fruits and fruit juice which he doesn’t get much of. I am not a sugar Nazi but I don’t feed him crap like Fruitopia and Kool-Aid ( I am sure one day I will.) Sugar is a treat. When I bake I let him like the icing off of the beater and he doest like this. Doest he ever protest when you take his precious beater away from him.

Back to battles, one battle that I am picking is diaper changing time. He hates it. As soon as I lay him on the change table he freaks out. He doesn't do this with Eric; only me. I try singing to him, or blowing raspberries on his tummy but that can't go on for the whole change. It's so bad that I have to pin him down or strap him onto the change pad. This is frustrating. When you have a child they control your life in one sense or another forever. The trick is to not let them know this.

I think part of parenting it to repeat what your parents did as that's what you grew up with and what was emulated to you. My dad let me walk all over him and let me get away with murder. My mom ruled with an iron fist and was too harsh on us. I don't want to be either. I don't want to be a push over or have Aaron fear me. I don't want him thinking he is going to get the spanking of his life if he screws up. That’s how my mother raised us. Thank God my dad raised me from the time I was six-years-old. I just wish he had laid the law down more. It's balancing act. I want my son to respect me and listen to me. I don't want him to be the kid in the grocery store freaking out at the check out because I say no to the candy bar. But I don't know how to do this and this scares me. All I know is my parents. Sometimes I feel like the world’s biggest softie with Aaron, then the biggest meanie the next. I'll figure it out, I just don't know how.

Well this is a wrap my busy weekend has left me tired and with a clogged milk duct.

Look What New Food I Found

Aaron is sporting a nice rash at the moment. When he does I let him roam around naked to air out. This isn't uncommon in our household. Yes, I am aware that there will be accidents but we have hardwood floor that is as old as dirt (read as old as this house which is 40 to 50+ years old) and accidents aren't anything that can't be cleaned up. Tonight we were letting Aaron air out after his bath and Eric walks into the living room where Aaron is standing an playing and says to me "Does that look like poo?" Our living room was poorly lit at the time. I walked in and I said "yup its poop." It was decided I would clean Aaron up, diaper + dress him and Eric would clean the mess on the floor. *Warning* If you're easily grossed out or have a weak stomach STOP READING NOW.

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As I was cleaning Aaron up, which I thought to be poop on his bum and the bottom of his feet (as he had been standing in it) I noticed the smell was still lingering after I slathered him is Desitin which is quite fragrant and masks the poopy smell that lingers when using unsecented wipes as we do, when I looked under his neck and saw a brown orange chunk. I then looked at his hands and I saw the tell tale brown smears and it dawned on me that what suspected was true; Aaron had discovered a new source of nourishment. Yes my son is closer to a monkey than I thought. He eats his own poop. Naked time will now be closely monitored. I just hope he doesn't figure out how to take off his diaper.

No Queer Eye For This Straight Gurl

I like to the gym. I like going to the gym for many reasons. I get time to myself, I can listen to cheesy 80's music on my ipod and no one cares. I can ponder the meaning of life. Most of the time after a good cardio session I feel good about myself and I have more energy. A big bonus about going to the gym is that it's okay for me the check out other guys. Admit it, you do to. The only problem I have is that the gym that I go to has a healthy gay community. Which is great, it just means that the guy I'm checking out in the free weight area may not reciprocate the checking out. Usually my gaydar is pretty good. But then again most of my contact with gay people has been in the work place where I find it quite easy to get to know people especially in close quarters; which isn't the case at the gym. *Sigh* I just want to fully enjoy fine specimen of men at the gym.

This brings me to my next point. If you're anything like me, as a female I'm preprogrammed to constantly compare.myself.to.other.females. When I'm in the cardio room I'll be looking around thinking she's more toned/tanned/fit/muscular/prettier/flabbier/has a firmer ass/ than me. Being that my gym has a healthy gay community I don't know if the chick I am inadvertently comparing myself to is (a) gay and thinking I'm checking her out or (b) which is even more awkward is she's straight and thinks I'm gay and checking her out. I guess common gym etiquette would be to keep my eyes to myself. At least that's what I do in the change room.

A Pleasant Surprise...

When I went to my blog and all of the blogs on my blog reader have been updated in the last 24 hours! Woot! I've got some good reads tonight after aquafit. Now I am off to apply for a waitressing job. Wish me luck. Muaw!

Monday Measurements

I hereby bring the promised measurements and a follow up photo 3 weeks late. I'm sorry i haven't been working out as much as I'd like I go for a 3 day stint then feel crappy, lather, rinse repeat. I did get to meet with a personal trainer today and I got some accurate measurements. Yay! I don't know if the pic shows otherwise. You can decide. I don't feel any different or less toned. The plan is to work my butt off and reward myself with a nice pair of jeans when I reach my ideal fitness level. My measurements are as follows which were taken today.

Waist: 31 1/4
Calves: 12 3/4
Arms: 10 3/4
Hips: 36
Chest 34 1/4 (Top of chest underneath arms)
Thighs: 19
Shoulders: 39 3/4

All measurements are in inches.



My blue sports bra is in the was so I popped ona tankini... and the workout capris are to small. : ( They're from my pre-baby days.

Wordless Thursday

I present to you "Steggy"

This is the trial run I did of the cake I want to make for Aaron's 1st Birthday. This is the first time that I have ever attempted to bake anything this involved. Overall it I would say it is a success but a sloppy success. Next time I will do a few things differently. 1) I'll use a bigger surface for making the cake so it doesn't have to be on an angle and there will be more room between the tail on the body (I couldn't pipe stars on the inside of the tail); 2) I will curve the tail more and have the legs farther a part (get your head out of the gutter) piping the frosting on in such close quarters was cramped; 3) I'll use smaller tip I find the piping of the stars to be quite sloppy; 4) I'll make the eyes bigger and use black instead of blue and make sure they stick out more they're kind of sunken it and make the nostrils black too. It doesn't look anything like this cake which was my inspiration but I plan on trying again before his party.

Today is Sunday...

...and I feel anxious. I don't know what exactly lead to this, but Eric, Aaron and I were grocery shopping and I started to feel hot and light headed out of no where. I have officially been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder while I was under the care of a shrink for my PPD. I am not surprised, I have always been a worrier. I am pretty sure I inherited this from my grandma along with her looks. I am very much like her. Even down to my love for rum and cokes and any type of dip. The cheesier the better.

I was a talking to a friend who suffers from depression and anxiety on a greater scale than myself and she suggested I get anti-anxiety medicine. It happens so rarely that I feel like this that I don't think that it is necessary. I am human after all. I might chalk it up to Aaron having fits (read tantrums) when he doesn't get his way and getting dressed always involves screaming, twisting, turning and fighting. Diaper changers aren't much better. And the fact that I went to bed at 11:30pm last night was up 2-3 times with Aaron and up for the day with him at 6:30am. (Eric let me sleep in yesterday, today was his day.) The sleeping in until 9am thing was short lived. I am planning on going to bed shortly after writing this post.

After we got home from shopping I had lunch and relaxed a little and went out again with Aaron to Costco and Super Store. The entire freezer section of Costco was blocked off. WTF? I went there for 3 things: frozen berries, diaper wipes and cheerios. Needless to say I didn't get berries. I did get them at Super Store. I am a smoothie junkie will be even more so after purchasing my protein powder after some more research.

I am regretting my decision to not go to Vegas. I know I need it and deserve it. But I don't know if Aaron in ready to be left. Eric and I decided to start feeding him adult food more so than baby food as he is very keen on feeding himself. We did this with dinner tonight he had carrots, potato's and a little pork. He ate most of it. I spoon fed him mashed potatoes off of my plate as he always wants what we have. I don't know how to break it to him that isn't quite ready for lettuce yet. He needs a few more teeth 2 just won't cut it. No pun intended. I cute up half a pear for dessert and he ate most of it out of my hand. I looked into what to feed a 1 year old. (My baby is 11 months today!!!!)And I will use it as a guideline. I will not feed him more than 2 cups of homo milk a day as a 1-year-old doesn't need more than 2 cups of milk as it has the right amount of calcium. I am still breast feeding him. I don't want to wean him completely but scale back the daily feedings. Feeding Aaron has become more positive. We praise him when he feeds himself and doesn't fight us when we spoon feed him. If I say "Yay" in a certain tone he knows to clap his hands. It's so cute.

I think it is time to say good bye. Sleep is in my forecast.

"Don't Leave Me!"

This is what Aaron would scream if he could talk. Going to child minding at my gym hasn't been easy these past few days. The first few times I took him he handled it like a champ. The staff didn't even need to find me until after an hour and I would nurse him and go back to my work out. This is so not the case now.

I took a 2 week break from the gym as I was in Vancouver and then I got sick. When I dropped him off at child minding on Thursday he crawled towards the toys, I left and that was that. 20 minutes later I am being summoned to go back to him as he had been crying the entire time. This is a new cry. It's a scared cry. So I stayed with him and if I was across the room and not there, the crying would start. I am going to take him every day to get him used to it. I ended up taking him home to Daddy. Yesterday it was the same thing. I left for 10 minutes to get a bite to eat and he fussed but quieted down when I came back he heard my voice so I stayed and Eric came and picked him up... Today was much better. His nap was during child minding hours so I got him sleeping in his car seat and dropped him off. He did wake up and observed the other kids playing but fell back asleep. He didn't come out of his car seat once and seemed to do okay. Hopefully Monday will be better to.

We have entered the land of making strange people. This is new. If he meets someone new he literally will freak out even if Eric or I are within arms reach. He totally pushed himself off of one of Eric's friend's today. One who he's been fine with before. I really hope he doesn't start this with my dad. He absolutely loves my dad.

As I have been to the gym 3 times in 48 hours, I feel like I am going to die. I really need to tone. Aaron left me with love handles in addition to stretch marks. I can work away the love handles, not the stretch marks. With all this working out I have been thinking about protein shakes. I don't know if they're any good or if they work at all. But I tried one today and all I can say is me no like. Ick! I am contemplating buying some whey protein powder and making my own as I make a mean smoothie and if there was more smoothie vs. powder than the one I had today then maybe I won't be able to taste it. I did talk to a friend who aid they vanilla flavored kind isn't to bad. I think vanilla would be a great addition to any fruit smoothie... I was going to go El cheapo and buy the Wal-Mart brand but I guess you get what you pay for? I'll look into it. I will not be buying my powder from some speciality vitamin store that jacks up their prices. I will probably get some at Wal-Mart. Well I am tired. I am going to bed. Tomorrow I am am taking it easy and doing an aqaufit class. adios.

PS - I hope to have some measurements for Monday. Not this week but next I have a session with a trainer at the gym so I will have some accurate measurements

I am Begining to Like This...

Aaron has slept in until almost 9am for the last 2 days! Woot! I hope this lasts. Typically babies his age need 12 hours a night and bedtime is between 8-9pm. This doesn't mean he is sleeping through the night, but he is doing well. And it couldn't have happened at a better time because I did something out of the norm for me last night. I went to a friend's and watched a movie. All the way through. I didn't get home until 11:30pm! I haven't dome this since before I had Aaron.

I saw My Best Friend's Girl. Usually I find romantic comedies a bore, especially with Kate Hudson (does she ever do anything besides romantic comedies???)but this one was freakin hilarious. I recommend it.

Shape Wear

For awhile now I have been wanting to buy some shape wear. All of the stuff that I have tried on smooths out mu tummy but leaves a horrific ring of fat pushed up under my boobs which defeats the purpose! I can't wear anything tight over it.

I've come across the best idea any designer has ever come up with regarding shape wear. It is called Yummie Tummie and can be seen here My only concerns are: 1) My measurements have me all.over.the.place; and 2) Do they ship to Canada? They do not have Canada as a shipping option. There are a few stores in Vancouver that sell them which I can go to the next I am over, but I would rather just by it online.

I want to buy this hot little number The question is what size am I? my measurements as accurate as I can get them are: 37 1/2 - 33 - 35.5. I am 5' 2 1/2". According to their chart my bust is 37.5 inches therefore I am a L; waist 33 inches which makes me a 1X one size up from XL. Which I am not! I am 5' 2" and 125 lbs! I am pudgy. I get this hence the shirt. When I was this weight prior to having a baby my skin wasn't all stretched out along my waste. My hips are 35 1/2 inches. Which makes me an XS - S. So according to this chart I'm ans 1X, XS/S and L. WTF? I think I'd just order a medium to be on the safe side. As I am a small/medium. BAH! This is so frustrating. When/if I get one I will post a before and after video or pics. Well I am off. I hope to have one of these soon!

Frustrated...

i am very frustrated at the moment for various reasons. The mian reason is Aaron and his eating habits. Feeding him has become daunting and cumbersome and not a task that I look forward to. It is almost impossible for Eric and I to get him to eat unless we a) make a game out of it; b) give him something to play with/distract him; or c) give him finger food while we shovel food in his mouth when it's open. This has been going on for the last month or so. I don't want to make everything a game I am not that kind of parent. I know he is only 10.5 almos 11 months but I want him to kow that meal time is for eating not dicking around. He always seems distracted when we feed him. If there is nothing on his tray he is looking over the tray, on the floor, at the cat or anything but food. I am at my wits end and I am frustrated and I think he senses this. Tonight I got 2 or 3 bites in his mouth and when there was nothing to disctract him he started to cry and I didn't get him anything to play with. So I picked him up and put himin his crib as mommy needs a time out.

I am just getting over a GI flu/sinus cold. He has slept liek shit the last few nights and I am tired. Being sleep deprived makes me cranky. He'll do well for a few nights or a week then all of sudden he'll regress. WTF? I dont' speak baby. I see no signs of any other theeth coming in, he isn't sick as far as I can tell. I am at my wits end at the moment. I am going to try to feed him again. It's cereal with yogort he likes this. I don't always want to give him sweet stuff or that's all he will eat. Ugh.

Note: There is no Monday Measurements today. I didn't get to the gym while I was away and I have been sick which means no working out. My weight has been the same for the last week. Good enough for me.

PS - if any seasoned parents out there have any advice for the feeding please enlighten me.

Royal Rumble

In my tummy that is. To any readers that I have, I have not abbanoned you. I took Aaron over to my dad's for a few days for some R & R and came down with a wonderful flu. Thank-god my dad had Thursday off as there was no way in hell I could've looked after him. I'd come downstairs and he's cry when he saw me because all he wanted was me; but mommy had a date with the bathroom for most of the day.

I thought I was in the all clear yesterday, but my little problem came back with a vengence this morning. I won't elaborate as I don't want to scare away anyone. Well I am off to bed. Having a miserable teething baby isn't fun when your sick.

Freaky Friday

Yes - it's is Friday the 13Th! Be afraid, be very afraid! As I am about to post a pic of me taken today to document my quest to be fit(ter). I will do this every Monday including my measurements. My goal is to lose 10 lbs and to tone up. I am hesitant to post my weight because it more about how I feel about myself and becoming fitter. I in no way like this picture of myself. I am not sucking it in. I will try to take my picture in the same outfit so you can really see the difference. I am going to Vegas at the end of March and I need to kick myself in the butt to get myself ready for the trip. That's my motivation. And yes I wear a shirt at the gym for you concerned readers.

Hips - 36 "
Waist - 35"
Bust - 38"
Arm - 11 1/2 "

I do not know how accurate these measurements are as I did them myself as there wasn't one staff member around to do this for me... So they may be subject to change.

25 Random - Things Part Deux

Yet again another meme, stolen from Facebook.

1.I have two tattoos. The first I got when I was 16 (almost 17) my dad took me and my best friend at the time. They match but are in different places. I got my second tattoo on a whim when I was 18. I added onto it when I was 23 at a random tattoo parlor a friend and I found off of Sunset or Hollywood Blvd in LA. The artist was a former inmate. Seriously.

2.I love Grey’s Anatomy and I have never felt “that way” about a show before.

3.I am contemplating getting my nose pierce with a tiny diamond stud

4.My chronic sinusitis/rhinitis is stopping me

5.I’ve had my navel pierced, twice.

6.I’d like to go back to school and hope to have a career not just a job

7.I dislike cheesecake.

8.I am thankful that Canada has universal health care

9.I am contemplating signing up for Twitter.

10.I’d be lost without my Chi Flat Iron

11.I love M.A.C. make-up.

12.If I could change one thing about my appearance it would the dark circles under my eyes.

13.I regret getting my hair highlighted right before Aaron was born and I wish I had listened to my gut and jumped out of the chair when I had the chance

14.In the last week I have melted the cord to my George Forman grill thus rendering it a fire hazard and I have melted a pot lid. All on the same stove element. I guess were getting new pots this weekend (we've needed them since I moved in with Eric 2 years ago!)

15.I’d like to dress more stylish but I don’t have the time/money/energy to do so.

16.I’m a “cat” person

17.I love my cat but her demands annoy the crap out me. Sometimes I feel like have two children
instead one

18.I’ve never been a “dog” person but would like to give a whirl to see if that truly is the case. It’s not so much the dog, but the commitment it takes to have a dog and the smell. I’ve thought of fostering dogs from the SPCA to see if dogs grow on me

19.I am on the verge of signing up for a cake decorating course.

20.My son was born on April Fools Day

21.I’d like to have another child… One day

22.I miss working for my old employer (Going back isn't an option as it is in Vancouver.)

23.I have an unhealthy obsession with cell phones (Thanks former employer!)

24.I despise the traffic in Vancouver but if I don’t get my Vancouver (lower mainland) fix in at least once a month I start to get anxious

25. I am good with directions and when I am in a new city I usually get my bearings right away even Los Angeles. Calgary is the exception

Common Sense

Either you've got it or you don't. I like to think that i have it myself. This dawned on me while I was doing re-washing the laundry that Eric had done. When I opened the dryer there was WAY to much in there, when I smelled the load it didn't smell clean. When I looked at the washer the water capacity setting was set to medium and it goes as high as super. Which means that the clothes may have gotten wet but not washed. Hence the re-washing. Eric doesn't treat stains. I don't unless I know it needs it. As I was treating the mud stains on his jeans (that had been washed and dried therefore the stain had set) from golfing the common sense issue came to me. Why do I let him bother with the laundry? It doesn't always have to re-washed but it annoys when things I have to re-done. He knows how to do laundry. Before I moved in with him 2 years ago everything went in one wash and was washed in cold water as the hot water didn't work on his washing machine which never occurred to him to have it fixed. He asks me over and over what temperature of water do you use to wash whites,(hot)darks,(cold) and colors (warm or cold). He knows. Now it occurred to me that with common sense either you have it or you don't. Clearly when you it comes to laundry he doesn't or it can be chalked up to him being a guy and/or lazy.

No one one taught me how to do laundry, cook, clean, do my hair and make-up. I taught/learned myself. Why is this? As I was raised by my dad from the time I was 6. Which brings in the common sense thing. Something my father just doesn't have. He taught me to have a relaxed view on life. If I tried my best in school that was good enough for him. He would pull me out often for trips and day outings which further instilled a relaxed lifestyle in me. In high school I often slept in or was late. Because I was/am lazy. Despite this I have a good work ethic and strong attendance at work. Which brings me back to common sense. If you don't work hard, you don't get a raise or worse you don't get to keep your job. The common sense thing I got. I learned from cause and effect. When I was working at McDonald's in high school, if I did a piss poor job I only got one 4 hour shift a week. If I busted my ass I got 25 hours/week. I learned.

I don't know where this is coming from but I know that if I want a clean house I need to do it myself. I am not a good housewife, I hate to clean. My attitude is it can always be done later. I'd rather sit and play with Aaron/watch TV/surf the web etc. And stuff just doesn't get done. Which I am trying to do. During Aaron's nap I folded and put away laundry, had a shower and wrote this post, which may not seem like a lot to some but for me it's a lot. It's with the weight/toning thing. I want to have a body that I can be proud of to know that if I work for it, it can happen. and it will. I managed to lose 20 lbs 5 years ago which slowly crept back and fluctuated. I have never been over that weight (Pregnancy doesn't count) since losing it. I am under my pregnancy weight and would like to stay that way. I want to tone my flabby arms and gut. Hell I want to tone my whole body. But I have to put inte effort. Which I am hoping to do. I went to the gym yesterday and put Aaron in child minding and he liked it and hardly new I was gone. It was love at first toy.
I have to watch what I eat and work out. Yes I cheat here and there it's just about portion control.when I stop breast feeding is when the real hard part starts. With breast feeding you get a bit of a free ride. Well I am off. I have baby to feed, lunch to make, more laundry to fold, cat food to buy and a jaunt to the walk-in clinic. I bid you good day.

PS - I am contemplating keeping track of my progress at the gym by posting weekly pics and measurements so that I can be accountable to someone. So I ask you dear readrer(s) good idea or bad?

Apology

Dear Reader(s):

It has recently come to my attention that I had comments on some of my posts. I apologize for not acknowledging them sooner. I being me did not realize that I had any. I wasn't receiving email notifications as I just assumed my settings would default to my other blog; making an ass out of you and me, for which I apologize.

Sincerely,

Siera

25 Things

So this meme has been kicking around Facebook for the last little while and I have been tagged by several people so I completed it. Which makes it blog worthy. Instead of tagging 25 friends you can tag as many or as few fellow bloggers as you like.

1. I wish I had napped when Aaron did instead of studying.

2. I regret having my double Americano earlier; yet still feel the need for more caffeine to get me through the day

3. I am taking a Medical Terminology course online (from my experience so far self teaching is not the way to go, I prefer classroom learning)

4. Despite it being online, I am enjoying it.

5. I love to read blogs, but have hard time keeping up with my own.

6. I love being a mother more and more each day.

7. I love my sleep, which doesn't go hand-in-hand with being a mother.

8. I didn't think I would like being a stay-at-home-mom, but I love it and I don't want to go back to doing the 9-5 thing

9. I have a wild side - that is best brought by certain friends

10. Procrastinate should be my middle name

11. I have 4 men in my life that mean the world to me: My dad, Aaron, Eric and my grandpa.

12. I am a pessimist. When I am overly optimistic things usually go wrong

13. I used to hate living in Victoria and am I am beginning to like it. I miss Vancouver less and less and can't believe the amount of violence that has sprung up there especially in the last week.


14. I hope the violence doesn't spread here. I used to want a bridge to Vancouver Island but now realize how it would change Island living. (It would just bring the violence.)

15. I've lived in Halifax

16. I hate my toe nails

17. I love country music; the louder and honkier the better

18. I hate drama

19. I dislike "fake" people

20. I hold a grudge and find it hard to let things go.

21. I can't fall asleep if I have dry lips or dry hands.

22. I am super sensitive to sound

23. I have been baking lately and cooking new things and I am making chow mien for the 1st time tonight (which was a success)

24. I got a membership at the Y last week and have yet to use it and will remedy that tomorrow

25 There are so many more things I could list, but this survey is over.

I am going tag some fellow bloggers that I read in hopes that I will get to know them better...

Steffanie
Helen
Ginger
Swistler
Kristine
Jen (Not sure if It's a double N or not...
Ruth
Amanda